Paid for by tax payers4/1/2016
To be paid on 3/22/2016
To: Professional fees paid to PR firm Sterling Cooper & Partners
For: Iowa tagline development – Life Changing; Fields of Opportunity
To: University of Northern Iowa basketball team
For: Paid by University of Northern Iowa basketball team to erase the team’s memory of its horrific NCAA fourth quarter collapse.
Amount: Blank check
To: Icon Construction
For: City Hall moving costs – temporary relocation of City Hall staff
To: Polk County Jail
For: Amount spent by taxpayers for the “drunk tank” on St. Patrick’s Day
To: Incoming freshman football players at the University of Iowa
For: Performance for NCAA violations
To: No one
For: Amount spent on books by Des Moines Community Schools.
To: Morten Construction
For: Morten building constructed on the lawn of the state capitol.
To: Tasty Tacos
For: Amount of money well spent on Tasty Tacos original flour tacos.
To: Ashton Kutcher
For: City of Des Moines flew the Iowa star home just to say “hi”
To: Corn dog vendors
For: Cumulative amount spent on corn dogs by Iowans at the fair
To: Various media outlets
For: Money spent by pols in Iowa during presidential runs
To: Iowa Cosmetic Bliss
For: Steve King’s thigh liposuction
To: Offered to Garth Brooks to perform concert No. 7
For: Des Moines Social Club
To: Polk County Jail
For: For the eight-day incarceration of Kim and Khloe Kardashian. (Makeup and drugs included.)
To: Bribe offered to Terry Branstad
For: By Hustler Magazine for pictures of his previously unseen upper lip.
Salaries and such
Name Francis John McCaffery
Title Choke artist
Department University of Iowa
Annual Salary $0 for being good late in the season
The Des Moines City Council approved travel funding in the amount of $44,573 to the Des Moines homeless population living behind the old Titan Tire plant. The money is to be used to visit Honolulu… permanently. The homeless had previously been evicted from their makeshift homes and tents along the shores of the Des Moines River, but the city would like each of them to buy a one-way ticket to anywhere while making like a tree and getting the heck out of this highly rated city. CV