Winners

Just about every cross-country skier and snowshoe enthusiast has a snowmobile horror story. Rightfully banned from parks and trails within most corporate limits, the buzzing engines and environmental degradation perpetrated by inconsiderate snowmobilers can turn a peaceful winter wonderland into a rowdy, torn-up racetrack. So outdoor enthusiasts were heartened to see that even the Iowa State Snowmobile Association announced last week that it would push for higher fines for those caught breaking the rules. But while upping the laughable $20 penalty for riding off designated trails and pushing financial penalties for habitual offenders as high as $2,000 would be a start, financial slaps on the wrist don't mean much without concerted enforcement. With the Department of Natural Resources issuing fewer than 100 citations in all of 2004, it's fitting to talk about cracking down on violators before touting the often-devastating recreation for its economic potential.

A collective gasp of relief was heard from fat-assed Iowans last week when it was announced that the Krispy Kreme donut shop in Clive would remain on our state's list of critical assets (along with the Field of Dreams movie site in Dyersville, the Boone Railroad Museum, the De Soto National Wildlife Refuge in Harrison County, and the Grotto of the Redemption shrine in West Bend) which is used by police, fire and emergency crews to map out our most susceptible and crowded locations. Iowa's list originally had 11,600 sites that would be allegedly attractive to terrorists, but after some serious head scratching it was cut by about 90 percent. "Our survivability depends on how well we can protect our critical infrastructure," Iowa's homeland security chief said in an interview. Which is why we were so reassured when Snappy Popcorn in Breda made the cut and will be watched over by over-paid rural hayseeds spending millions of dollars on equipment they don't need to fight a battle that will likely never be realized.

Losers

Few would deny that the previous Polk County logo looked like a circle with chicken scratch in the middle. And with the Polk County Board of Supervisors hell bent on ranking development above agriculture at just about every turn, the humble plow has surely become a symbol of the past. So doling out more than $9,000 to a consultant for a new design, the county supervisors decided to bring the logo into the 21st Century. But instead of coming up with a subtle but professional icon, the seal approved last week is more like Polk County's New Groove. With the capitol turrets rising like a fairy tale castle above a cartoonish script set in Astroturf teal, all that's missing is a Smurf-like rendering of the Board of Supervisors. Then again, with local dreams of white-water kayaking and tropical rainforests in the middle of the Corn Belt, maybe this Magic Kingdom imagery is all too fitting.

Despite Iowa being a state that supposedly values education, the state's teacher union was forced to dip into its coffers to wage an ad campaign this week to pressure lawmakers to spend $172 million to actually pay our state's educators more than the jack shit they are currently being given. Iowa teachers currently rank 41st in pay out of how many states, kids? No, not 49. That's just what your antiquated textbooks read. Whether legislators would rather put ankle bracelets on pedophiles or spend the money to make kids smart enough to avoid them remains up in the air. CV

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