By Andrew Brink

More cover: The Irish Queen    A Friendly Son Of St Patrick    You Can Thank This Man

You can judge how passionate a person is about St. Patrick’s Day by looking at his or her dog. For example, if you happen to cross paths with my pooch during the month of March, you’ll find her sporting a T-shirt that reads “Kiss Me I’m Irish,” (Old Navy, $1.99). No matter how much I like to pretend she picked out the shirt herself, it doesn’t change the fact that my dog is the silent victim of an emerald-stained frenzy that begins in the dark days of February — with a re-reading of “Dubliners” and the stockpiling of sale-priced Guinness — and ends with a marathon of drinking, eating and spirited salutations to my ancestors on March 17.

As the listings below show, I’m certainly not alone in my affection for St. Patrick’s Day (aka, the best day of the year). Des Moines is a hotbed of activity for souls ready to celebrate their Irishness or temporary Irishness. With 13 percent of Polk County residents claiming Irish ancestry, and 99 percent of residents ready to drink “leprechaun piss” (the ubiquitous St. Pat’s Day cocktail containing blue Curacao, triple sec, peach schnapps and orange juice), there won’t be a melancholy spirit in sight. From corned beef and cabbage to Irish punk rock, Des Moines’ pub and nightlife scene offers celebrations suiting any shade of green.

But as Bob Conley, founding member of the local chapter of The Friendly Sons of Saint Patrick, warns: don’t do anything that will embarrass your ancestors.

Caveat: The following is a non-exhaustive list of St. Patrick’s Day celebrations and events. If your St. Patrick’s celebration is not found on this list, please, stop sharpening that shamrock and accept our sincerest apologies.

St. Patrick’s Day Parade and Post-Parade Reception

Considered by many as the backbone of Des Moines’ St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, the parade begins at noon at 15th and Locust streets. The route then travels east on Locust and ends at Embassy Suites (101 E. Locust St.). The co-grand marshals for the parade are Big Ken and Colleen from STAR 102.5, who will lead 200 entrants through the route. Parade organizers expect more than 10,000 revelers to attend the parade. Stick around for a post-parade reception at the Embassy Suites that includes food and live music. The parade and reception are free. For more parade information, visit www.geocities.com/stpatricksdayparade2000/.

A.K. O’Connor’s

A.K.’s St. Patrick’s Day extravaganza involves seven bands, three tents, two free shuttles and a $10 cover. Ten bucks will get you an A.K.’s wristband that gives you access to all three tents — one at each of A.K.’s three locations in Beaverdale, downtown and West Des Moines — and unlimited free trips on the A.K. party shuttle that will transport you between all three parties. It also gets you the official 32 oz. A.K. mug filled with green beer that can be refilled for $7 all day. The tents will feature Irish folk music, Scottish bagpipes, Jell-O shots and free giveaways. Shuttles run every 40 minutes. No cover before noon. Multiple locations: 4050 Urbandale Ave., Des Moines, 277-2227; 216 Court Ave., Des Moines; 3530 Westown Pkwy, West Des Moines, 226-1717

Autograph’s Rock’n Roll Sports Bar and Restaurant

Green beer will be pouring all day at Autograph’s. But traditional Irish fare stops there, replaced by chili dogs ($1.25 each) and hot wings (50 cents each). Drink specials include: $2.50 bloody marys; $12 buckets of five domestic beers; $12 buckets of four imported beers and pitchers of domestic beer for $6.25. Some special green-colored shots will also be available for your drinking pleasure. 3828 100th St., Urbandale, 251-8899

The Cab Lounge

The Cab in Johnston opens at noon on St. Patrick’s Day and offers $1 corned beef and cabbage, $5 car bombs, green Jell-O shots and specials on Green Shamrock shots. Green beer will be served Friday through Sunday. Free beads and stickers. NCAA action can viewed in Hi-Def. Smoke-free. 8460 Birchwood Ct., Johnston, 276-5930

