Jessica Brackett has received written submissions from a teenage girl so brutally beaten by her peers that she was left bloody and bruised, discovered by police and held in the hospital for five days to mend a jaw broken in two places. As the executive editor of The Voice - a magazine for and by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied youth in Iowa - Brackett's published accounts from a high school senior who stood dumfounded in front of her locker, staring at peer-written notes that outline, step by step, how a "fag" like her should be taken to a remote location and her throat slit. And barely six months since the first issue of The Voice began circulating among LGBT students across the state, a common theme is already emerging as submissions continue to pour in.

"Most of the pieces," Brackett says, "have to do with being harassed and bullied in schools and the overall trend of feeling alone and isolated."

Ryan Roemerman knows those stories of isolation and intimidation all too well. In fact, the Ottumwa native-turned-Des Moines resident lived that reality himself.

"I wasn't out in high school," he says. "And, to be completely honest, I wasn't out in high school because I was too afraid to be. But when I came out in college, I realized how much healthier my life was and that I had the right to be out in high school."

So three years ago, Roemerman helped establish the Iowa Pride Network, aiming to organize and empower LGBT students. Now the organization's director, he travels to schools both large and small, rural and metro to educate gay kids about their rights and inspire in them a sense of community. But even as LGBT youth are finding their voices, Roemerman says, they're telling the same disheartening accounts of persistent harassment in their hallways and classrooms.

"I see some students who, thankfully, have understood at an early age that they have the right to be who they are," Roemerman says. "But there's also a number of students who think they have the right to degrade someone else because they don't understand or believe in who they are. High school is hard, but it's even harder for these students. Gay kids are specifically being targeted for harassment. It's very clear. There are some lawmakers saying, 'Well, all kids are bullied.' But when it comes to pervasive, threatening and demoralizing harassment, it's the LGBT students who are specifically targeted."

This month, Pride Net released the second half of its 2005 School Climate Survey, outlining in hard numbers the hostile environment faced by LGBT students in Iowa schools. According to the survey, more than 90 percent of LGBT students reported frequently hearing homophobic remarks and 75 percent reported that school staff rarely or never intervene. More than 80 percent reported being verbally harassed in their schools, nearly 60 percent had had their property damaged and nearly 20 percent had been physically assaulted due to their perceived or actual sexual orientation. Fortunately, the "shocking nature of what we've found in the report," Roemerman says, has provided a localized foundation for a widening discussion about the safety of LGBT youth.

Most notably, this week hundreds of child advocates and state educators convened in Des Moines for the Governor's Conference on LGBT Youth. Hosted by the Governor's Office and the LGBT Youth in Iowa Schools Task Force, organizers say they were hoping for 250 people to attend the day-long series of workshops, from "Counseling LGBT Youth" to "Safe School Policies." Instead, the conference garnered such a staggering amount of interest that organizers had to cap the registration at 500 attendees and start a waiting list. Which, according to task force Director Brad Clark, proves in dramatic form that, "people are thirsting after this knowledge." But, while he hopes the event will empower educators, policymakers and students to create change in their communities, he notes that building to the point of a governor-sponsored event that was the first of its kind in the nation "has taken a lot of work and hard conversations."

"I think in education there's a great amount of fear of discussion of these issues," Clark says. "Teachers, school board members, they're incredibly afraid to go into this area... But a lot of smaller communities are realizing they're going to have students coming out very shortly and they want to be prepared for that. And I think we're at a very good point to do that; every major education association in the state has gotten behind it. So we're at a real interesting place."

A far different place than five years ago, if you ask Alicia Claypool. The chair of the Iowa Civil Rights Commission, she says it wasn't until 2001 that the majority of commission members voiced support for the inclusion of sexual orientation in the state's non-discrimination code. And just as Claypool initiated a committee to study the issue, she read with shock the account of a bright teen who had been brutally harassed at his Story County high school because of his sexual orientation.

"The student had been subjected to immense teasing and harassment based on his sexual orientation," she recalls. "He had his tires slashed, he'd been subjected to tremendous bullying and he had tried to commit suicide. And this was a very talented young man - a good student, a wrestler. We thought, 'This is just horrible that kids should experience this kind of harassment.'"

