On the Clock3/27/2013
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Police were called to the Walmart on Southeast 15th Street around 3 p.m. on March 16 after three male juveniles had released all the large bouncy balls from the ball corral. The balls bounced wildly through the store, knocking over elderly women and toddlers. One victim was an 87-year-old woman who fell and broke her hip. Security chased the three males through the store ordering them to stop while the males repeatedly threw balls at the employee’s face screaming, “YOLO!” The employee, apparently allergic to the rubber ball material, suffered a break-out of hives on his face, and he was transported to the hospital for treatment. Police confiscated the video surveillance, but the juveniles remain at large.
BYE BYE BIRDY
A woman at Petsmart on Fleur Avenue was caught trying to steal multiple birds around 12:45 p.m. on March 20. The store manager believes it was a disgruntled ex-employee who had been plotting the heist for weeks. Using special keys made to unlock the birdcages and wearing a large trench coat, the woman began putting multiple canaries and a large and talkative parrot in the inside pockets of the coat. The value of the birds totaled more than $2,000. Employees became suspicious when the woman’s coat squawked, “It stinks in here!” An employee approached the woman, who made a run for the door. While attempting to flee, the birds flew out of her coat and were eventually captured safely and returned to their cages. The woman was easily apprehended after she slipped in a fresh puddle of pot-belly pig urine and was knocked unconscious when her head hit the floor. APRIL FOOLS