1 Tough on crime, soft on common sense

While lawmakers remain determined to squelch any constructive debate about their beloved 2,000-foot rule despite mounting questions about the efficacy of the sex offender residency restrictions, even Maureen Kanka - the New Jersey mother of a 7-year-old who was raped and killed in 1994, spurring the landmark Megan's Law - said last week that the provision "isn't necessarily fair" and "is not going to stop someone from hurting a child if they want to hurt a child."

2 Spin cycle

Touting the much-hyped Iowa Values Fund, the Iowa Department of Economic Development boasted last week that a recently completed report shows the $99 million in taxpayers funds lavished on hundreds of businesses has facilitated thousands of jobs and more than $800 million in economic activity. Of course, the results (based on businesses self-reporting) also show that 26 projects are behind schedule, 16 more are not proceeding and more than 25 percent of the handout recipients didn't even bother to respond to the department's requests for information.

3 You win some, you lose some

Although the lucky ticket for the record-setting $340 Powerball jackpot was purchased by an Oregon resident, the lotto frenzy that swept the country over the past two months paid off for Iowa taxpayers, as officials announced last week that the buying bonanza netted $6 million for general government programs.

4 Fat asses at fault

While U.S. legislators couldn't muster the support to increase heating aid for low-income Americans or to bump up the minimum wage in votes last week, the House did find time to take care of industry cronies, passing the so-called Cheeseburger Bill that will shield corporations from litigious lard asses who attempt to fault food companies for their weight woes.

5 Un-wild Rice

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice wouldn't show her hand last week when asked about the U.S. military's so-called exit strategy for the war in Iraq, but did manage to repeat the vague phrase "We're staying the course" for the one-millionth time, which is Bushie-speak for, "Our troops are totally fucked."

6 The stink on pink

The pink opponents' men's locker room at Kinnick Stadium, which went virtually unnoticed until some bored part-time professor deemed it "sexist" and helped fuel a national uproar by the bra-burning set, will remain pink because the rich, white men in charge have said so.

7 Harriet Miers out of my uterus

Despite a lot of double-talk and political jargon by hired K-Street weasels, wildly unqualified Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers made herself crystal clear in 1989 when she supported a constitutional amendment to ban most abortions. Can you say filibuster?

8 Fears of the apocalypse on the rise

Recent natural disasters, a plunging economy, terrorist threats and wars the world over have sent the Rapture Index soaring, with born-again Christians believing the return of Christ and the removal of believers from earth is near.

9 Profits over people

As Central Iowa was hit with the first weekend worthy of turning up the thermostat, analysts forecast that oil companies will announce record third-quarter profits this week, with Exxon Mobil alone raking in nearly $9 billion.

10 This will shock you

An Associated Press report released this past weekend stated that there has been a sharp decline in American civility, with "high decibel" cell phone conversations, road rage, poor parenting and even flip-flops being worn at the White House as signs that we are ruder than ever. CV

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