Man discovers wife's old affair has rekindled online
DEAR ABBY: I went into our home office and noticed that my wife had left her e-mail on. I spotted an odd name, so I opened one of the messages and my jaw dropped. It was from a man with whom my wife was having an affair. The e-mails were so graphic as to leave nothing to the imagination. This person is someone with whom my wife had an affair before we got together. He was going to leave his wife and live with her before we met, but when push came to shove, he stayed with his wife and just used mine for sex. One of the messages discussed a planned meeting that did not take place - only because he got stuck at work. She e-mailed him and told him he could stop by the house any night after 10 and have sex for an hour or two because our 5-year-old son and I were sleeping in other bedrooms! She insists that "nothing happened," which I have trouble believing. We have been seeing a therapist who believes my wife, and says that since "nothing happened" it wasn't an affair. I disagree. Am I wrong? -FURIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FURIOUS: What? Do you guys have a gas leak or something? I understand a little half-and-half on the back porch maybe while you and the kid have hit the hay, but a couple hours of sex? You guys must be deep sleepers. Either that or this guy carries around a ball gag. Whether or not it's really cheating if she hasn't done it is up to interpretation. But I do know this: if my spouse were inviting some other dog over for some well-documented bone, I wouldn't be wasting my time in therapy or writing letters to advice columnists.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, Tim, and I have been together almost two years. He's an accountant - a buttoned-down type of person who always has to make sure the "I"s are dotted and the "T"s are crossed, if you know what I mean. I, on the other hand, am an artist who prefers to live my life in broad-brush strokes. My problem is that Tim cannot stop nitpicking and second-guessing everything I do. I love him, but it is really getting to me. Is there a solution to this? I have reached the point that the next time he does it, I'm afraid we're going to come to blows. -MR. J IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MR. J: I don't want to hear about your sex life, so come to blows on your own time. My job is to get you through this squabble. Tim, it seems, is extremely anal and you like to leave your undies on the floor. Best advice: date people like yourselves. You don't see a bunch of Jews and Muslims hooking up, do you? Well, the same can be said of neat freaks and slobs. So either piss sitting down or pack your bags.
DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old son, Max, who has just announced that he has a girlfriend. He talks to her on the phone constantly. I have met her, and she's a very nice girl. I had the "sex" talk with Max. I explained about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and how some girls who say they're on the pill really aren't, and that the pill does not protect either partner from STDs. I also gave my son condoms (only two) and explained that it was not permission to have sex. However, I'm afraid he might not listen and do it anyway. If that happens, I want my boy to be protected. I have gotten conflicting opinions from friends about having given Max the condoms. Do you think I did the right thing? -DON'T WANNA BE A GRANDMA (YET) IN MANHATTAN BEACH

DEAR DON'T: First off, if this Max character is telling you he hasn't fucked yet he's either: A) Lying and your "sex talk" is a little late, or B) A loser who doesn't need quality rubbers turning to dust in his wallet while he spanks it like a chimp in the basement bathroom. Either way, at 15 the birds and the bees don't matter. If your kid is even close to being halfway normal, everything you say to him goes in one ear and out the other. Protected, you say? Lady, someone needs to protect him from you.

DEAR ABBY: I have one sister. Our mother is deceased. When our father passes away, he will leave a sizable estate to my sister and me, consisting of two homes and various businesses. Because my sister lives 300 miles away, I will likely be the one taking care of Dad's affairs after his death. This will involve a great deal of time, going through both houses, some cleaning, and too many phone calls to count, etc. Would it be fair to keep track of the time my husband and I devote to this, charge an hourly fee, and deduct it from my sister's share of our father's estate? Let's face it, fair is fair. -DREADING WHAT'S AHEAD

DEAR DREADING: Anyone who wants to attach an hourly stipend for dealing with their parent's death deserves a kick in the clam and jack shit in the way of any type of inheritance. Aren't you dreading your father's death - even a little? Or are you such a greedy whore that you want to bill your sister when you call her to tell her it's time to plant the old timer? If your father is such a smart guy, I'm guessing he has an attorney to deal with all of this shit. And if his estate is so sizeable why are you concerned with pinching pennies? I mean, have you ever thought about a career that consists of something more than waiting around for someone to croak, you materialistic, skank-ass bitch? CV

Comment on this story | Return to top