Our annual list of individuals and entities that would serve the community best by leaving

Loud mouths. Do-nothings. Liars. Cheaters. Enablers. Pawns. Assholes. Opportunists. Sore losers. Losers period. Self-promoters. The obviously corrupt. The completely ineffective. The utterly useless. The unquestionably ignorant. And the dead-flat wrong. Yes, welcome back to Cityview's annual list (you figure out who is who) of those who would make Des Moines and its surrounding areas a better place by simply packing up their stuff and heading on down the road.

Some are old. Some are new. And some just cannot help but to appear in this issue year in and year out, as if they are actually willing us to desire their departure by simply being themselves.

Is such an endeavor mean-spirited? Perhaps. But what it is not, is dishonest. We here at Central Iowa's alternative newspaper feel it is our duty to tell you if your ass looks fat in those jeans - even if you don't ask.

Call it our journalistic sense of duty, if you will, or call it us simply not being afraid to stand up and point, yelling, "He's the one! Him! Somebody hit him with something!" Or maybe he's a her or an it, and "thistles," while tough to get off of fleece, simply do not do the trick when it comes to describing how he, she or it has betrayed us in any number of ways.

We cheer heartily for all of those listed here to be exposed for what they truly are; and while we do not wish them death or even the flu (OK, not all of them), we certainly wish for them to get the hell out. So without further delay...

Wayne Ford
Big mouth, no voice

Representative Wayne Ford likes to make sure you remember who you're talking to by referring to himself in the third person at least once every 20 seconds.

Representative Wayne Ford has been in the state legislature for nearly 10 years, and God help the patient policymaker who ends up in the office next to him, because they have surely heard him retell his inspiring story of how Representative Wayne Ford was just another dreamer from the projects of inner-city Washington before he became a football star at Drake University, a community leader in Des Moines and a state legislator in 1996.

Now, we're not saying politicians aren't generally a bunch of grandstanding wannabes all too confident in their ability to orate, but Representative Wayne Ford is so eager to hear his own voice he doesn't even wait for the end of the question - recently evidenced in a tirade about "terrorism" during a discussion about "tourism."

Representative Wayne Ford is so interested in Representative Wayne Ford that he's still recounting his chairmanship of commissions that disbanded 10 years ago because you won't find Representative Wayne Ford's name on too many bills that have gained recent traction for his under-represented African-American constituency.

Of course, we're not saying Representative Wayne Ford isn't a good guy, a passionate guy, a guy who started a vital non-profit that, we hope, uses wisely copious amounts of taxpayer money to aid in the transition of ex-offenders back into productive society and puts kids on the right path. But Representative Wayne Ford has become a broken record, a voice that is more political preacher than productive legislator.

And, with African-Americans facing staggering injustices in a white-bred state - look no further than the striking disconnect between the number of African-Americans residing in Iowa and the number of African-Americans behind bars in state prisons - Representative Wayne Ford may be one of the only people who thinks Representative Wayne Ford hasn't run his mouth enough to have run his course in state politics.

Gannett-oids
Bumbling hacks in need of a bitch-slap

Despite assumptions to the contrary, we don't abhor everyone over at the corporate rag on Locust Street. In fact, even a handful of The Des Moines Register's columnists are often worth their ink: John Carlson's recent series on Iraq revealed the old guy still has some edge, and Marc Hansen continually proves it is possible for a Gannett-oid to write with insight and wit. Then again, the sheer idiocy of a handful of self-aggrandizing dumbfucks sometimes makes us wish that white powder they discovered earlier this year had been more than mere rat poison.

Topping the list? Like, duh? Erin Crawford! Not afraid to admit that actual thought makes her absolutely empty head hurt ("The author wrote about city development this week, solely because reporting the story would require her to visit a local music store, which she knew would carry a CD she'd been meaning to buy"), she sets back the feminist movement several years with every mind-numbing take on "ubersexual" versus metrosexual men or bubblegum-in-cheek analysis of world events. Now, we're not saying there isn't room for some fluff in a daily newspaper, but Crawford is like cotton candy - a disgusting mess of neon pink slime that sticks to your fingers, and, although it is mostly air, makes you want to throw up even as you are consuming it.

