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On the clock


 CVA_27 PAGE 7

Published arrest charges are obtained from official law enforcement records, which are available to the public. All who are charged are innocent until proven guilty, except for this dude.



Police were called to Merle Hay Mall around 6:30 p.m. on March 22 responding to several calls about twin siblings assaulting each other. Upon arrival, police discovered the suspects weren’t just twins, but they were Siamese twins still engaged in the fight, pulling hair from the same head and punching the same face. Unable to separate the suspect(s), police handcuffed the twins, who continued to physically assault each other while detained in the back of the patrol car all the way to jail. They were charged with domestic abuse assault.



Police were dispatched to Nationwide on reports of attempted burglary. Upon arrival, they spoke with an attendant who said four female suspects had robbed the bank. The eye witness described one woman as petite with hunched posture and blue hair, a second suspect was reportedly wearing granny glasses and a wig of curlers, presumably a disguise, and the third used a walker and prosthetic teeth, which were found on scene and collected into evidence along with a tennis ball police believe fell off the leg of the walker. Within five minutes police caught up with the suspects, who were 71, 82 and 90 years old, attempting to flee on foot. They were caught about 100 yards away strolling eastbound down the sidewalk. When police tried to handcuff the suspects, one suffered an apparent heart attack and died. She reportedly uttered the last words: “You’ll never take me alive.” Police believe the women were among a larger senior citizen crime ring that has been targeting local businesses in the area, including Hammers Pharmacy, The Brass Armadillo and Des Moines Coin and Stamp Collectors. APRIL FOOLS!

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