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'The Pink Panther'

By Dan Vinson

Originally slated for an August 2005 release (delayed because of studio buyouts), the newest entry in "The Pink Panther" sweepstakes is not strictly a remake, but an amalgamation of all the Inspector Clouseau films starring the inimitable Peter Sellers. He played Jacques Clouseau five times for director Blake Edwards (six, if you count the final posthumous cobbling by Edwards) between 1963 and 1978. Now, if anyone can approximate Sellers, it's Steve Martin, but Martin's "Cheaper by the Dozen" director Shawn Levy is not someone who echoes Blake Edwards.

This "Pink Panther" concerns theft and murder. The theft is, of course, the "pink panther" diamond from the finger of French soccer coach Yves Gluant (Jason Statham), in front of a packed stadium. And he's also the murder victim. Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline) wants this case closed quickly, but more importantly, he wants the credit. Passed over for the French Medal of Honor five times, he won't allow a sixth. To ensure bumbling, so that he and his ace detectives can quietly go about solving the crime, he finds the most incompetent police officer in France, Jacques Clouseau. A loyal public servant, if woefully lacking verbal and manual dexterity, the promoted Clouseau gets assigned a partner, Ponton (Jean Reno), who secretly reports their "progress" back to Dreyfus. In Clouseau's corner for real is his adorable and equally clumsy secretary, Nicole (Emily Mortimer). Starting with Gluant's girlfriend, the pop star Xania (pop star Beyoncè Knowles), the suspects begin to pile up, also including a disgruntled player formerly known as Xania's boyfriend, the team trainer Yuri (Henry Czerny), and assorted Gluant business partners.

Meanwhile, Clouseau and Ponton get used to working together - Clouseau's interviewing tactics, bizarre mannerisms, and attacks "without warning" to keep Ponton alert - and Dreyfus' team forges on. But then Clouseau becomes famous after inadvertently thwarting the "gas mask bandits" (insert clever cameo here), and Dreyfus needs to knock him down a few pegs. When Clouseau and Ponton follow Xania to New York they proceed to make public fools of themselves (via Dreyfus), and worse, France. The disgraced Clouseau is off the case, and Dreyfus, by jove, is ready to take over. But something on the Internet sparks Clouseau to grab Ponton and Nicole and try to close the case. In the final, very public, unmasking - Scooby-Doo style - will Clouseau be right, or Dreyfus? Will Clouseau live to solve crimes another day?

Bathed in full-time silliness and accents (even Frenchman Reno seems to be doing one), "The Pink Panther" contains enough pratfalls to fill a soccer stadium. Clouseau seemingly can't walk five feet without falling or setting something on fire. That gets old. The Sellers films more successfully balanced physical comedy and sight gags with ridiculous, witty, referential dialogue, but this "Panther" script, despite the obvious Martin touches, isn't quite as smart about being dumb. And whereas the original "Panther" paved the way for generations of spoofs, 40 years later, with audiences encountering, among innumerable others, "Airplane," "Naked Gun," "Austin Powers," and "Scary Movie" (not to mention "Saturday Night Live"), no matter Martin and company's intentions, spoofs aren't unique anymore.

Still, this doesn't mean they're entirely unwelcome either. There are four chief reasons to catch this "Pink Panther": Martin, Kline, Mortimer, and priceless tough guy Reno. All their film work is plenty varied and here, especially when Clouseau and Ponton try to pass for Xania's backup dancers, plenty funny. CV

'Final Destination 3'

By Erin Randolph

You can't cheat death. But somehow horror films - including the "Final Destination" series - continue to cheat their audiences out of genuinely scary films. And beyond that, they're hardly ever rated correctly. Films that should have been made for an 18-and-up audience are dumbed down into PG-13 teen flicks. And the opposite is true sometimes, as well.

"Final Destination 3" is in the latter category. This film, about high school seniors who attempt to cheat death, is more appropriate for a PG-13 crowd, if only because the film's main characters are under 18 (which makes things interesting when we see two 17-year-old girls' boobs exposed in a scene clearly made to titillate the males' senses in the audience).

In this installation of the "Final Destination" franchise, set six years after the original, a high school senior has a premonition about a fatal rollercoaster ride that turns out to be true. Her boyfriend and some of her classmates fall to their gory deaths, but those who were allowed to exit before the ride embarked are left to deal with the ramifications of circumventing their fate: death. As death comes after the rollercoaster riders in the order they should have died, the girl with the premonition powers works to warn those whose turn is up next.