Then there's "Baby Crawford," aka Olivia Gonzalez Howe, who is the iconic symbol of the Register's weekly dose of pastel-color advertising thinly disguised as appallingly superficial journalism for those who can only bring themselves to read a maximum of 100 words at one time. Sure, the entire sippy-cup staff at Juice is an affront to the intellect of every young adult in the metro, but Howe takes the cake when it comes to, not just acknowledging, but shouting from the rooftops that she literally has nothing better to do than mull over People's "Sexiest Man" issue several times in the span of a week, update happenings on "The Real World" for us pathetic 20-somethings who actually grew up and stopped watching MTV back in the '90s, dole out explicit play-by-play of her dating escapades and then, like oh-my-God, bemoan spending a Sunday afternoon wallowing in the self-pity of having a non-productive dating life. It's nothing short of the kind of groundbreaking (as in crashing into the sewer of shit nobody cares about) journalism that should have Crawford quaking in one of her 187 pairs of fake designer shoes.

But while Olivia at least is good for a laugh, the Register's supposed funnyman Ken Fuson puts a smile on readers' faces only when they envision shoving his pasty mug in the toilet for a Monday morning swirly. Fuson is the adult incarnation of that unbearable nerd in elementary school, and it shows in his pointless musings regarding topics no one cares about. Most nerds are smart. Fuson isn't even smart ass.

Using G-rated material he likely stole from a drug store joke book, the playground dork persona has hit it big, taking the place of Dave Barry (and failing miserably) with weekly columns whose sole humor lies in the fact that they actually get published. Believe us when we say we can take a joke. We just wish Fuson actually had a few worth listening to.

Loretta Sieman
Backstabbing civic "leader"

If you've ever watched Loretta Sieman blankly peer over the top of her obnoxious faux designer glasses at a West Des Moines City Council meeting and wondered if there's a thought going through her head - other than how she can better herself through backdoor deals with big corporations while screwing over residents - you're not alone. And if anyone embodies the arrogant, egregious way in which local politicians get away with murder (and ignorance) while virtually going unchecked by voters, the media and city officials, it's Sieman.

Case in point, while other members of the West Des Moines City Council were busy fielding complaints this summer from residents who were concerned about a Wal-Mart being built in the new "Galleria" and opening its doors during all hours of the night, Sieman was privately meeting with Sam Walton's officials to ensure the store's safe passage. And later, after public outcry, the South Side transplant was willing to share the blame when she admitted she and her fellow councilmembers were "over our heads" when dealing with the mess they created and that "we made our own bed and now we have to lay in it." Still, the damage was already done, and we're willing to bet she didn't mind taking some heat while gaining a few IOUs.

Last month, voters missed a golden opportunity to kick Sieman to the curb, but her constituents - namely large commercial real estate developers - flexed their financial and political muscle by contributing $61,000 to her re-election campaign, the most ever raised for a city contest. At an average of more than $60 per vote (1,107), first-time candidates like Ryan Anderson (440) and Russ Trimble (575) didn't stand a chance, though rumors swirled Sieman might not complete her term in order to seek higher office. A word to the wise, West Des Moines voters, insist on a public debate to test each candidate's worth, not their ability to sell you out.

And don't worry, pumpkin, we'll help pack your bags.

Kim, Jenny and STOPP PPGI crusaders

Woman-bashing Bible-beaters who say to hell with the truth

One can only assume right-to-life zealots are familiar with the 10 Commandments. But when it comes to attacking Planned Parenthood, they must have skipped over number nine - "thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor" - because these liars' pants are ablaze like a burning bush.

