1 Not him again
In a move that surely struck fear in the hearts of local donut fans, Osama bin Laden released an audiotape last week promising more attacks on the "heart" of the United States. This, just weeks after Iowa officials revised the list of the state's top terror targets, including a vital Krispy Kreme location in Clive.

2 Councilman under fire
According to a lawsuit filed last week, a former employee of the Better Business Bureau is charging that she was fired last year after raising concerns that Des Moines City Councilmember Chris Coleman - who also heads the bureau - allegedly had inappropriate contact with a 21-year-old intern, including asking her out for drinks, suggesting she join him on a business trip to Las Vegas and "repeatedly grabbing and holding her hand." Coleman had no comment for metro media.

3 Jail? What jail?
After local officials told the public to have a little foresight and approve a new jail because it will save taxpayers in the long run, the county admitted to a lapse in foresight themselves last week. Faced with tough decisions for next year's budget, county officials acknowledged that they forgot to plan for how they're going to make millions of dollars in bond payments before the jail opens its doors in 2008. Whoops.

4 Judicial rap sheet
With Democratic opponents lining up against Supreme Court Justice nominee Samuel Alito last week largely on the grounds that his appointment would be a blow to civil rights, Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin joined the critical chorus without having even met the guy, noting that, "I don't need to talk to Alito. He's got a record."

5 First amendment back in the trough
Once again attempting to defend large-scale hog producers by savaging democratic principles, the House Agriculture Committee once again passed the "Chronic Agricultural Complainer" bill last week, which would hold financially liable any citizen who "complained" about a factory farm more than three times without the state taking action against the alleged offender. Of course, given the state's lamentable record in holding such facilities accountable to even the most basic environmental standards, rural residents say pointing the finger at the folks who are dealing with producers' shit (quite literally) is not only grossly hypocritical, but anti-democratic in the extreme.

6 Big swinging dicks
Candidates for Iowa governor accumulated more than $5 million in campaign contributions according to initial disclosure reports - the most ever in a year before an election - with Newt Gingrich buddy and renowned philanderer Jim Nussle raising more than half of it on his own. Whether any of them will be worth a shit as governor, however, is still up in the air.

7 Not very intelligent design
Taking the cue that stupid American teenagers need less confusion when it comes to their studies, the Vatican newspaper published an article stating that "intelligent design" is not science and that presenting it as such will only create bewilderment. This is not to assume, however, that the Pope thinks we came from monkeys. But on second thought, who cares when there are all these healthy young boys around.

8 Ewww, the homeless
Des Moines city leaders want to remove dozens of makeshift camps used by thousands of homeless people that can be seen by users of a new multi-million dollar recreational trail near downtown. Said Des Moines' acting city manager - and hopefully not from a car phone - to the daily, "We want to approach this with compassion for the people who are there" - and the homeless people, too, we're guessing.

9 Sorry, gramps
The Iowa Supreme Court ruled last week that grandparents have no right over a mother or father's objections to visit their grandchildren. The case, involving a bitter divorce where the mother gained custody, saw the woman freezing out her husband's parents after he bailed. The grandparents have said they will throw in the towel. So much for Christmas.

10 Now that's offensive
Fancy new Iowa laws that have cost state taxpayers millions so that our children are safe from sexual predators (you can play on the jungle gym, you just can't sleep by it) were exposed last week when it was discovered that twice as many offenders are missing than were six months ago. CV

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