08/03/23
8/3/2023I may never write a column again.
The other day my sister Deb in Sioux City emailed me about ChatGPT, an artificial intelligence application that writes stuff in the style requested. You may have seen demonstrations of it on TV.
(The abbreviation for artificial intelligence, of course, is AI. In Iowa the usual meaning for AI has been artificial insemination. For most people that’s about to change.)
The developers of ChatGPT have been able to load virtually everything on the internet into their app. The results boggle.
For instance: Deb requested ChatGPT, “Write a 500 word newspaper column in the style of Rick Morain focusing on watching RAGBRAI from the top of the Mahanay Tower.”
Chat GPT complied – in eight seconds. It titled the column “A Breezy Vantage: RAGBRAI Spectating from the Mahanay Tower.” The first 200 words or so are as follows:
“Hello there, cycling enthusiasts and thrill-seekers! It’s that time of the year again when the Hawkeye state is abuzz with two wheels, endless laughter, and a dash of sweaty determination. You guessed it right; RAGBRAI is back and this time, I decided to trade my usual bike for a view from the top – the Mahanay Tower view!
“Now, before I take you on this adventure, let me tell you a bit about the Mahanay Tower. Perched atop the hills, this grandiose structure stands tall and majestic, offering a panoramic view of the Iowa landscape. When you climb up its spiral stairs and reach the top, your eyes feast upon the undulating waves of cornfields, the glistening rivers snaking through the terrain, the small towns huddled like confidants in this vast land. It’s the perfect spot to soak in the beauty and spirit of RAGBRAI.
“For those unfamiliar with RAGBRAI, it’s the Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, where thousands of cyclists pedal their way through the Hawkeye State from the Missouri River to the Mississippi River, covering around 400 miles in a week. It’s a celebration of camaraderie, adventure, and Iowa’s warm hospitality.
“The first rays of the sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink as I ascended the Mahanay Tower on that eventful morning. There was an air of anticipation, and from the top, I could see cyclists setting off from the starting point. A kaleidoscope of colors and spandex-clad figures, like a stream of confetti, meandering through the streets – it was a sight to behold!”
OK, I know – the tower is not perched atop the hills, and you take the elevator instead of climbing up the spiral stairs, and there’s only one glistening river, and the starting point wasn’t in Jefferson. And I don’t have a bike.
Nevertheless, the result blew me away. How do they do that?
But I did object to it, as I told Deb, because it doesn’t sound like me – too flowery. I informed her that I like to steer clear of too many big words: “Maybe ChatGPT could dumb me down (shouldn’t be too hard).”
“I’m on it,” Deb replied. She contacted ChatGPT again, adding the requirement that it be “written at a 5th grade level.”
Three seconds later ChatGPT spat out the following (again, I’m reprinting the first 200 words or so of the entire 500-word rewrite). It’s entitled “Riding Along with RAGBRAI from the Top of the Mahanay Tower”:
“Hey there, young adventurers! It’s your pal, Rick Morain, coming to you with another exciting tale from the heart of Iowa. Today, we’re going to take a special journey to the top of the Mahanay Tower and see the awesome RAGBRAI bicycle ride from way up high! So, buckle up your imagination seatbelts, and let’s roll!
“First things first, let’s talk about RAGBRAI. What’s that, you ask? Well, it stands for ‘Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa.’ Quite a mouthful, right? But don’t worry, we’ll just call it RAGBRAI from now on. It’s like a big bike parade that travels all across our beautiful state of Iowa, and guess what? People from all over the world come to ride in it.
“Now, let’s zoom up to the top of Mahanay Tower. Imagine climbing up lots and lots of stairs until you reach a super tall building. That’s Mahanay Tower! And guess what? From up there, you can see for miles and miles. It’s like having a pair of magical binoculars!
“As we settle in at the top of the tower, we can hear the excited chatter and laughter of the RAGBRAI riders down below. The air is filled with joy and adventure as they set off on their bicycles. Their colorful jerseys and helmets make them look like a swarm of happy bees buzzing around.
“From way up high, we can see the whole spectacle unfold like a grand parade. The streets are lined with cheerful people waving and cheering on the riders. Some even have signs with encouraging words like ‘You can do it!’ and ‘Keep pedaling!’
“As the riders move along, we spot a variety of bikes, from sleek road bikes to sturdy mountain bikes. There are even some bikes with funny decorations, like giant rubber duckies or flashy lights that make them look like shooting stars!”
I don’t write for many fifth graders, so my Goldilocks style is probably somewhere between the two versions. If I can fine-tune ChatGPT just right, it could become my avatar, and do my work for me.
You’ll know I’m not there yet if my column celebrates giant rubber duckies. ♦