Cabaret Lounge

The Cab in Clive opens at 11 a.m. on St. Patrick’s Day and offers the following: $1 corned beef and cabbage; green yards of green beer with refills for $3 all day long; Green Horny shots and green Jell-O shots. 8450 Hickman Rd., Clive, 276-9927

Cabaret West Glen

The Cab in West Glen offers a three-day Irish celebration, beginning on Friday with $3 yards of green beer. On Saturday, doors open at 11 a.m., with offerings of $1 bowls of corned beef and cabbage, $5 Car Bombs along with green Jell-O shots, free beads and stickers and NCAA action in Hi-Def. 560 S. Prairie View Dr., West Des Moines, 225-1105

Coach’s Corner

If you have a hankering for Irish lamb stew or Irish potato pancakes, then head on over to Coach’s Corner. To wash down the stew and cakes, the bar is offering pints of green beer for $1.50 (all day while supplies last) and martinis for $4 from 4 to 7 p.m. 1261 8th St., West Des Moines, 223-8808

Cooney’s

It’s business as usual at Cooney’s on St. Patrick’s Day, which means they are pulling $2 domestic and $3 import pints all day. Cooney’s has 10 beers on tap, including Bass, Guinness, Harp and Smithwick’s and opens at noon. No cover charge; smoke free. 3708 Beaver Ave., Des Moines, 274-9877

Comedy Co-Operative

A world premiere on the eve of St. Patrick’s Day. The Comedy Co-Operative starts the holiday weekend off with a new sketch comedy show — “Wearin’ o’ da’ bling” — Friday at 7 p.m. at The Fourth Street Theatre. Dave Brooks, founder of the Co-Operative, promises that the show will teach you things you never knew about St. Patrick. “For example, most people don’t know St. Pat didn’t really drive the snakes out of Ireland. In reality, he took a cab,” says Brooks in a written statement. The show combines sketch comedy, stand-up comedy and original music with leprechauns and the Irish mafia. The show stars Brooks, Greg Althoff, Kevin Best, Dan Chase, John Donovan, Cindy Levich, Eric MacDuff, Michelle Parkison, Rusty Putnam and Dave Williams. Tickets are $10 at the door or through Iowa Tix (iowatix.com). 216 Fourth Street, Des Moines, 243-3270

Crush

While every St. Patrick’s Day party will be decked out in green, Crush is hosting the official Green Party. The entire club will be decorated in green and the party will feature a real leprechaun (they promise). Green attire is encouraged. Discounts are given on any green-colored drink. For V.I.P. bottle reservations, call: 707-8117.
2249 N.W. 86th St., Clive, 276-6021

Crave

Corned beef and cabbage will be served, with drink specials yet to be determined as of press time. 5513 Mills Civic Pkwy., West Des Moines, 226-9991

Drink

Searching for St. Patty O’Drink? Look no further than Drink, where they will be serving green beer all day long. Whether or not you can compete with Michael Flatley, you’ll be forced to move your feet to the beats of D.J. Green Jack. 8410 Hickman Rd., Clive, 270-6274

El Bait Shop

El Bait Shop is calling all ale drinkers on St. Patrick’s Day. From 11 a.m. – 4 p.m., the Shop will offer Boulevard Irish Ale and Old Capital Celtic Cross Red Ale for $3 a piece.
200 S.W. 2nd St., Des Moines, 284-1970

Flanagan’s

Flanagan’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration begins at 10 a.m. and will be held in a 5,400 square foot heated tent. No cover will be charged. Green beer will be flowing for $3 a pint. Jell-O shots will be available for $1. Traditional Irish fare of corned beef and cabbage will be served alongside BBQ pork sandwiches. At 8 p.m., the After Hours Band will be take the stage and perform until 1 a.m. As always, there will be loads of giveaways. 2120 Ingersoll Ave., Des Moines, 243-3333

