By Erin Randolph erin@dmcityview.com

Lions, tigers and... beers? Oh my!

For those of us who grew up in Central Iowa, elementary school field trips generally meant going to places like Blank Park Zoo. And for a lot of us, we haven't been back since.

But the Bar Fly, with drinking assistants Jen, Lindsay and Joe, couldn't resist the chance to attend an installation of Zoo Brew, a 21-and-over, after-hours event meant to reintroduce working professionals to Blank Park Zoo. And what better way to lure them in than to open up its doors and exhibits after working hours, while also providing one the chance to imbibe and eat hors devourers while perusing the more than 1,000 animals housed in Iowa's only accredited zoo?

Since the event, on this night themed "Summertime Blues," didn't start until 5:30 p.m., we decide to head to All in the Family, a Bar Fly alum, to get a head start on the drinking. With happy hour specials including 75-cent draws and an old-school-basement décor that's far less contrived than the High Life Lounge, All in the Family remains a favorite on the Bar Fly roster.

After several rounds, we decide it's time to head to the zoo for some more fun. On our way in, we run into Felicia, 25, and Joe, 28, who attended Zoo Brew as a first date. Ironically and appropriately enough, Felicia is toting around a small zebra-print purse. Having been to a previous Zoo Brew, Felicia saw this as a good place for them to share their first outing.

"I think tons of people would love Zoo Brew," Joe says. "I was kind of disappointed that nobody got really drunk. We didn't see anybody feeding beer to the baboons or anything."

The two convince us that the event is worth the $10 admission ($5 for members), so we head inside where we're heartily greeted by at least five of the zoo's employees. Perhaps they're just excited to take our money, but the enthusiasm for this place displayed by its volunteers and animal keepers is outrageous. (Examples to follow.)

Upon entering the zoo, we stop to refuel at a tent selling $3 Bud Light and Bacardi Razz. The zoo was also serving a mixed drink at $4 a pop, but that was all sold out. When we receive our plastic souvenir cup full of booze, we set out on our journey through the zoo, Joe's first in about 20 years, and Jen and Lindsay's first since those elementary school field trips we mentioned earlier. Nobody seems very excited about the prospect of walking around and viewing caged animals, but in the name of research, we press on past the pink flamingos and into the Australia exhibit.

As we make our way into the aviary section, we're met by Kathy K., as her nametag reads, an extremely smiley volunteer who, without prompting, offers up bountiful knowledge of the birds housed there, including an account of how a kookaburra would go about hunting a snake. Yum.

Upon exiting, we wander our way into the petting zoo. As the Bar Fly changes a dollar into quarters and heads toward a vending machine spouting food pellets, she's almost run over by a pack of (perhaps overweight) goats who've been around long enough to know what that little red machine pukes into the hands of paying customers.

Joe heads over to a small fenced area, where Dolly the llama (ha, ha) stands poised and ready for some good lovin'. This is where Bill, an animal keeper, steps in.

"She smells deodorant and eats hair," he says. "That's about it."

Bill's wandering around the petting zoo sweeping up the goat poop, which looks exactly like a black version of the brown pellets they gorge out of people's hands. He says he's seen some interesting things in his time at the zoo, like people calling Dolly a horse or even a large goat. He's had people ask him what chickens are before. He even recounts a cute story in which a little kid purported that he knew exactly what an animal was. "Ewoks," he said confidently. Sorry, kid. They're emus. Now turn off "Star Wars" and tune into National Geographic.

But perhaps his weirdest encounter came from a creepy twentysomething who approached him wanting to milk the goats.

"He was weird," Bill says. "But just the way he asked was really weird."

Um, yeah, we can only imagine. Since this didn't occur during Zoo Brew hours, we can't chalk it up to drunkenness. But hey, a lot of people have weird fetishes. Right?

We join Joe, who's scratching Dolly where her back meets her tail.

"You like the butt scratches? Huh? Do ya?" Joe says in a voice normally reserved for puppies and small children.

Joe turns to us, "All animals like the butt scratches."

As we exit the petting zoo we buy another round of beer and head to the seal/sea lion exhibit. Lo and behold, there's Kathy, ready yet again to espouse her wisdom. As we approach, her eyes disappear into slits behind her glasses as she smiles to greet us. A volunteer for 20 years, she informs us of the difference between seals and sea lions, and as fast as she appears, she's turned her smile in a different direction and is off to educate some other unknowing individuals.

"She could say that monkeys like to fling poo at each other and I'd believe her," Joe will later say of Kathy.

We continue our jaunt around the place, determined to see the giraffes. As we pass the lions, we can't help but notice they're nowhere to be seen. And the tigers ... also gone. We figure they're just hiding, seeing as how it's barely 8 p.m. and there's still a half hour left to go of Zoo Brew. Giraffes can't hide, we reason. We enter the giraffe habitat, and, of course, it's empty.

We run into an animal keeper who informs us that they have permission to put animals away at 8 p.m.

Feeling a little defeated, we head toward the front gate. The closest we've seen to a zebra is the purse we saw at the beginning of the night and the animal print on the large sign that greets visitors to the zoo. We have seen plenty of ground squirrels and rabbits, which offer little consolation.

No lions, no zebras, nothing. Gone. For some reason, this doesn't matter.

"See, now I'd definitely come back." Jen says as we approach the exit.

"To the zoo?" Lindsay asks.

"Yes."

"Me, too," Joe says. "But I'd come at 7 next time."

"I wouldn't wear heels," Lindsay says.

And with that, the zoo has four more converts.

Bar Notes

The newest East Village hipster hangout, The Continental, has started serving live music on Tuesday nights along with its Mojitos. The tunes start at 9 p.m. with no cover charge... Big Dog Billiards has opened at 2200 E. Euclid, providing Des Moines with enough pool tables (47, to be exact) to serve a small country. The tables are rented by the hour in this 18,000-square-foot monstrosity. CV

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