With a recent resurgence of half-page advertisements lambasting public funding of Planned Parenthood, the local Iowa Right to Life Commission and STOPP Planned Parenthood, headed by Kim Lehman and Leslie Teeling respectively, have only provided further evidence that the holier-than-thou crowd are no more than a pack of woman-bashing hypocrites. And with a concerted manipulation of the numbers, these allegedly God-fearing folk have been trying desperately to make PPGI look like a wealthy organization, laughing all the way to the bank as they jilt innocent adolescents with overpriced contraceptives, brainwash desperate kids into getting abortions and churn out educational materials teaching students to fornicate before marriage.

Too bad the real PPGI actually dedicates its strained budget to providing quality healthcare to low-income women who get meticulous advice about their medical options from experienced physicians who, in many cases, have given up more profitable careers to serve those most in need. Not to mention, Planned Parenthood provides the kind of educational and pharmaceutical resources that prevent the abortions these Bible-beaters so vehemently and unconditionally oppose.

So it's ironic that Lehman calls PPGI deceitful and dishonest as she cherry-picks the most dramatic (often already discredited) information about the hazards of abortion and trots out for public display the plight of girls, like Jenny, who openly admit that they were the ones who made a poor decision and got precisely the kind of assistance they sought from Planned Parenthood. They may squawk irrationally about how PPGI "doesn't care about women," but if Lehman and her select victims were really on the side of women, were really concerned about the psychological pain of unplanned pregnancies, they might realize that, despite what the Bible might imply about the female species, women don't need complete strangers making their medical decisions for them.

So, what would Jesus do? Probably tell dishonest zealots to stop using his name in vain and reserve a corner in heaven for the folks like PPGI Director Jill June, who tirelessly put up with their hollow antics to keep quality healthcare available to all.

Corporate coffee chains
Invaders of local turf

Sometimes you win by losing. For years Des Moines was too small to register a blip on Starbucks' radar, so the city developed a unique coffeehouse culture on its own, much like that of a college town. Independent coffeehouses brewed symbiotically with their neighborhoods, enriching the community. Java Joes, Zanzibar, Grounds for Celebration and Ritual Cafè all became entry-level art galleries, selling emerging artists' work either for a token fee or none at all. Java Joes is also a serious musical venue, booking the likes of Ani DiFranco as well as local acts. Grounds for Celebration and Paccheno's became two of the better bakeries in town. La Mie, which also supplies Capitol Grounds and Ritual Cafe, became one of the best bakeries in America. Break Room developed a valuable job placement resource center. And Zanzibar is a significant promoter of the slow-food movement, and supports sustainable agriculture, with farm-fresh eggs and milk from free-range cows.

But try getting any of that at Starbucks or Caribou, the two largest corporate caffeine dispensers in the country. Both now see Des Moines as fertile expansion territory. Caribou's coffee has a particularly alien flavor, beginning as a coffee house in Minneapolis and morphing into a mega corporation owned by a Bahrain-based banking house professing "Shari'ah-compliant alternative investments." It has committed itself to rapid expansion in both the Gulf of Arabia and the American Midwest, so Des Moines has been targeted with four stores already percolating. Plagued by rumors about ties to anti-Israeli terrorists, the company severed relations with a controversial adviser and declared: "Our ownership has no political agenda and is 100 percent opposed to terrorism of any kind, anywhere - period." Investors remained jittery. And Caribou stock dropped over a quarter from its initial public offering in September. Our rating: Unload.

The Greater Des Moines Partnership
pawn of Des Moines' BUSINESS elite

When we asked one of the city's top old-school business leaders what he thought about The Greater Des Moines Partnership, he laughed and said, "It's a joke. It's a pawn of this town's elite that takes care of its biggest contributors." When we asked if it does any good, this individual answered: "It just depends on where you're sitting."