"Final Destination 3" isn't scary; it's gruesome, with deaths punctuated by plenty of blood, guts and brains splattered about. And it's the extremely violent deaths that create an underbelly of discomfort that exists within the viewer, who's left to wait for gory death after gory death without much respite as these teens drop like flies. And it may make some people rethink riding rollercoasters or visiting tanning beds.

On top of all the extreme violence, there are glaring plot holes that prevent this film from fully succeeding, even for those whose only requirement in a horror film is blood and plenty of it. Had the gore-factor been turned down, and had this film been marketed to a high school crowd, these plot holes may have been more forgivable. Perhaps such alterations will be made in "Final Destination 4." CV

'Firewall'

By Lexi Feinberg

Harrison Ford has built a career playing strong everyman types, laughing in the face of danger and ensuring that good always prevails over evil. In "Firewall," he plays - you guessed it - an average Joe fighting to save his family from bad guys who threaten to unleash domestic chaos.

Working as a top computer security executive at Landrock Pacific Bank, Jack Stanfield (Ford) designs high-tech anti-theft software to keep criminals from hitting the jackpot during robberies. The system is completely foolproof and perfectly protected, which gives a group of baddies headed by Bill Cox (Paul Bettany), a prime "eureka!" moment: they will stalk Jack and follow his every word and movement for a year, so they can break the codes by using him as a pawn. They learn everything there is to know by trailing him, monitoring his computer access and learning secrets about his family.

One evening while he is at a business meeting, his stalkers break into his upscale ocean-front home and seize his wife Beth (Virginia Madsen), daughter Sarah (Carly Schroeder), and son Andrew (Jimmy Bennett). But instead of taking them captive to a far away place, they decide to camp out at their home and hold an informal slumber party with guns. But there is no time for cheese dip or pillow fights; these guys mean business.

The movie becomes a cat-and-mouse chase through a series of B-list action segments (yes, there are several car chases), and ultimately collides into a deadend wall of immeasurable stupidity. Ford growls his lines like an aged grizzly bear, and thanks to Joe Forte's absurd script, his dramatic moments only invoke laughter. Madsen, fresh off her success in "Sideways," is reduced to a vacant chirpy housewife role.

The nail in the coffin for "Firewall" is its unapologetic string of product placements. It seems obvious that there was a bidding war for corporate sponsorship during production. Throughout the story, an iPod, camera phone, and computerized dog collar help save the day. The moral of this story is that if you don't have fancy gadgets, you may as well accept your doomed fate. CV

'Mrs. Henderson Presents'

By Lexi Feinberg

Mrs. Henderson (Judi Dench), a wealthy woman living in London circa 1937, doesn't roll over and die when her husband passes away. While she is saddened by the loss of her longtime love, she isn't about to bury herself with him. "I'm bored with widowhood!" she announces to her friend Lady Conway (Thelma Barlow). And instead of taking up embroidery or making a daily routine out of sipping tea and eating crumpets at noon, a different plan of action is taken: she buys a theater and features female performers wearing nothing but a smile.

"Mrs. Henderson Presents" is the story of a courageous lady who takes an unconventional route after personal tragedy. After buying London's Windmill theater on a whim, she meets with a manager named Vivian Van Damm (Bob Hoskins), hoping he will run the business. Immediately, they engage in bickering love-hate banter, each taking turns offending the other. Although they seemingly can't stand each other, there is a lingering sexual tension, and they agree to do business together (strictly professionally, of course).

Van Damm comes up with a revolutionary idea for the theater called Revuedeville," a series of musical vaudevilles performed nonstop throughout the day. While he insists on full artistic control, Mrs. Henderson meets his demand with inadvertent reluctance. She just can't help from offering her two cents, ranging from "what a frivolous bore" to "how delicious!" Soon after, he bans her from the theater, but she sneaks inside wearing a variety of costumes, including a foolish tap-dancing bear suit at an audition. There are no limits to Mrs. Henderson's stubborn eccentricities, or Van Damm's strong desire to run the company without her interference.

When "Revuedeville" becomes so popular that other local theaters copy it - bringing the Windmill to near bankruptcy - Mrs. Henderson steps in with the lucrative idea of getting girls naked on stage. But first, she must convince Lord Cromer (a surprisingly uptight Christopher Guest) to grant them permission within country guidelines. He finally agrees, unable to turn down this powerful woman, with the understanding that the girls must stand still resembling nude statues in a museum. There will be no jiggling, frolicking or the like. And the theater group is off to recruit a group of young, beautiful women, including Maureen (Kelly Reilly), to stand in the background and display what nature gave them, while the real singers and actors perform the show.

