1 The young and the injured

Drug and alcohol abuse, as well as smoking and pregnancy, have all taken a nosedive regarding our nation's teens, researchers say. But the use of prescription medication for the high-school set has skyrocketed, as teens discover that Oxy isn't just for pimples anymore.

2 Cruel irony

On trial for mass murder, Iraq's former dictator Saddam Hussein, who beat, tortured, raped and starved millions of his own people before doing away with them, lodged a complaint that while in prison he has been mistreated.

3 You say tomato...

The push continues to build "a world-class transportation system," with urban leaders lining up to talk about inflated population projections and why the Regional Transit Authority (RTA) would be a solution to the problems we likely won't ever have while disregarding the fact that RTA is just a fancy way to say "I ride the bus."

4 Destination Des Moines

Adding to the absurdity of trying to lure a rainforest to town (an idea to make any environmentalist's temperature rise to tropical levels), the City Council last week forked over $50,000 to study the potential of a white-water course along the River Walk. And while we're certain that the Des Moines River is the talk of the kayaking community from coast to coast, let's make sure we save some money to study the potential of scrapping the First Tee plan and turning the golf course into the Grandview Mountain Range.

5 Worth every penny

In a generous act of sparing Central Iowans from another god-awful, bleeding-heart story about some no-name family from Missouri who got royally fucked in every conceivable way while their moving van was broken down in Des Moines as they tried to shuttle their obese daughter to culinary school in Minnesota, an anonymous donor shelled out more than $1,120 to pay the family's U-Haul tab in a desperate attempt to get Register reporter Jennifer Jacobs to write about something that the wider community actually gives two shits about.

6 Ask not for whom the spin cycle tolls

Maytag shareholders voted overwhelmingly to approve the sale of the company to longtime rival Whirlpool Corp. The deal still needs approval from the Antitrust Division of the U.S. Department of Justice, but the future of the 112-year-old business as far as what part it plays in Iowa is cloudy at best.

7 Field of dreams - just not for sex offenders

The city made famous by the "Field of Dreams" has passed the toughest sex offender law in the state. While many cities in Iowa have expanded the state's 2,000-foot law, the small northeastern Iowa town of Dyersville's ordinance specifically says sex offenders cannot live anywhere within the corporate city limits.

8 The great escape

According to a union official, the reason two inmates escaped from the Iowa State Penitentiary at Fort Madison was because "prison officers weren't watching them."

9 Bring 'em home

Realizing that he might want to start listening to the people whose country he leads, President Bush finally authorized a reduction in U.S. combat troops in Iraq two years after we "won the war."

10 Party bus

Des Moines Public Schools bus driver, Shon Clausen, was fired after it was learned that on a two-week trip to Florida with Central Campus students he allegedly behaved in a "sexually inappropriate" manner and failed to report the students' marijuana use. He had worked for the district for four years and had one license suspension and 19 traffic citations on his record. Nice hire, team! CV

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