And here at the city's weekly, we'd be remiss to point out that we don't have a chair at the insiders' table. Sure we get a call once a year - to remind us to pay our dues - but when we really put our heads together, when we really racked our brains, we couldn't remember anything the Partnership had ever actually done for us - other than, of course, help try to faze us out.

Designed to let special interest groups reach past the city limits of the original Des Moines Chamber of Commerce, the Partnership, now headed up by Martha Willits, was essentially put together to make life easier for big business. The group's Project Destiny ("A blueprint for the future of our economic and community development efforts") is supposed to help "identify" needs in the Des Moines area, and with Register Publisher Mary Stier at the Partnership's helm as chairwoman, the group astonishingly identified the need for a youth-oriented publication, or Gannett's own Juice. Stier, when we interviewed her earlier this year, likened the ordeal to the Meredith Trail. Just one glaring difference: Meredith, a true local company, didn't identify the need for the trail to turn a profit because its bottom line was sagging.
To make matters worse, Stier seems to openly use her powers to help scratch the backs of those who scratch hers. Register editorials and columnists often push for the projects the Partnership recognizes as being "important" to the community (although the paper never bothers to point out that Stier is involved), bringing to a halt the introduction of independent opinion regarding some of the area's bigger happenings.

"The fact that a chamber of commerce allows itself to get so hijacked tells you all you need to know," we were told. "Who's going to stop them? They're all in bed together, waiting for their turn at the trough. Not to mention, they take credit for every job created and every business expansion in town when they really do nothing but collect lots of money for no reason. The good the Downtown Community Alliance (which has its own board of directors) does even gets sucked into it because they share office space."

Added another leader of a long-time, large locally owned business: "(The Partnership) is supposed to promote and help foster a favorable business environment in Central Iowa that will make us attractive and somewhat of a magnet to attract new business to Greater Des Moines. So obviously one of their main focuses is supposed to be economic development. But I'd challenge them to show one economic development success where they actually went out and recruited some business to locate in here."

In the end, our source said, "The group has really turned some positive things into negative ones by not concentrating on the spots they should be, having poor leadership and essentially catering to only the big check writers. It's expensive and it's really destructive."

Dan McCarney
Enabler, choke artist

The Iowa State University football squad under the helm of head coach Dan McCarney has made much progress. The team has gone from dead last in a strong conference to the top of an extremely weak one - if you count co-championships, with teams barely above .500, and whose coaches get fired because they suck - and have been repaid with bowl trips to exciting destinations like Shreveport, La., and Boise, Idaho, and a perpetually half-empty stadium for home games.

With glory, however, comes a steep price.

McCarney let himself, his team and his university down by allowing a talented convicted felon back on the team because the individual could help stop the run. Not to mention, McCarney has had to play shill in order to generate any type of interest in the program despite its meager successes. Does he have Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz's number? Yes. But he doesn't have Mark Mangino's and Mark Mangino has his own ZIP code. Simply put, a loser is a loser. And McCarney, at least in Ames, will never be able to seal the deal, will never be able to get those pesky finger marks off his neck and he'll always be comfortably at home when the big ball drops in Times Square.

Make one game your entire season if you must. And make deals with the devil if that's what it takes to become bowl eligible. But the football gods will never look down favorably on this particular team and coach, because this particular team and coach have seemingly never wanted to be more than a state champion. Shortcuts and shortsightedness prove as much. And the handful of so-called fans does as well. Simply put: when you think of the Cyclones (nothing we recommend), you do not think of desire and sacrifice, and the blame lands squarely on the shoulders of the conflicted coach.

Iowa State may have "shocked the world" when it beat a Texas A&M squad with a losing record earlier this season. But what would be truly shocking is if the hotheaded McCarney could comfortably send out his kicker for a game-winning 18-yard field goal without that sick feeling that accompanies anyone who would rather be anywhere else. Coach, if you ask us, it's time to punt.

The School Bus
On the road of failed ideas

"Time makes more converts than reason."

