Two of a kind?3/31/2015
America’s sweetheart Taylor Swift, 25, was cited last week for public indecency. She was reportedly walking around with her midriff showing, and the sight of her belly button strongly offended several people. One patron was shocked enough to report the incident to the local police. Meredith, Swift’s well-known cat, was with Swift at the time and held as an accomplice to the crime.
In a strange act of friendship, Cee Lo Green, 40, also took to walking the streets in midriff-baring attire in protest of Swift’s arrest. Reports show that a fan witnessed the act, and after the sight of Green’s belly button making her young daughter cry, she reported to the police. Green was subsequently cited for public indecency and obstruction of justice.
This information was obtained from the Polk County Crime Stoppers website. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Des Moines Police Detective Bureau asks that anyone with information on the location or identity of this suspect call 515-283-4864 or The Polk County Crime Stoppers anonymously at 515-223-1400.
The Urbandale Police Department is seeking help in tracking down a local goat regarding an obstruction of correspondence charge at Merle Hay Mall in Urbandale. The goat was last seen wearing gray fur and large horns. It reportedly broke into the mall in the evening, presumably in search of hay, but instead ate every piece of mail in the mall businesses’ mailboxes. If you or anyone you know has any information regarding the goat involved in this case, please contact the Urbandale Police Department at 555-GOAT.
Blotter — Des Moines
Police responded to a robbery report made by Theresa Donovan on March 28. Donovan reported that she had been in rehab for several weeks and when she returned home it appeared that her house had been broken into. The victim’s house had been rummaged through, and several items including a big-screen television, several bottles of wine and an old purse that contained money were missing. Donovan also told police that she hasn’t been able to locate her 1-year-old daughter. She explained that she had been to Babies ‘n’ Beers the night before, but the owners have not seen her child. The investigation is ongoing.
Talk is cheep
On March 27, officials responded to a burglary at the home of Johnny Doolittle. The victim reported that two nights ago he heard noises from his basement but ignored them, thinking he was just hearing things. The next night he saw a flock of chickens at the neighbor’s house, but just assumed that they were the neighbor’s pets. He went away for a night, and upon his return, he saw that his front door had been clawed open. Nothing had been stolen or removed from his home, but there was a large amount of feathers and a few eggs left throughout the main floor. The victim explained that although his father was great with animals, Doolittle himself was always afraid of them. The intrusion resulted in Doolittle having a panic attack and being rushed to the hospital.
System update failed
Authorities responded to a burglary report on March 26 made by Steve Gates. Gates explained that he was one of the few people granted permission to test-drive the new Apple iCar. The vehicle had been sitting in his garage because he had to wait 48 hours for the car to do a system update, so Gates had been riding his bike to work. After the two days, the victim went to his garage to check on the iCar and noticed that someone had broken into the garage. The $50,000 iCar prototype had been left untouched, but all of Gates other electronics had been stolen, including two Microsoft laptops and a Zune mp3 player. Gates says he could think of a few suspects who may have committed the crime, including another man who he had not been getting along with recently. The investigation is ongoing. APRIL FOOLS