Hairy Mary’s

Are you ready to rock those shamrocks? Hairy Mary’s has the honor of hosting Murphy’s Law, a hardcore punk rock band from New York. Murphy’s Law has spent the past 10 St. Patrick’s Days rocking out in NYC. But according to Mary’s owner Jeff Wright, half of NYC’s live music clubs — like CBGB — have closed in the last six months, inspiring Murphy’s to hit the road and play Des Moines. “Hairy Mary’s is their new favorite club, so they say,” says Wright. This is an all-ages show, beginning at 6 p.m. Cover: $10. Drink specials will be announced. Don’t miss Irish-American history in the making. 2307 University Ave., Des Moines, 255-2456

Hessen Haus

Put the boot down (in honor of St. Patrick), and enjoy pints of Guinness for $3.50 from open to close. 101 4th St., Des Moines, 288-2520

High Life Lounge

The High Life Lounge welcomes fans of Guinness and Irish Car Bombs. From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., pints of Guinness will be $4 and Irish Car Bombs $5. 200 S.W. 2nd St., Des Moines, 280-1965

Liar’s Club, hosting the First Annual Court Avenue St. Patty’s Day Block Party

The Liar’s Club is celebrating their grand opening by hosting the first annual Court Avenue St. Patty’s Day Block Party. The event, spanning Court Avenue between 2nd and 3rd streets, begins at 4 p.m. The band Long Beach Shortbus will headline, with several other acts to be scheduled. Drinks specials to be announced, but green beer and St. Patrick-inspired shots are guaranteed. Cover: $10. 216 Court Ave., Des Moines, 771-3859

Limey’s

Limey’s starts the day with the soothing sounds of bagpipers at 6 a.m. Breakfast will be served starting at 9 a.m., including eggs (possibly green), bacon, and sausage along with corned beef and cabbage. Martinis will be $6 all day, along with specials on 20 ounce pints of Guinness and Smithwick’s. 1970 Grand Ave. # 29, West Des Moines, 222-0476

Mac Daddy’s

If the words “All you can drink” are music to your ears, Mac Daddy’s might be the place for you. All-u-can-drink green beer will be served from 7 to 11 p.m. for the low price of $7. 2005 S. Ankeny Blvd., Ankeny, 963-8999

Manning’s

Start the day at Manning’s, where doors open at 6 a.m. Manning’s will offer $5 pitchers of Boulevard, Bud, Bud Light and Miller Light all day. Shot specials to be announced. 2102 Indianola Ave., Des Moines, 288-0030

Michael’s Restaurant and Lounge

Michael’s is serving corned beef and cabbage with a chaser of green beer. It doesn’t get more traditional than this. 4041 Urbandale Ave., Urbandale, 255-9894

Mickey’s Irish Pub

Mickey’s theme this St. Patrick’s Day: bringing back the tradition. Mickey’s is bringing back their tent, and rolling back their cover charge, which traditionally has been as high as $25. On St. Patrick’s Day, Mickey’s opens at 6 a.m. and will serve green eggs and ham. Beer is available for $4 all day. Make sure to pick up one of Mickey’s limited-edition St. Patrick’s Day mugs — free while supplies last. No cover before 3 p.m.; after 3 p.m., cover will be $5. Live music will be performed under the tent and inside the bar. On St. Patrick’s Day eve, Pomeroy performs live, with drink specials to be announced. 1800 86th St., Clive, 252-0248

Murphy’s Irish Pub

Murphy’s invites you to support your real Irish bar. Accordingly, Murphy’s is offering $5 Car Bombs, green beer, beads, prizes, giveaways, Shepherd’s Pie and corned beef and cabbage. Doors open at 10 a.m. 2675 100th St., Des Moines, 334-0633

Orlondo’s on Park Bar and Grill

Green beer. Full Blast will perform live. Cover: $3. 4337 Park Ave., Des Moines, 244-3637

Paddy’s Irish Pub

A pub that comes straight from the heart of Ireland, Paddy’s is hosting a St. Patrick’s Day extravaganza that begins a full week before the big day. On Thursday, any green bottle of beer is $2.25. On Friday, apple or Midori martinis are $4. Eighteen-ounce mugs of beer will be on special on Saturday, along with $4 Jager Bombs and Red Barons. Paddy’s is also giving away a custom-built Guinness Bar — including a beer fridge, Guinness signage, custom pub glasses and a free keg, valued at $4,500 — on St. Patrick’s Day. Patrons can register for the drawing once every hour. The winner will be chosen at midnight; must be present to win. 8675 Douglas Ave., Urbandale, 331-3334