Tom Paine was concerned with tyranny when he wrote that, but he could have been talking about school busing in Des Moines. What was once a reasonable endeavor in many large cities - busing students to achieve racial integration of public schools - has long since been done in by its unintended consequences for students: the disengagement of parents of all races, hardships with extra-curricular activities, and the separation of siblings. Declining property values, due to suburban flight, further decreased the quality of the very schools that court-ordered busing was intended to improve. And by the mid-'80s, busing was being phased out nationally, in favor of neighborhood and magnet schools. Not to mention, John Roberts was confirmed as Chief Justice of the United States this past summer with hardly a ripple of dissent about his overstated disdain for school busing.
Busing should be confined to the parking lot of failed ideas, but its bureaucracy jumpstarted a life of its own. In Des Moines, where racial desegregation was never a Little Rock-sized issue, busing became the slave to the lords of consolidation. Now every time a neighborhood school is deemed obsolete, more children are forced to attend those schools despite them being farther away from their homes - and busing metastasizes. We even bus school cafeteria food these days, putting the behemoths to work toting tater tots. And the only beneficiaries are in the oil business.

DMPS's transportation budget last year was about $6,675,000. And with gasoline prices as volatile as ever, it's fair to assume that this amount is also on its way up. Time to let the air out of this bad idea's tires.

Fritz JUnker
DMMC founder, pompous dumbass

We couldn't be more serious when we say there isn't enough time or space to count the reasons for which most of you and all of us at Cityview agree why Fritz Junker should get the hell out of town.

Other than a handful of morons - namely a few city officials, one or two club owners and about a dozen zit-popping members of the Des Moines Music Coalition street team - it's safe to say the majority of people who actually work in the music industry (and we're not exaggerating here) have seen the light and agree Junker is a self-glorifying, dangerous ignoramus, whose thinly-veiled attempt to "improve the local music scene" by creating the DMMC is merely a smokescreen to stroke his ego.

About a year ago, when Junker came riding back into town to the create the DMMC (an idea he borrowed from a guy in Austin) after leaving Hoyt Sherman Place, where he took credit for the venue's resurrection, the idea of having a non-biased, professional, third-party group that could unite and promote the local music community didn't seem like such a bad idea. Even Cityview decided to lend a hand by sponsoring an event in the early going, just to get a closer look at the organization and the "man" behind it.

But the more we talked to Junker, the more we realized what an actual threat he is to the scene itself. When he wasn't promoting himself at every possible juncture, he was alienating half the music community by catering to business owners and fans of "progressive music," crying about the heat he took for his comments regarding the poor state of radio, or pandering for cheap publicity alongside clueless politicians who know nothing about the music business but still see him as a way to grab the youth vote.

However, we here at Cityview have long seen through his bullshit and we've grown incredibly tired of it. And judging by the phone calls and e-mails we receive on a weekly basis from club owners, promoters, musicians, record label owners, radio folks and other industry insiders - you know, the ones Junker was supposed to unite but has managed to alienate and piss off - we're betting there are plenty of you out there who are more than willing to help us escort Junker to the city limits and stand guard so he never comes back. Ever.

The Ankeny Interchange bunch
Greed-mongers, political sluts

Simply put: Bill Knapp has done a tremendous amount of great things for this community. It is an indisputable fact. He has helped put Drake University on the map. He saved the Iowa State Fair. And the list goes on and on. But Knapp has only been able to do so much good because he is Central Iowa's 800-pound gorilla.

Whether William I, who began building his real estate kingdom in 1952, or William II who took over Knapp Properties in the early '90s, these guys are perhaps the most powerful special interest group in Polk County, unafraid to dub their land holdings an ever-expanding empire from which no Central Iowa patch of dirt is safe. And no doubt, having amassed staggering amounts of money, the various Knapp magnates have greased the wheels of increasingly sprawling development by pouring in campaign contributions to scores of relevant policymakers; just try to find an elected official in Central Iowa whose campaign disclosure report doesn't bear their name. As an elected official here, it's tough to get, well, elected, without a Knapp helping you along.

