Sunday, November 28, 2021

Join our email blast

Rap Sheet

Two of a kind


Corey Hart received a citation recently for wearing dark sunglasses while seated on a park bench next to a jogging path at night in New York City. Corey HartJoggers claimed they were alarmed by Hart’s verbal assaults each time they made their way by the low-lit seating area, stating the former singer would coldly say, “Hey. Don’t switch the blade on a guy in shades, oh, no.” Hart received a $50 fine and was placed on probation. The 53-year-old wanted to be arrested, but police refused.

A Des Moines man has been arrested for oral assault on customers from the corner of a fast food establishment last week. Henry Kenny, 37, was taken into custody after patrons of a local Hardee’s complained of “vulgar language,” “heavy breathing” and “a threatening odor” coming from the area in which Kenny was seated.  Henry KennyPolice arrived and arrested Kenny after witnessing him asking a customer in an adjoining booth to “whip it — whip it real good.” The reports states that Kenny had also removed his pants while seated and acknowledged that the fecal matter beside him was indeed his and was named “Howdy Doody.”



This information is obtained from the Polka Country Crime Stoppers. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. If you have any information on the location or identity of this suspect, call 515-867-5309 or Polka Country Crimes Stoppers at 515-555-CRIME.

Prep Iowa

Material witness warrant

Local law enforcement is attempting to identify anyone in this photo regarding an assault that took place outside an area shopping mall on March 12. Crime stoppersThe perpetrators were spotted leaving or entering the mall sometime during operating hours and were described as being of average height and weight. One person was wearing jeans and a black shirt at the time of the incident, while the other was wearing an alternative form of leg covering and a hooded jacket.


Blotter — Des Moines

Careless George

Alleged singer/songwriter George Michael was cited recently after being spotted busking at an intersection of Fourth and Locust in Des Moines with former Wham sidekick Andrew Ridgeley. According to the report, Michael and Ridgeley were not performing the massive hits such as “Careless Whisper” and “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” that made them world-wide phenoms in the 1980s, but instead were crooning acoustic versions of cuts from other artists, including Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like A Woman,” and “Angel of Death” by Slayer. Dozens of passersby were admitted to local hospitals with hearing loss and onset blindness. Michael was cited for unnecessary re-exposure of Ridgeley in public. Ridgeley was groomed for ticks and released on his own recognizance.

Stunned and feathered

A 37-year-old Des Moines man found himself on the wrong end of a police taser gun after attempting to display his bare chest to a family of turkeys swimming near the Principal Riverwalk. Local outdoor/nature photographer Justin Thyme was seated on the bank of the Des Moines River near the walk with his SLR camera, waiting patiently for the arrival of the birds, who had been swimming upstream, both ways, for five miles. Around noon, Thyme spotted Peter “Peaches” Petersen on the riverwalk, and, according to the police report, noticed Petersen was “fiddling with the buttons on the front of his shirt.” Thyme said he knew something was desperately wrong when Petersen reached the bottom button of the shirt, undid it, then attempted to take one arm out of a sleeve, only to get it caught on the FitBit he was wearing. Thyme called 911, and when police arrived, Petersen was still struggling to get his arm out. Once he saw law enforcement members approaching, he attempted to flee but was brought down with the use of a stun gun. Petersen was charged with indecent exposure, resisting arrest and was ordered to pay $7 restitution to the parent of the turkeys, Mother Flocker, for pain and stuffing. CV


Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Fire & Ice