Kindness to neighbor repaid with betrayal

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my fiancé, "Dave," and I befriended a neighbor of his I'll call Jane. We didn't know her very well. I tried to talk with her once when she joined us outside, but her focus was solely on her husband. Not long afterward they separated, and Jane was devastated. Their marriage had been filled with financial, emotional and infidelity problems, but she loved him. Jane gravitated to Dave and me for emotional support. She needed cash, so I hired her to watch my girls twice a week so Dave and I could go out. Things were fine for a while, but then she began showing up all the time. On nights that I worked, Jane would hang out at Dave's. Finally, we both told her it made me uncomfortable, and she seemed to get the message. She found another part-time job and became involved with church. I was happy for her. Then Jane began confiding in Dave. She'd tell him about the men she was meeting at work, exposing herself to them for money, sex for money, intimate relations with married men, wanting to get tattoos in places I won't mention. When Dave told me, he made me promise not to say anything to Jane because he didn't want problems in the neighborhood. I ended my social relationship with her. She still baby-sits for me because it's hard finding help for my disabled girls. But our relationship is strictly business. I would like to tell Jane how angry I am that she discussed her sexual behavior with my fiancé while pretending to be my friend. Then again, I have the situation at home and I do need time off. Jane is asking Dave why I don't visit with her anymore. He makes up excuses. Although I promised Dave I wouldn't say anything, I feel an urgent need to get this off my chest. Now, when and what do I say to someone who has shown no respect for me, my relationship with my fiancé or our friendship? -FURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FURIOUS: You say nothing, because if on the slim chance that Dave isn't already banging Jane, you betraying him by flapping your gums and breaking your promise would likely push him into her arms. I mean, who do you think she'll turn to when it gets rocky with her perceived best friend? Not to mention, do you know how hard it is to find a decent baby-sitter these days? See, Dave may act "uncomfortable," but having some lady talk about tattoos and flashing guys at work, and what exactly she'll do for 50 bucks, is only uncomfortable if he doesn't have something to cover the torpedo in his pants.

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired and moved to a small town in Washington, where I began attending the local church. Last Sunday, a new assistant pastor was introduced along with his wife, "Millie." Abby, Millie is the woman who broke up my marriage 10 years ago! It was so painful and ugly that I have never remarried. Millie, on the other hand, appears to have erased from her biography two previous marriages, countless affairs (my husband was one), and a short stint in prison for drugs. She is now - and this is what irks me - teaching marriage classes. She does not recognize me. The last 10 years have been hard on me. I put on weight and stopped coloring my hair, among other things. If Millie was just a member of the congregation, I could forgive her past sins. But Millie is lying to everyone - maybe even her clueless husband. Should I stay quiet and watch this farce, inform the senior pastor, or drive 30 minutes to attend another church? (And yes, I'm sure it's her. There's no doubt about it.) -HATES HYPOCRITES IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HATES: If you hadn't let yourself go all to hell, I'd say make a play for her husband - maybe just a handy or a half-and-half. But since you are fat and gray, your best bet is an extremely public shaming brought about in a manner that only true religious hypocrites can appreciate. At the next marriage class or service or whatever, sheepishly ask your peers or church leadership what Jesus would do if he found out that the drug-addicted floozy who seduced his spouse before doing a nickel stretch in the pokey was now "happily" married to one of his new pastors? It should pretty much figure itself out from there.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family where there was alcohol abuse on the part of both of my parents. No one in the family is an admitted alcoholic, but sometimes the problem can be quite obvious. And when I drink to excess, I have trouble controlling my emotions. This lack of control has caused me a lot of trouble - especially with my current girlfriend. She says she can't handle when I drink because I always become verbally abusive to her. Abby, how can I tell if I am an alcoholic? I don't have trouble controlling the amount or frequency of when I drink, but I do get "mood swings" when I'm intoxicated. -WORRIED IN WORCESTER

DEAR WORRIED: If you have to ask if you're an alcoholic, you are an alcoholic. And you thinking you can control how much and often you drink is so something an alcoholic would say, you drunk idiot. CV

Comment on this story | Return to top