But guys like Knapp - and his sometimes partner Dennis Elwell - don't do it because they like politicians. Central Iowa works like any other corner of the world. Influence is for sale here just like anywhere else and bullying is commonplace. It's how the system works. But while some might equate enduring success with a laudable work ethic, it's clear that true ethics are perhaps the one thing individuals like these and those they manipulate have yet to develop.

As recent events have only proven in more public fashion, these are businessmen who have no qualms cozying up to politicians and those appointed by them by showering them with access-gaining contributions, and, once they've made it past second base, sticking it to the state's taxpayers by turning a huge profit on a land sale that will facilitate the controversial move of the metro's drivers' license station to Ankeny.

Even more upsetting is that they have been given carte blanche to do so by those who hold the highest offices in the state (Tom Vilsack), while others who should be protecting the pubic trust (Tom Miller) have yet to act no matter what the populace demands.

In the end, everyone involved deserves his day in court. Will it ever get that far? Will an investigation ever be launched? Will the paper that "broke" the so-called story have the balls to keep after it? Never. See, that's what "wired-in" means - people, the right people, always having your back.

Larry Smithson
Dim-Bulb Bar Owner

Amidst a slew of likeminded individuals working to make Downtown Des Moines and the Court Avenue District destination points instead of nighttime ghost towns stands an aging obstacle: Larry Smithson, the bar owner who continues to insult our intelligence by closing and reopening his lame-ass bars more often than some people change their bed sheets. While the owners of the businesses in this district band together - creating bar crawls or collaborating on outdoor festivals - in an attempt to improve the entire neighborhood, Smithson does his own thing, dancing to a curious beat, raising the roof non-stop and ignoring what the neighborhood truly needs.

Smithson owns a good chunk of the joints. You may remember these, some of which are defunct, some of which might be by the time you read this: Club AM, Club Statik, Generations, The Buzz, K-Boom, Pimpin', Rock's, Surf Shack, Envy, Papa's Planet, The U Ultralounge, Heaven, Stairway to Heaven. All of these bars have been located in the same handful of spaces that he continues to reinvent with extreme frequency, tossing orange paint and ideas on everything to see what might stick.

And while Smithson undoubtedly sees himself as some sort of martyr, changing with what he sees as the "needs" of the community, we can't help but see the benefits of simply kicking this aging entrepreneur out of town and handing his property over to someone willing to "get with the program" for the greater good of Court Avenue and the city as a whole.

The McCaughey Septuplets
Tired circus freak show

We don't need any more massive swine production facilities in Iowa, and we don't need to glamorize the ones we have while glossing over the tragic residuals. With this in mind, we introduce, yet again, the McCaughey Septuplets. Like hemorrhoids, they just can't help but pop back up. And like hemorrhoids, they are blisteringly painful.

We had hoped to be done with them, had hoped this year that the larger media outlets in the area would give the "story" a pass, because then we would have been able to do the same. But mid-November carries with it a promise of redundancy in Central Iowa, one you can set your watch to: stories and profiles and TV specials regarding the "Miracle Seven from Heaven" who actually were the result of a little bit of Kenny in a cup and someone who knew their way around a turkey baster.

Do we dislike Kenneth Robert, Alexis May, Natalie Sue, Kelsey Ann, Brandon James, Nathanial Roy and Joel Stevens? No. We feel sorry for them. Their parents have turned them into a curious Joseph Merrick-type act, while constantly ensuring anyone allowed inside the velvet rope of their Carlisle circus that, "The kids just want to be normal."

Then let them be normal, for God's sake, and quit embarrassing the rest of us who would rather not be tied to such weird science.

Carrying a litter this large to term isn't exceptional. It's odd, and not worthy of this much of the spotlight. Putting someone on the moon is one thing. But putting seven someones in kindergarten at the same time is quite another.

