By Erin Randolph erin@dmcityview.com

A selective list of places to drink, dance and strip your way into 2006

If you came here looking for a bar review, take heed, dear friend, as the reviews will return next year. What you've stumbled upon here is a non-comprehensive, highly selective list of what we believe are the premiere spots to hit on Saturday night to ring in a New Year of well-meaning, yet failed, resolutions for a better 365 days to come.

While the BarFly, along with her regular drinking assistants, will be spending her second year in a row taking in live, local music and lots of booze at the Vaudeville Mews (see City Sounds on band ATOY for more information on who's playing), New Year's celebrations in Des Moines come in just about every flavor - from non-threatening schnapps to hoity-toity martinis to the head-on-the-toilet Jager variety. All you have to do is pick your poison and figure out how you're going to get home after you've drank your weight in alcohol.

To laugh and dance: Comedian John Bush - a familiar face in Des Moines due to his 16-month run as Bobby Bean in the Temple's "Triple Espresso" - will serve as the master of ceremonies for the Hilton Garden Inn's "Last Laugh of 2005." The night will offer up a chance to dance to the music of Pianopalooza, which includes local musicians Tony Bohnenkamp and Jared Hall, a high-energy piano duo playing music that varies from 1980s hair bands to Billy Joel and Elton John sing-a-longs. The $40 price tag includes hors d'oevres, party favors, door prizes, contests, late-night dessert and a champagne toast at midnight. Reservations are needed by calling 270-8890.

To get your fetish on (or to go for a nightcap): Once again the desmoinesproject is hosting its adults-only Naughty New Year's at 1408 Locust St., featuring live performance art, nude body painting and a local fetish art show. Because this event starts at 9 p.m. and lasts until 3:30 a.m., well after the bars kick your ass out on the street, it's a great place for a nightcap - once your inhibitions have lowered a bit. Admission is $15, and the organizers are warning you to "expect the unexpected." And you thought the spray-painted angel was controversial...

To microbrew it up (cheaply): Court Avenue's on your side. Because there seems to be a trend of venues charging a lot of money to see bands that you would usually see for free - and only because it's New Year's Eve - the downtown brewery is hosting a FREE event. Free champagne toast, free cover and free entertainment by Phase Two AKA DJ Pat Williams. This is a 21-and-over event.

To take part in a suburban singing contest: Rock Bottom, a West Side brewery, is hosting an event that includes an open premium bar, a DJ, Rockstar Karaoke Contest with prizes, a free Rockstar appetizer buffet from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m., a champagne toast, party favors and more. The cost is $50, and attendees must be 21 years of age. To make reservations, call 267-8900.

To meet a metal head: The House of Bricks is celebrating New Year's Eve with two shows - one early all-ages show and one late-night throwback show - and we're not talking about throwing back the booze. We're talking about Des Moines' own KISS tribute band, Deuce. Along with D*M F*X and Knucklebone, Deuce will help ring in the New Year at a 9:30 p.m. show with face paint, wigs and ridiculous rock posturing. Underage? No problem. The D*M F*X will also be playing a 4 p.m. show with Facecage and Only. Tickets for either show are $10, and are available in advance through IowaTix.com.

To drink and (not) drive home: Because DUIs are never fun, consider attending a New Year's Eve celebration at bars offering safe rides - like the BarFly's personal favorite, Cabaret Lounge. Or, head just a few doors away to Down Under, Clive's only neighborhood Aussie hangout, where a $15 cover gets you two free drinks, a free appetizer bar until 11 p.m., champagne and party favors at midnight and music spun courtesy of DJ "Master B." This is the only night of the year Down Under has a dance floor, so head on out and partake in the festivities. And there's no such thing as partying too hard when you've got a cabbie to get you home safely.

To be "Cheap & Cheesy": "If you want food - bring your own damn food. If you want silly hats - bring your own damn hats." These are the words of Blues on Grand manager Jeff Wagner, touting the famous blues club's "Cheap and Cheesy" New Year's Eve celebration. The Sean Costello Band will provide the soundtrack for this party, which will feature a midnight toast of the cheapest champagne that can be found. Cover charge is $12.

To get a blast from the past: Rock in 2006 by listening to music that's so 1990s, as 103.3's House of Hair presents the "Last Damn Party of the Year," at the 7 Flags Events Center. The night features live performances by Firehouse, L.A. Guns, Brian Howe from Bad Company and Cold Filtered. Cost of admission includes this night full of big-hair rock, a champagne toast at midnight and a shot at winning a cruise to the Bahamas, a big-screen TV, a diamond ring and more. The doors open at 7 p.m., and the show starts and 7:30 p.m. The $40 full-price tickets are available through Ticketmaster, and, for a limited time, two tickets can be purchased for $60. Otherwise it's $50 at the door.

To return to your roots: Polish your oversized belt buckle and pull that snap-down shirt from your closet. "Roots Rockin' New Year's Eve at the Honky Tonk" will feature alt-country tunes by Brother Trucker (left), Randy Burk and the Prisoners and Kelly Pardekooper (below) with Eric Straumanis on guitar. The tunes start at 9 p.m. and cost is $10.

To be a little drummer boy: Ritual Cafè will extend its hours on Saturday night so that it's open late enough to drum in the New Year - literally. The popular coffee shop is hosting an open drum and percussion circle starting at 9 p.m. There is no cover for this event.

To be a Brit: Celebrate New Year's twice at Limey's, a BarFly favorite West Des Moines hangout. Once, of course, at the typical time: midnight. But show up earlier (6 p.m.) in the night to celebrate New Year's in England with a champagne toast. Not that one needs an excuse, but it is a good excuse to get an early start on the evening. Along with a prime rib special, Limey's will be hosting some bagpipers. Yes, bagpipers.

To get the blues: Two neighboring businesses are planning live music events. Raccoon River Brewing Co. is hosting Public Property (reggae) and Mike and Amy Finders (bluegrass) starting at 9 p.m. Cost is $20. Neighboring Hotel Fort Des Moines is hosting The Blue Band, Fat Tuesday and the Greasefire Horns, The Soul Searchers, BF Burt & The Instigators and more. The $40 cost includes music, hors d'oevres and a champagne toast. And if you're worried about getting home, you can book a room at the hotel. For reservations, call 243-1161 or (800) 532-1466 or e-mail reservations@hotelfortdesmoines.com. CV

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