Tuesday, May 24, 2022

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Belly Up To...

Superman bought a Schlitz


Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope. It’s Superman and Batman arguing about Tanya Tucker and Reba McEntire while sipping on bottles of Schlitz. Welcome to All in the Family Lounge.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane… It’s from left: Batman, Tay, Amy, Superman and Donna.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane… It’s from left: Batman, Tay, Amy, Superman and Donna.

“It’s a neighborhood bar,” said Manager Deb Fisher, when asked what makes the place special.

She’s worked here for more than a year and patronized the joint for years prior, so she ought to know.

“We have bands on weekends and on Wednesday nights. Karaoke is Monday nights,” she said.

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The new spot is much more spacious than the old digs up the street; they moved out three years ago. There’s a big dance floor that fills up on the weekends, according to Fisher.

But how has this place hung around for four decades?

“It’s the regulars,” said Fisher. “Talk to them.”

She points to a round table in the heart of the building. A half-dozen people are drinking and laughing. One guy said he was Superman. That prompted another to claim he was Batman.

“Lois Lane just left,” informed Superman.

Two non-super heroes are also there. They nod hello. Their names are Chris and Donna.

“Friends and family,” said Batman about why he comes here. “There’s a reason it’s called ‘All in the Family.’ ”

“You can come here and feel safe,” Donna added with a straight face while sitting among alleged superheroes.

“Everyone has a good time,” Superman said. “You’re only a stranger once at All in the Family. It’s more true here than anywhere else.”

A new woman appeared, giving a pseudo-name at first, but she’s quickly corrected. This is Lois Lane.

“Cheap drinks,” added someone else about why they come here.

“Moderately-priced drinks,” Superman said, saving the day. “Everyone will be in here if you say drinks are ‘cheap.’ ”

The regulars want to keep All in the Family a secret along with their true identities.

“Oh,” Sabrina sighed in frustration in regard to Superman. “He’s drunk. Don’t listen to him.”

Are teenage witches legal to drink in Iowa? And is it even possible for Superman to get drunk?

“This is the only place I can bring my girlfriend and my wife, and they still get along,” Superman pointed out, inadvertently answering the question above.

“NOOOOOOOOO…..” The rest of the crowd at the table groaned.

Lois pointed to a group from North Carolina. Apparently they had their flight cancelled, and this was the closest bar.

“We’ve met so many people who are stuck here while their plane is broken down,” explained Lois. “It’s really close to the airport.”

Two flight attendants on a layover are here with a group from North Carolina, and someone bought the table a round of Schlitz.

The group starts to rehash how Tanya Tucker’s roadies once rolled in. The other half of the table insisted it was Reba’s crew. Then there was silence before the “Tanya” faction acquiesced. Everyone agreed that it was indeed Reba’s people that came in “that one night.”

“Where else would you see something like that?” Superman asked. “You never know what you’re going to get.” CV

All in the Family

4249 Fleur Drive in the Wakonda Shopping Center
Monday – Friday: 2 p.m. – 2 a.m.
Saturday: 11 a.m. – 2 a.m.
Sunday: closed
Happy Hour: 4 – 7 p.m., Monday – Friday, $2.50 bottled beer and $1.50 draws

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