It's time to give the whole thing a rest. It's time to let these children be individuals. It's time to say "no" to paid appearances and excessive "news" coverage. It's time to quit walking around with a cup in your hand. And last but not least, it's time to pack up your free 15-passenger custom-made van and take this literal "show" on the road. We're over you. You should be over you, too.

Michael and Erin (Bot) Kiernan
Inflated Head and Max Headroom of Central Iowa

One makes a mockery of local politics; the other makes a mockery of local journalism. Michael and Erin Kiernan have managed to make themselves walking, talking, public-eye punch lines.

There are plenty of public figures we've learned to loathe. In fact, a few of them end up on this very list every year. And Michael Kiernan, the at-large Des Moines City Councilman, once thought to be the future of Iowa's youth movement, is a repeat offender. His massive ego is only surpassed by his ineffectiveness to get anything done on the council.

Instead of affecting positive change in our community, he's basically stagnated any potential for change by embodying everything that's wrong with politics. He will say or do anything to reach elected office, sell his soul if it will maintain his public status, seems to get pleasure out of berating and alienating the constituents he's supposed to be working for simply because he thinks he's smarter than them, and, of course, has an allegedly shady past. And for that, Des Moines residents should all be lining up to help him pack his shit.

But at least he won't be alone. This year, Michael is joined on this list by his wife, local newscaster Erin Kiernan. Erin, whose professional/political behavior has been questioned during her husband's campaigns, recently left perennial news favorite KCCI Channel 8 news for the perennial runner-up WHO Channel 13, though a non-compete clause says she cannot appear on the air until June. Still, the folks at WHO brought Erin to the Web through an animated, Max Headroom-esque likeness (dubbed News Bot) with annoying head ticks, while Erin's voice provides creepy hourly recaps of the headlines during the workday. Maybe her bosses thought she'd be irrelevant by June. We say she already is, as we'd much rather wait to see Kathryn Pritchard at 6 and 10 then watch animated journalism make a mockery of serious news headlines by the female side of Central Iowa's most wannabe power couple that seems somewhat big for its collective britches.

Cityview
Irrelevant rag

Being alternative means doing more than just stamping that particular word on a bevy of poorly composed "stories," fingernails-down-the-blackboard opinion pieces, off-track gossip, boring statistics, a bunch of incorrect calendar listings and entertainment pieces that endlessly play on like a skipping record. It means having an attitude and backing it up. But these days, it's quite obvious that attitude is what has been, quite curiously, missing the most.

In its heyday, Cityview was a must-read. It was edgy and confident. It made a difference. It started conversations. It was all about substance and outrage.

However, our bowing down to the wishes of our advertisers by killing cartoons like "Tom Tomorrow," our not wanting to take on risky content about those who are deserving of a kick in the nuts but deemed "untouchable," and our being afraid of distribution points giving us the boot over solid columns like "Savage Love" and "Jackass" has left this publication to be, for the most part, extraneous and boring. In fact, one long-time reader who has been so disgusted with us said: "You guys don't eat sacred cows for breakfast. You eat shit. You're Juice and the Press Citizen rolled into one." Even Dave Murillo quit, telling us, just like a cop, "If you talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk." Which is precisely why we have a wheelchair ramp leading up to the front door of our new digs.

See, Cityview barks a lot, but Cityview has no bite - not anymore. It is a dumbed-down version of its former dumbed-down self.

Oh, and as for those loud mouths. Do-nothings. Liars. Cheaters. Enablers. Pawns. Assholes. Opportunists. Sore losers. Losers period. Self-promoters. The obviously corrupt. The completely ineffective. The utterly useless. The unquestionably ignorant. And the dead-flat wrong we mentioned at the opening of this story. Welcome to our office. No short supply of any of the above here. Just as long as you don't forget the substance abusers, lazy asses, trust-fund babies and know-it-alls. We're an equal-opportunity employer. CV

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