The Royal Mile

The Mile, which opens at 9 a.m. on St. Patrick’s Day, will feature Scottish pipes and drums at noon. Drink specials include: Pints of Guinness, Harp and Smithwick’s for $3; Irish Car Bombs for $5 and Green Shenanigans for $4. 210 4th St., Des Moines, 280-3771

Sage

Sage invites you to enjoy their Irish feast, which promises to add a contemporary flair to traditional Irish fare. The six-course meal begins Saturday evening at 7 p.m. and includes: soup (creamed baby nettles with duck rabbit confit and candied lemon); salad (crispy fried Cooleeney cheese with beets, micro greens and chutney); fish (mussel and oyster “hot pot” with Desmond cheese and dulse); meat (braised leg of lamb with potatoes “colcannon,” parsnip and carrot mash); sweets (the Stanley’s steamed fruit pudding with a John Power’s whiskey butter) and cheese. Cooleeney, vintage Irish cheddar, cashel and brown bread crostini). Irish beers, ales and whiskies will also be available. The cost is $65 per person; reservations required. 6587 University Ave., Windsor Heights, 255-7722

Sully’s

Sully’s opens at 6 a.m. for their 27th annual St. Patrick’s Day tent party. But don’t worry about missing breakfast. The bar will serve green eggs and ham, provided by Hy-Vee, for $1.02 a plate. STAR 102.5 will be broadcasting live all day. Plenty of beer and “leprechaun piss” will be on hand. Cheers! 110 Grand Ave., West Des Moines, 255-9970

That Irish Shoppe

This purveyor of all things Irish encourages you to get your green on. The shop will open at 8 a.m. on St. Patrick’s Day, allowing you plenty of time to pick up a Guinness T-shirt or woolen fisherman’s sweater to wear to the parade. To preview their Irish treasures, visit www.thatirishshoppe.com. 136 5th St., Valley Junction, West Des Moines, 633-0030

The Twisted Parrot

The Parrot will be celebrating their fifth annual St. Patrick’s Day tent party from noon to midnight. Drink specials, available inside the bar, include: $2 pints, $5 pitchers of green beer and $3 lucky bombs. Outside in the tent, a one-time payment of $20 will get you free refills of green beer from noon to close. DJ Mojo and DJ Vito will be spinning the hits. No cover. 6500 Hickman Rd., Windsor Heights, 309-0580

Zimm’s Food and Spirits

Looking for some corned beef served in a way that doesn’t involve cabbage? Try one of Zimm’s corned beef quesadillas, served all day. Wash it down with $2 green Long Island Iced Teas. 3124 Ingersoll Ave., Des Moines, 277-9929

The (Irish) Queen

Each year, The Friendly Sons of St. Patrick select their Irish Queen. The Queen, who must be 21 years old, single and of Irish heritage, helps lead the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. The Friendly Sons recently selected Charlotte O’Hern of Des Moines as the 2007 Irish Queen. O’Hern, 22, and a graduate of Lincoln High School, runs DMI Dance Force, an award-winning dance and tumbling school.

Cityview spoke with the O’Hern about the responsibilities of leading the city’s most loved parade.

CV: What interested you in becoming Queen?
CO: I’m Irish and attend the parade every year. Last year, when I was 21, I decided that I’d like to apply to be Queen. I’m proud of my heritage, and love the idea of being able to represent the Irish-American community.

CV: What are your responsibilities?
CO: People think you are only queen for a day, but I’ll be in this position for a full year. I’m expected to attend the monthly meetings of The Friendly Sons. Since this is an all-male group, I’ll provide a female voice. What’s great is that I basically have 100 new dads for the next year. I also get to represent the organization at various charity events throughout the year.

CV: How do you usually celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
CO: We always attend the parade, which is why I was interested in being Queen in the first place. After the parade, my family throws a huge party. In my family, it’s forget Christmas. St. Patrick’s Day is the big day for us.

