By Jim Duncan CVFDude@aol.com

The latest franchise food theme to hit Jordan Creek's restaurant row is the most interesting by far. Previously, chain outlets there brought Americanized concepts of familiar "ethnic" and "regional" cuisines. But P. F. Khan's introduces Iowa to a carefully programmed version of "Arabic" cuisine.
Who would want to do that? The answer is pretty surprising.

P. F. Khan's is owned by The Great Khan Corporation, which is jointly controlled by Howling Owl, a company of former Hooters executives, and Deliverance Inc., the world's most powerful media consultant. Earlier this year, in an interview with German business magazine Fuhrer, Deliverance CEO Richard James explained.

"We know more about everybody than any government does, but that information is only valuable when you market it," James says. "In our partnership with Howling Owl, we target a place in Iowa because a station there (KCCI TV) controls the largest share of any television news market in the so-called free world. Of all places, where people have disposable income, this demographic area in Iowa is the most thoroughly brainwashed. We will apply the same principles to a restaurant that worked on television."

P. F. Khan's proudly admits their initials stand for "Politically False" and that "some things always offend some people." For starters, the restaurant pushes alcohol (wonderful Lebanese beer Almaza is on tap), which is forbidden to the predominant religious group of the region this food supposedly represents. That's not completely out of line though. The best Lebanese restaurants in America sell beer and wine. But P. F. Khan's does so in their "Kaaba Bar," which could be construed as a blasphemy to the holiest relic of Islam. Their waitress costumes, designed by House of Versace, will be even more controversial. They have the flow and texture of djellabas, but are cut sharply to reveal bare thighs and plunging necklines. At a pre-opening media event, journalists were asking whether waitresses would be raped, or stoned to death, if they wore such clothing in the Islamic world. The consensus answer was "both."

There was obvious pandering to the local TV news audience: the entire female service staff was blond and wore extremely heavy makeup. Asked about this, a surprisingly candid public relations director replied, "That's no accident. Our research found that people have 'different' expectations of blonds. We're 'all in' with that hand."

The $5 million restaurant is furnished lavishly with camel and rhinoceros leather, hand-carved olive wood and a three-story-tall Italian marble "Fountain of Martyrs," attributed to Maya Lin and Kirk Blunck. There were two lavish "historical stone oven baking stations" where bread was made "in the authentic Middle Eastern manner," which apparently means by blonds, dressed like harem slaves in an Italian movie, throwing flour at one other. At Belly Dancer's Juice Bar, more blonds squeezed 32 kinds of fresh exotic fruit, while stone grinding coffee beans with cardamom.

The menu made some concessions to religious sensitivities - "Tehran-derloins" were made from chicken, not pork. But they were served with "hajj browned potatoes" and a "tawaf-tapas" platter of seven dips. Our waitress thought it was hilarious to pronounce the word "two after pussies." Other things were altered less offensively for the local palate. Fire-roasted "Daddy loves me" ("baba ganoosh" in Arabic) was made with corn rather than eggplant. "Muja-tahini" were sesame seeds, but curiously deep fried. "Mul-hummus" substituted soybeans for garbanzos. "Fatoosh" offered tortillas, as well as pita chips. Kibbee was beef rather than lamb, but at least it wasn't pork. Same thing with the "Hawkeye Game Balls" (meatballs). Two seemingly authentic dishes made the entrèe menu - a marvelous lamb ribeye and date-roasted quails, along with 32 different kebabs.

"Basra burgers" and "Mecca wings" highlighted the children's menu. Dessert offered 26 sweets. Fuhrer quoted James admitting that a key part of his marketing strategy would be "pushing free desserts" at elementary schools in Deliverance's demographic area. As with television, you can sell anything if you add enough sugar and get to the children," he said. CV

P. F. Khan's
911 Restaurant Row
Jordan Creek Town Center, West Des Moines
Open daily 9 a.m. - 11 p.m.

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