So after the committee members spent a year getting themselves up to speed, Claypool helped create the LGBT Youth in Iowa Schools Task Force - a group comprising a diverse panel of experts, representing state educators, university academics and community advocates - in 2002. And, despite some initial hesitance, Claypool says, Iowa educators were eager to discuss ways to protect LGBT students who are not specifically protected by state law.

"What we found out as we presented at these education groups was that they were just dying for information," she says. "They had nowhere to go. It's not mandated by state law in any way, so they couldn't formally or adequately respond to, 'What do I do? Where do I go for information?'"

And that level of intense and widespread interest changed the course of the task force, Claypool says. Originally charged with convening just one community forum to raise awareness about the issue, the Ames event (with security guards at the ready, Claypool says, just in case) was so well-attended and well-received that the panel continued to convene such public forums over the past three years. According to Clark, those 14 public forums attended by more than 2,000 people have not only dramatically increased awareness of the issue but also cultivated coalitions between educators and advocates. Nowhere is that more evident than the Governor's Conference, which Clark hopes will be another tipping point in making schools safe for gay students. Brackett, along with other advocates, shares Clark's optimism.

"Hopefully, by Gov. Vilsack - our number one political leader - stepping up and saying this is important, he will establish the way to deal with this issue," Brackett says. "It's stepping up to the plate, talking about the issue and not ignoring it anymore."
Jennifer Mullin, spokeswoman for the governor, says Gov. Vilsack and Lt. Gov. Sally Pederson "feel it is their responsibility to ensure all young people are treated with dignity and respect. They also believe that, as a state that promotes its quality education system, Iowa must live up to that promise for all kids. We are trying to be proactive regarding this issue - Iowans don't condone violence or discrimination elsewhere and we are certain they wouldn't condone it in schools."

With that in mind, Mullin says the governor charged the state Department of Education with creating a model anti-harassment policy that would be protective of LGBT students - a task they completed in 2004. The governor, Mullin adds, then introduced legislation last year that would require school districts to enact anti-bullying standards that specifically codify sexual orientation as a protected class. But as Kathi Slaughter, spokeswoman for the Department of Education explains, while the department supports the legislation, establishing such standards that specifically account for LGBT students is "a sensitive tightrope for us to walk."

"For LGBT students, we have to continue the message that all students need to be safe in schools," Slaughter says. "That, to us, is an effective message because it limits any debate, so to speak. If you say you have to specifically include sexual orientation in a harassment policy, someone can then debate whether LGBT is a protected class - which is certainly a legitimate debate because it's not, legally, under state law. But the issue of protection is not a debate; we need to do whatever necessary to make that happen. So if a school needs to have an LGBT support group, that's not something we want to mandate for them, but if they need that to make sure LGBT students stay safe, it's something the district should consider."

But advocates say leaving protection to administrators' discretion - no matter how well-intentioned - simply isn't good enough. For instance, over the past year alone, Roemerman and Pride Net have worked with students to establish more than a dozen Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA), but adds there is still a distinct need for many more at schools throughout Iowa. And while students generally work hand-in-hand with school staff in their groups' creation, Roemerman points out that, in some instances, administrators remain resistant, despite a federal mandate that requires equal access for such extracurricular groups.

"Some administrators who are reluctant use the line, 'Well, we're afraid it will be targeted,'" Roemerman says of GSAs. "And our point is; if an administrator is afraid of starting a GSA for fear of harassment, there's a clear need. There's a problem at the school and a GSA is needed."

And, while studies show that LGBT students who attend schools with Gay-Straight Alliances are subject to fewer homophobic remarks and disparaging treatment, advocates emphasize that work needs to be done at the legislative level to standardize a statewide rejection of anti-gay behavior and establish a clear recourse for students who suffer from a hostile school environment.

"One of the main problems we have right now is there is no policy statewide that mandates sexual orientation and gender identification be added to non-harassment policies," Roemerman says. "A lot of teachers say they would enforce it if they had the backing. And one of the areas that is lacking is that certain people are not wanting to grasp the situation that is plaguing many schools in Iowa."

