Summer Beer Olympics

“I usually don’t have a burger, a brat, and a steak but…it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I’m gonna start blowin’ crap up. It’s what the founding fathers would want.”

—Jim Gaffigan

A few beers to wash all that down makes for one hell of a time. And since you’re already eating and drinking outside, you might as well start up some games. Instead of tapping into your tech, tap a keg and turn drinking into an athletic event. Remember this: To drink is human, but to turn kids’ games into beer Olympics is what ‘MERICA stands for… “and I’d gladly [stammer] up next to you and defend Her still today.”

Frisbeer/Beersbie/Polish Horseshoes

Call it what you want, this is the premier summer drinking game. Frisbee. The outdoors. Beer. Friends. (Minimal) activity that keeps you on your toes. It’s got it all, with an estimated time to intoxication slow and steady, making it perfect for all-day affairs.

Michael Donahue plays Frisbeer.

What You Need: A disc, two to four friends, two posts (PVC tubing works best) around shoulder height, two empty cans or bottles (stay consistent) and a beer in your hand.

How To Play: Players are divided into two teams, and poles are set up roughly 20–40 feet apart (depending on skill level). The empties are then placed on top of the posts. The goal is to knock the empty can or bottle off the opposite post while the other team does anything they can to prevent the empty or the disc from touching the ground.

There are only two rules: 1) Don’t reach in front of the post to affect the direction of the disc and 2) Always, always, always have a beer in your hand.

Dizzy Bat

This is a great game for drinkers and non-drinkers alike. Remember being a kid and spinning in a circle until you could barely stand, then running in the straightest line you could? That’s tough after a natural high, so imagine it a few bottles (or bats) deep. The estimated time to intoxication here varies, so remember: focus on a point in the distance, not right in front of you.

What You Need: Beer and a whiffle bat.

How To Play: There are two variations to this game that are equally fun. The first is a relay race where you chug a beer, spin 10 times around the bat, then run to a point and back to tag your teammate in.

Or get a little more in your belly and fill up the whiffle bat (remember that hole on the bottom of the handle, now you know why…) — the time in seconds it takes you to finish is how many spins you have to do. You then get three pitches to hit a beer can. If you strike out, grab another beer and try again.

Hammershlagen

Sometimes you just need a game for those that can’t pay attention or those who showed up to the party a little tanked to begin with. Rather than exclude them from the games, give them a hammer and let them beat the pulp out of a piece of wood. They’ll be hooting and hollering in no time.

What You Need: A stump or round of wood, a hammer and nails.

How To Play: If possible, set the stump on a table about waist high. Playing on the ground works but it’s more difficult and a little uncomfortable. Tap your nail about a half inch deep or until it can stand on its own.

One person and one swing at a time, players attempt to hammer their nail in before anyone else. If you miss swing and the nail becomes flat, you may use your next turn to straighten it out. Last person to sink their nail flush drinks. Pretty simple. After a few drinks the option of shouting “Hammershlagen!” becomes more of an involuntary heads-up. CV      

David Rowley is an Iowa native with a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Iowa and a master’s in film journalism from the University of Glasgow in Scotland.