A friendly son of St. Patrick

If you can trace your ancestry back to the Emerald Isle, then it’s almost certain your ancestors arrived in the New World lower than a snake’s belly. “The Irish came here starving and illiterate — not exactly the people you want to build a country with,” says Bob Conley, owner of the downtown Holiday Inn and founding member of Des Moines’ chapter of The Friendly Sons of St. Patrick, the group that organizes Des Moines’ annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. The Friendly Sons, a national organization, formed in 1771 in Philadelphia to assist Irish immigrants with finding jobs and adjusting to life in America.

“But the Irish clanned together, and pulled themselves up,” says Conley. “The Irish embraced their ghettos, gathered around their church and over the course of time, built their strength through politics.”

Cityview recently spoke with Conley — considered a local leprechaun and keeper of Irish-American history — about how Irish immigrants, who first settled on the East Coasts of Canada and colonial America, eventually made it to the Hawkeye state.

CV: What brought the Irish to Iowa, and Des Moines in particular?

BC: Most of the Irish who eventually settled in Des Moines came here to work in the coalmines or to help build the railroad. There was a big influx of Irish immigrants in America during the famine, which started in the 1840s. The famine completely changed Ireland. A third stayed in Ireland, a third died and a third emigrated. The Irish were exiled all over the world; to Canada, Australia and America. The Irish came to Iowa because the ghettos on the East Coast were filling up. There was free land to be had out here on the frontier, which was a huge deal for a group who had no money and were working as indentured servants.

The Irish pulled themselves out of poverty by following the same formula they followed everywhere they went. They banned together and supported each other, eventually working their way through the ranks and into the police force and politics. They had to stick together, because people wanted nothing to do with them. In fact, Irish Catholics weren’t allowed to join any Des Moines country clubs until 1950.

If an Irishman from Boston were traveling through Iowa, they’d stay with a relative, or a relative of a relative. You’d take them in, feed them. You would do what you could for them until they moved on. It was a wonderful way to live.

CV: When was the Des Moines chapter of The Friendly Sons of St. Patrick established?

BC: We were founded in 1976. We had a difficult time setting up the organization, because no one wanted to sponsor us. Other chapters, like San Diego and Philadelphia, turned us down because they weren’t sure about us. Were we were really Irish? Were we related to farm animals? To be a member, you have to be able to trace your lineage back to Ireland. New York finally let us use their bylaws and constitution, and we used those to build our own organization. We set ourselves up as a charity and have raised money for local charities every year. We also organize the parade, which started out small, but now has 200 entrants each year.

You can thank this man

St. Patrick may be the man of honor during a holiday that everyone can agree upon, but his history is widely disputed. The study of his life has even spawned its own academic sub-discipline: Patrician Studies. Authors Mike Cronin and Daryl Adair provide perhaps the most succinct summary of St. Patrick’s life in their book “The Wearing of the Green: A History of St. Patrick’s Day.”

According to the authors, St. Patrick’s birth name was Maewyn Succat and his birthplace was most likely Wales. But he may have been born in Scotland or France. He was born around 416 AD — or as early as 387 AD. Near his 16th birthday, Succat was kidnapped by Irish marauders and enslaved. His grandfather was a Catholic Priest, and Succat maintained his faith while working as a shepherd in pagan Ireland. When he was 22, Succat was visited by an angel who instructed him to leave Ireland. Succat listened to his dream, and walked 200 miles by foot to the coast where he was given passage to Britain.

In Britain, Succat spent 20 years studying as a monk before being visited by yet another angel. This time, Succat was instructed to return to Ireland and convert its people to Christianity. Succat sailed back to Ireland with a new name: Patricius. At this point, the legend of Patricius takes a turn toward the superhuman. He is said to have been able to turn people into animals. He was credited with performing miracles and cursing his enemies. He is even said to have driven all the snakes out of Ireland. St. Patrick died between 463 and 493 AD. It should be noted that no historian credits St. Patrick with the ability to turn beer green. CV

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