"Mrs. Henderson Presents" is a ton of fun with the flashy, energetic musical numbers and silly offbeat humor. Writer Martin Sherman ("Indian Summer") provides a generally light, entertaining romp at the theater, and director Stephen Frears ("Dirty Pretty Things") continues his winning streak. The dynamic between Van Damm and Mrs. Henderson, played to perfection by Dench and Hoskins, is a throwback to 1940s screwball comedies in the vein of "His Girl Friday." They both wear their flaws like badges of honor and it's a hoot to watch them engage in verbal duels.

Where the movie falls short is when it injects drama into an otherwise pleasant, easygoing story. The blitzkrieg hits, bombs start striking London (World War II), and a twinge of forced drama explodes with them. In these brief spots, the movie struggles to find its footing.

The story is inspired by true events, and it's easy to distinguish which scenes are real and which are written in for dramatic effect. Thankfully, most of the film's run is a rip-roaring, crowd-pleasing, grand ole time. It's tough to make a movie that includes screwball comedy humor, musical numbers, and a backdrop of war-stricken London. "Mrs. Henderson Presents" rises to the occasion and generally shines, earning a well-deserved round of applause. CV

'Something New'

By Lexi Feinberg

Kenya (Sanaa Lathan) is a hard-working businesswoman with an impressive income, a brand new house and a great group of friends. What she doesn't have, though, is a man by her side, due in part to overly high standards and a busy work schedule. But unlike many films that would portray Kenya as a gorgeous woman who somehow can't get a date, in this case, it is clearly her own choice to be single. Like 42.4 percent of black women who aren't married, she just hasn't found that IBM - ideal black man - to settle down with yet.

When her friends set her up on a blind date, she is shocked to see that it's a white guy, Brian (Simon Baker) smiling and introducing himself. Overcome with discomfort about dating out of her race, Kenya leaves skid marks as she races out of the coffee shop. But it won't be long before they are reacquainted at a party. Brian is a landscaper, she discovers, and, shockingly, her bushes need tending to. And after seeing how great Brian is with his hands, that he loves dogs, enjoys adventure, and looks perfect with his shaggy hair and finely sculpted biceps, Kenya can't help but to sample some vanilla.

"Something New," the directorial feature debut by Sanaa Hamri, breaks no new ground with its familiar plot devices, but does offer flashes of intelligence and truth beneath the surface, while touching on the very touchy issue of race. And if you can look past the predictable formula, and the fact that this story itself is far from being something new, it's at least a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours. CV

'When a Stranger Calls'

By Joshua Tyler

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" helmer Simon West steps into the PG-13 horror genre director's chair to deliver one of its weakest entries yet. "When a Stranger Calls" is the story of a teenage babysitter named Jill (Camilla Bell) tasked with hanging out at a lavish house in an isolated location and watching kids until their parents get back. She's not there long before she's frightened by a cat, and the creepy music starts there and never lets up. But there's nothing to justify all the scary background sounds, as Jill wanders aimlessly through her employers' well-appointed house doing nothing.

Eventually, the phone rings and on the other end is a lot of heavy breathing. Jill hangs up, but it keeps ringing and so she keeps answering. Who is this creep on the other end of the phone? Is it her boyfriend? Her spazzo, party-whore girlfriend? Hold on, she's got to take a break to get scared by an icemaker.

If you've seen any of the trailers, then it's not a spoiler to tell you that the strange caller is actually in her house. But the movie takes its time getting there, and to make up for it, it tries to find scares in the completely mundane existence of lavishly wealthy rural living. This type of in-house scaring has been done better, even recently, in movies like "The Glass House" and last year's "Hostage." "When a Stranger Calls" brings nothing new to the table, and screws up a lot of the good stuff that's already been done before.

Perhaps it seems old hat because this is a remake of a 1979 pseudo-thriller of the same name. The difference? That movie was at least rated R, allowing the possibility, however slim, of actually being scared by something. However, the new "When a Stranger Calls" is a minimum-effort horror movie. It does just enough to scare easily unnerved 13-year-old girls, and not much else. Luckily for Sony Screen Gems (but perhaps not so lucky for those of us who wish they'd stop making this sort of movie), there are plenty of underage would-be babysitters willing to pile into theaters and pay for overpriced tickets.CV

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