Advocating for the legislation over the past several years, Clark sees that lack of understanding among a troubling number of lawmakers at the Capitol, noting that "unfortunately, certain legislative leaders are blocking these proposals from coming forward."

For instance, last year an anti-bullying bill that includes sexual orientation was passed out of the Senate's Government Oversight Committee, but was not allowed to come up for debate on the Senate floor. Sen. Stewart Iverson, Republican floor leader in the Senate, did not return calls for comment on this issue. In the House, an identical bill has been referred to an education subcommittee, which, as of last week and at long last, had yet to be convened. Calls to Rep. Scott Raecker - who sits on that subcommittee and, in his professional capacity, acts as the executive director of the Institute for Character Development at Drake University - went unreturned, as well. Given the fact that only 77 out of 367 school districts in Iowa have anti-harassment policies that explicitly protect lesbian and gay students, that failure to act is frustrating to many advocates.

"On the one hand, legislators pay lip service and say, 'Yes, we should keep all kids safe,' but that doesn't translate into moving bills forward out of committee or even having a hearing on the subject," Claypool says. "I'm sorry to say, but the issue has been so politicized and caught up in gay rights issues of the day. Which is very unfortunate because, in the meantime, kids are not being protected, kids are not safe in their schools. They can't achieve their full potential and that's our loss as a state."

At this week's conference, students spoke out in favor of such legislation and described their experiences in schools where they feel unsafe, in classes that leave them subject to bullies, in hallways where they hear comments so demeaning their concentration falters and their grades begin to plummet. But as Brackett knows from working with The Voice, "when youth are able to tell their own stories, they begin to understand their own power and the power of their own voice." These are their stories.

Sara Henriksen

My name is Sara Henriksen. I am 16 years old and I'm currently a senior at Waterloo West High School. Throughout my time at West I have experienced firsthand the kind of hate that is created by ignorance and a sheer lack of knowledge concerning LGBT issues.
I moved to West during my sophomore year. Coming from a smaller, more conservative town I was excited to start at West. I figured that since it was a bigger school the people there would be more accepting.

I still remember sitting in biology class and this boy asked me if I was gay. Without hesitation I said, "Yes, why?" Heads turned and I immediately fell silent. From then on I became known as "the dyke." Silence became my best friend and my worst enemy. During the rest of my sophomore year, school became hell for me. I found myself struggling to find a safe space, a place where I could go to be myself. I just retreated and convinced myself that things would be better next year.

However, when school started again my junior year I was completely unprepared for the events to come. The summer had offered no relief and my world was slowly starting to crumble. My hope that last year's events would not continue were soon crushed when I learned that my last year of high school was looking to be the worst. I had been made the victim of a hate crime during the summer, so when the harassment started at West I just couldn't handle it. I was getting spit on, pushed into lockers, hit in the bathrooms, and people were constantly making comments. I started skipping class and my grades were falling dramatically. I knew things couldn't continue but I didn't know what to do.

Then I started getting notes in my locker. The notes were usually just a word or two typed out on a piece of paper and slipped through the holes at the top of my locker. At first, I honestly thought that they were just a joke. Until one day I finally reached my breaking point.

I went to my locker and opened it. There were two pieces of crumbled paper lying at the bottom of my locker. As I opened the first note, I stood there dumfounded. I didn't want to believe what I was looking at. On the piece of paper was a picture of Matthew Shepard. His face was in flames and it read, "You will perish like Matt Shepard."

I then opened the next letter, which basically detailed all the ways a person could, as they say, "Take care of a fag" (see sidebar). The note listed in detail step-by-step ways to kill a person. I felt like I was reading a script out of a horror movie. I thought I was going to be sick. I felt alone and exposed like I had this dirty secret that everyone knew.

At this point, I had to do something, so I got in touch with a teacher and counselor - two people who I soon learned would be my support and stronghold at school. We reported the incidents to the administration. In the months that followed my locker was moved and things were said to be "getting looked into." This has been my experience with the administration and West High: one failure after another.

