Dirty Roy's wiener too close for comfort

DEAR ABBY: I am 76, my wife is 65. Our neighbor "Roy" is retired, but is probably less than 60 years old. The fence between Roy's property and ours is six feet tall, but the wood has shrunk and there are gaps of about half an inch or more between the boards. Abby, Roy likes to work nude in his backyard and has told my wife he does this. Otherwise, he seems like a decent fellow. He has given my wife nectarines from over the fence, which is as close as I want his naked presence to my wife. Roy insists he has the "right" to go naked in his own backyard. Unfortunately, my wife agrees, and tells me she's not looking. I have asked her not to accept any more gifts over the fence from Roy and to keep her contact with him to a minimum. Am I being foolish? How would you recommend I handle this? -TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT IN CALIF.

DEAR TOO: It seems that old dirty Roy has you between a rock and a hard place. Well, "it" probably can't actually get hard anymore, but he's got you in a pickle because your wife likes his nectarines and he's well within his legal rights to let her handle them from the sanctity of his own backyard. My advice is to grow elaborate rose bushes. Your wife will think you romantic, and if Roy tries to get too close, his little prick will get a little prick.

DEAR ABBY: I saw something today that broke my heart. A woman who appeared to be in her late 30s was sitting in a restaurant with a woman who looked to be in her mid-70s. It may have been her mother. The entire time I was in the restaurant - about an hour - I saw not one sign of verbal or visual contact between them. The reason? The younger woman was on a hands-free cell phone, talking office talk from the moment their orders were placed. The older woman sat eating her meal, clearly with little interest and no animation. When they were finished eating, the younger one paid the server, and then made a "let's leave" by pointing toward the exit. She got up quickly, motioning for her mother to hurry. I found the episode upsetting, and I hope she reads this: Life is so short. Show your mom the respect and kindness she's due. Your cell phone will be around long after your mother is gone, and there will be no memories to bring you comfort. -ALWAYS MADE TIME FOR MOM IN BALTIMORE

DEAR ALWAYS: You went from thinking this lady could have been the gabber's mom to basically making the jump that she indeed is. What if it was "Take Your Maid to Lunch Day"? Or what if the elderly lady was a mute? And even if it was her mother, who really wants to talk to their mother? You've got all your life to do that. The way I see it, the old lady got some time out of the nursing home, and didn't have to waste what precious time she has left by talking to a relative and getting a free lunch. More children should be as thoughtful.

DEAR ABBY: For most of this year I have been battling a drug and alcohol addiction. I am only 14, but I have managed to almost completely stop both - but on my bad days I fall right back in. I would have the strength to stop if it wasn't for my best friend, "Stella." Stella helped me deal with my parents' divorce and a near-suicide attempt. I got her into alcohol. I have tried to stop, but she is always dragging me back into it. Please tell me what to do. I don't want to lose Stella as a friend, but I can't keep damaging my life. -LOST IN CONFUSION, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR LOST: Try the suicide thing again and quit blaming your friends for being a fuck up. You sound like my best friend's mom.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument between my husband and me. We were recently vacationing at a hotel resort with our young daughters. In the pool with our children one afternoon was a father and his two young daughters, both under the age of 10. After about 30 minutes the father left the pool and went back into the hotel, leaving his daughters playing alone in the water. I stayed in the pool with my children for another half-hour before telling them it was time to go back to our room. There was no lifeguard on duty; signs had been posted everywhere that said children under the age of 16 needed to be supervised at all times. Worried about the girls' safety, I told them they needed to get out and get an adult to watch them if they wanted to swim some more. (The alternative was going to the front desk and reporting it.) Back in our room, my husband informed me that I was being intrusive by saying anything at all. He said that if the father thought they were safe, I shouldn't have interfered in his parenting decision. Abby, I would have felt horrible if something happened to the children. Was I being intrusive, or did I do the right thing? -CARING MOM, GREEN BAY, WIS.

DEAR CARING: Pulling a Tommy Lee or not, it's up to a kids' parent to look after them. Hotel signs are merely suggestions. If the dad was OK with it, you should stay out of it. CV

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