Wednesday, December 1, 2021

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The guess list


We’re still a month away from receiving the Final Word from television networks about which of your favorite shows have been renewed for another season or canceled forever — but what’s to stop this column from speculating right now? Nothing! Through an intricate system of network trend analysis, May sweeps ratings projections and wild/scientific guessery, I’m prepared to make the following predictions (and counting you forgetting in a few weeks what I may have gotten wrong):


Absolutely, totally, 100-percent coming back for sure:

ABC: “The Bachelor,” “Blackish,” “Castle,” “Dancing With the Stars,” “Fresh Off the Boat,” “The Goldbergs,” “Grey’s TrueTV MarvelsAgentCarterAnatomy,” “How to Get Away With Murder,” “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” “The Middle,” “Modern Family,” “Nashville,” “Once Upon a Time” and “Scandal.”

CBS: “2 Broke Girls, “The Big Bang Theory,” “Big Brother,” “Criminal Minds,” “Elementary,” “The Good Wife,” “Madam Secretary,” “Mike & Molly,” “Mom,” “NCIS,” “NCIS: Los Angeles,” “NCIS: New Orleans,” “The Odd Couple,” “Person of Interest,” “Scorpion” and “Survivor.”

Fox: “American Idol,” “Bob’s Burgers,” “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” “Empire,” “Family Guy,” “Gotham,” “The Last Man on Earth,” “The Mindy Project,” “New Girl,” “The Simpsons” and “Sleepy Hollow.”

NBC: “The Biggest Loser,” “The Blacklist,” “Chicago Fire,” “Chicago P.D.,” “Grimm,” “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and “The Voice.”

The CW: “The 100,” “America’s Next Top Model,” “Arrow,” “The Flash,” “iZombie,” “Jane the Virgin,” “The Originals,” “Reign,” “Supernatural” and “The Vampire Diaries.”


Partially, inconclusively, 50-percent coming back most likely:

ABC: “Last Man Standing,” “Marvel’s Agent Carter” and “Secrets & Lies.” Sorry, Ryan Phillippe and Juliette Lewis — you may be stuck on TV with “Secrets & Lies.”

CBS: “The Amazing Race,” “Blue Bloods” and “CSI: Cyber.” Same goes for you and the beyond-stoopid “CSI: Cyber,” Patricia Arquette.

Fox: “Bones.” The David Boreanaz/Emily Deschanel procedural is now tied with “Beverly Hills 90210” as the longest-running drama in Fox history. Congratulations?

NBC: “The Night Shift” and “Undateable.” Both are terrible, both will probably go on for years.


Not looking good, but, hey, miracles can happen:

CBS: “Hawaii Five-0.” The original ran for 12 seasons; this reboot has lasted for five — do we really need seven more years of sweaty homunculus Scott Caan?

Fox: “The Following” and “Weird Loners.” I know, right? Not even Kevin Bacon was aware that “The Following” is still on.

NBC: “A.D. The Bible Continues,” “About a Boy,” “American Odyssey,” “Marry Me,” “Mysteries of Laura,” “One Big Happy” and “State of Affairs.” With “State of Affairs” essentially over, please help return Katherine Heigl to “Grey’s Anatomy” using the hashtag #ComeBackGummieSue.

Dead, gone, defunct, no more, kaput and done-zo:

ABC: “American Crime,” “Cristela,” “Forever,” “Galavant,” “Manhattan Love Story,” “Resurrection,” “Revenge” and “Selfie.” Did “Revenge” ever achieve actual revenge? Seems do-able in four seasons.

CBS: “Battle Creek,” “CSI,” “The McCarthys,” “The Mentalist,” “The Millers,” “Stalker” and “Two & a Half Men.” The last show standing of the “CSI” franchise might be “Cyber” — way to go, ‘Merica.

Fox: “Backstrom,” “Glee,” “Gracepoint,” “Mulaney” and “Red Band Society.” Let us never speak of any of them ever again.

NBC: “A to Z,” “Allegiance,” “Bad Judge,” “Constantine,” “Parenthood,” “Parks & Recreation” and “The Slap.” Sure, there are rumors that “Constantine” might resurface on Syfy — there are also rumors that the Australian version of “The Slap” wasn’t a laughable trainwreck.

The CW: “Hart of Dixie.” Network executive: “Just calling to let you know that you’re way too old for us now, mmmk?” Rachel Bilson: “I’m 33!” Network executive: [click]. CV


Bill Frost writes about television for Salt Lake City Weekly, talks about it on TV Tan Podcast (iTunes and Stitcher), and tweets about it at @Bill_Frost.

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