To this day I am still getting notes and being harassed and nothing has been done. I still walk down the halls in fear, wondering if the footsteps I hear behind me are those of the person who will be the next to hurt me. I still sit in class and cringe every time I hear "fag" or "that's so gay."
Myke Curry

Imagine you are a young person in today's society. You look in the mirror and what do you see? You see a perfectly healthy young person. That's the superficial assumption. Deep down, there is something nagging you and churning your stomach. This feeling is a mixture of guilt and fear. Guilt because you are not being yourself and fear for your well-being... You are a young person who is gay.

Why hide this little difference about yourself? Because your peers and classmates do not hesitate to attack the gay community with their offensive homophobic remarks and the adults take little or no action to interfere with the discrimination. It would be no surprise to walk down any hallway or corridor of any high school in Iowa and hear an upset student sneer, "That's so gay!" For whatever reason that annoyed them, they use the word "gay" in a demeaning way. One can hear this ignorant and offensive remark and many other homophobic remarks throughout the halls of Southeast Polk High School.

I have been a student at Southeast Polk for seven months, and just in that short time, I've had my fair share of homophobic remarks directed at me. Just recently, a fellow student at Southeast Polk obtained my daily school planner and maliciously carved the word "FAG" into the cover. As if that weren't enough, he took the time to write the three-letter word again on the first page of my planner and continued with the harassment by writing, "You = Douche."

Another incident included a female student shouting down the hall, "Stupid, gay boy in my damn way!" as she aggressively brushed past me. An even more offensive event took place right after first period ended. A male student was conversing with another student behind me, just within earshot. The student said, "I love things rammed up my butt. Oh, yeah! Yes! The kid in front of us likes it in the butt..." The two students ended the remark with a menacing cackle.

How does one go about dealing with these situations appropriately and effectively? And how does one go about addressing and enforcing a policy against homophobic remarks when there isn't one? Well, that is why I implore that legislators create a law that protects students who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender by enforcing a strict policy that punishes students who say anything or act in any way that is considered homophobic or anti-gay.

Bob

I took the biggest risk of my life in my public speaking class my sophomore year. We were giving our graduation speeches. In my speech I came out of the closet. I told my class and the whole school that I am gay. During my sophomore year in high school my life changed drastically.

This is a little bit uncomfortable for me to talk about. At first the harassment was not a problem. Then, out of nowhere, students were calling me names and threatening my life. They would call me names like faggot, fag, queer, and flamer.

At the beginning of this school year I was afraid to go to my own school. I hoped that with the new school year things would be different than before. At first they were not different; in fact, the harassment grew to a whole new level.

My life was threatened by a bully. He said that he would trash my car and pound my face in. Unfortunately, I had the same bully in my gym class. There were times when I felt like just walking out of the gym, leaving school and not coming back. The first physical encounter was in the third floor hallway. He walked up to me and purposely rammed right into me.

I hit back with my notebook. He turned around and tried to belittle me with a glare, but I just looked right back at him until he walked off. The next one was during gym class. We were playing hockey, and when I was going for the puck, he came over and intensely pushed me to the ground really hard and just gave me a glare. The gym teacher just told him to sit out for a while, but he did not. The teacher did not do a thing about what had happened. Not only was I furious with the bully, I was also angry with the gym teacher, who I trusted.

I could not take it anymore. So after class I finally went to my principal about the bullying. My principal asked me what he should do. I said that I wanted to file harassment charges on him and for him to be punished. The principal said that he had never had to deal with anything like this before. The bully only received an hour detention. Even still, I am on guard for someone thinking that they can just push me around. Due to the bullying, my grades did suffer.

By halfway through the second quarter I was failing many of my classes because I could not concentrate. I was always worried about him and his friends doing something to my locker or even my car. I had made the huge mistake of not talking to anyone about my problems. I kept all these feelings bottled up inside. I finally broke down and told my parents and teachers. Many of the teachers were kind enough to accept most of my work late, and my counselor helped me get through my assignments and get them done and turned in.

Just a few weeks ago I went to my first GSA [Gay-Straight Alliance] meeting where I met [Iowa Pride Network Director] Ryan [Roemerman] and teens that support LGBT teens. I felt so safe. Being there was weird a little at first because I did not know anybody there, but I soon felt like I was at home. They deal with the same stuff that I have to deal with. Like people saying "that's so gay." This school year I'd like to try and start a GSA at my small-town school.

