Hospitalized husband's nuts on display irk prudish wench

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when - without warning - she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals. I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room. Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: Good God, the woman is a nurse. And while her seeing your husband's stuff might have been shocking to you, I cannot imagine she gave it a second thought. However, since you have trouble with the fact that in order to do their job, medical professionals need to occasionally poke and prod private parts, I'd ask any nurse who enters the room in the future if they are planning on giving your husband's mushroom on a stick a twist, and if they are, turn your head and let him cough.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter has been shaving her arms for the past six months because she says they are "hairy." I have tried my best to talk her out of it. I asked advice from a neighbor, and she said I should forbid her from doing it because she can get skin cancer. Is that true? -CONFUSED MOM, CALEXICO, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: Absolutely it's true. And if you cross your eyes too long they'll stay that way, and if you masturbate too much your palms will be extremely hairy - which is what Little Miss Teenwolf's arms will be if she keeps shaving them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a wonderful 1 1/2-year-old son, the love of our lives. Sadly, my father passed away before he was born and never got to see him. Recently, my family - including my mother - took a vacation together. We took some wonderful pictures of my mother holding her grandson. We're considering having one of the pictures enlarged professionally as a birthday gift to my mother, and my wife suggested we Photoshop a picture of my father into the picture so that there is a portrait of both my parents and their grandson. I like the idea; however, I am concerned that it may make my mother sad and be a reminder that my father is no longer here. What do you think? -TRYING TO BE THOUGHTFUL IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR THOUGHTFUL: While life may indeed be like a box of chocolates, we are not all allowed to be Forrest Gump, just popping up in history wherever we see fit because of the wonders of technology. Your dad is in the ground, and having him placed in photos after the fact would not only be confusing but extremely creepy, as well.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please settle something for us? My father is currently married to his third wife. His second wife died, and the church has annulled his first marriage. A justice of the peace married dad and his wife, but now he wishes to be remarried in a Catholic church. My father insists that, because a justice of the peace already married him, that this will, in fact, be his fourth wedding. I say it is still considered his third. Also, when all is said and done, which date would be considered their anniversary? -WONDERING IN WORCESTER, MASS.

DEAR WONDERING: It's so weird you wrote in because I was just sitting here wondering what uselessly bored people worry and talk about. So thanks for answering my question. As for yours, I truly cannot imagine why any of you give a flying fuck, but I think there was an episode of the "Love Boat" devoted to this very topic.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman, married to a man in his mid-50s. "Andre" and I have an 8-year-old daughter together, and he has three grown sons I helped him raise over the last 10 years. My problem is I feel deep inside that I'm missing out on what is supposed to be my "real" life. I know I was meant to have more children, but Andre had a vasectomy and doesn't want any more. I would like to return to college and get my degree, but Andre doesn't support that, either. I'd like to work with children or in a helping profession; Andre refuses to listen. I have tried to ignore my feelings. I have been to counselors. And I have been on and off anti-depressants for years. I don't think I love my husband anymore, and I feel in my heart that this marriage isn't healthy for our child or me. But I can't seem to make myself leave because of our daughter. Bottom line: At what point is it OK to make a decision you know will hurt someone else just for yourself? -UNHAPPY IN NEBRASKA

DEAR UNHAPPY: First of all, living in Nebraska isn't helping. Second, I don't think that it is Andre you fell out of love with. I think it's you. You are trying to fill a void that an old-fashioned man twice your age doesn't want to fill by giving you another baby, letting you pursue a degree or allowing you to get a job. And while that may make him a prick, at least one of you obviously knows that you have no idea what it is you really want. I mean, don't you have the Lifetime network? CV

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