A way that teachers can make schools safer for other LGBT students is to create more understanding. In fact one morning one of my teachers stopped me and said, "Hey, guess what? I am having the freshman class read some poems by gay authors!" I was like, "Are you serious?" Then she says, "Absolutely." Just things like that can help other kids learn tolerance and appreciation for all people, including those who are gay.

Emily Frerichs

I live in an exceptional community. Orange City is a wonderful place to grow up, and the town definitely molded me into the person I am today. My town's high school has always given me a great atmosphere in which to learn and, after I came out, that did not change. Being the only gay student, I feel safe at my public school. I know of several students across the country who have been physically and verbally harassed and taunted because of the fact that they are gay. I am one of the few kids who can stand up and say that I am not.

Before I came out, these thoughts never occurred to me. A lot has changed over the past year, including students I know. Their reaction wasn't exactly perfection, but fear dominated my thoughts about possibly telling anyone that I was a lesbian. Stories of shock therapy and Christian counseling overpowered me. I hoped that everyone I knew and loved would not let such a characteristic destroy that unconditional emotion they had for me. I wasn't even entirely sure if I would be welcome in my house any longer. Regardless of this precariousness, I took the risk.

The week I came out at school might as well have been labeled the worst week of my life. Questions came at me from every direction, and I found myself battling for my dignity with my friends at the lunch table. People I had known my entire life began to make me feel as if I was worthless, despite my attempts to redeem myself. My GPA for that quarter of the school year dropped to 3.0, and my best friend believed that I was contemplating suicide, although it was an option I would never consider.

For three months, I was forced to change alone in the locker room because a few girls said that they were uncomfortable taking off their clothes around me. These three girls were my close friends. Graffiti was written on my car, and I heard several rumors about how other students wanted to vandalize my home. The stares and whispers I faced every single day were enough to fuel my paranoia wherever I went. At that point, I was fearful for my safety. But a lot has changed.

This past fall of my senior year, I started a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at my school. There were challenges from the administration, but after a month of deliberation, they let the club pass. They feared that the club would cause more issues than it would resolve, but my only thought was, "If issues are going to be stirred up by something as innocent as this, they need to be resolved regardless." Once having heard, "That's so gay" at least 20 times in a school day, I now can't recall the last time I heard it. The issue is brought up occasionally, and students are no longer fearful to express their opinions. My GPA this past semester was 3.945. You could definitely say that I'm happier and a liberated person. Coming out and forming a GSA has changed my life for the better.

However, some students are not so lucky. In fact, compared to other students, my story may seem like a fairy tale. Legislation must be passed to improve our schools' climates. Anyone can tell another student that using racial slurs is not acceptable by simply using their school's non-discrimination statement. GLBTQ students cannot do that. If we simply pass the legislation to include sexual orientation and gender identity in Iowa schools' non-discrimination policy, we have that foundation to work from.Students will be protected in every sense, and students overall will feel safe.

Amber Johnson

My name is Amber Johnson and I'm a senior at Lewis Central High School in Council Bluffs. I came out to my mom four years ago. I wish I could say that I told her directly, but the truth of the matter is that she found out from the principal my freshman year in high school.

I had been given a full-ride scholarship to attend a private all-girls Catholic high school. I did know that I was different than most of the other students when it came to sexual orientation. When the administration found out everything fell apart. At the end of the school year I was asked not to return to school.

I didn't understand it. I was a "good kid." I was on student council. I was in the drama program. I was a cheerleader. And here I was... being "cut loose"... "let go"... "expelled" for being gay. I was no longer going to graduate from the high school that I had planned on attending.

I'm not a criminal. I'm not bringing anything on myself. I'm a student. Just a student, trying to get an education. That is what school is supposed to be about. School is not supposed to be about orientation, but about education. I don't want to feel like I have to pretend to be someone that I'm not, just to get the basic rights, the basic treatment, that my peers do. I don't want to feel isolated. I don't want to feel afraid. And I don't want to be treated differently from other students.

The thing I liked about Iowa was the fact that I felt safe. And I don't feel safe anymore, in my world or in my school. CV

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