1 Upon further review

Conference USA football officials who played Corky to the fast-paced Big 10-SEC football action in last week's Outback Bowl, admitted their team of officials seriously hosed Iowa in its probable comeback victory against Florida.

2 Like the Missouri U-Haul family

We can thank our lucky stars that the mainstream metro media (except Ken Fuson) can finally put to bed the mystery of who won the $113 million Powerball jackpot. Beaverdale "businessman" Hugh Hawkins, who filed for bankruptcy last summer when he had $250 cash in the bank and $85,000 in credit card debt, was the big winner. Now, leave him alone.

3 Miners found! Dead...

According to initial reports, 12 of 13 West Virginia coal miners were found "alive" 41 hours after they had become trapped, but it turned out to be one of the worst-ever case of miscommunication, as the "alive" miners weren't actually breathing when finally pulled from the ground. To make matters worse, a three-hour celebration had been going on when the bad news broke. One bystander said after the good news of the presumed doomed was initially released: "Miracles happen in West Virginia." Just not last Wednesday.

4 Kiss kiss, bang bang

In the second apparent case of teenage vigilante justice in the past year, an 18-year-old Colo woman allegedly walked right up to the front door of Peter Sciarrotta's home in Lambs Grove last week and shot him at point-blank range. Family members say Sciarrotta sexually abusing the girl and the cops never filing charges motivated the shooting.

5 Shock and awe

After months of forecast pandemonium at pharmacies from coast to coast, the Bush Administration's much-hyped Medicare drug plan debuted last week, proving that seniors' headaches in deciphering the mountain of options pales in comparison to the migraines plaguing pharmacists trying to get the elderly the meds they need.

6 Supreme extremist

Despite garnering the American Bar Association's highest commendation - "well qualified" - last week, an 155-page analysis released by the People for the American Way ruled that Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito is, in fact, a far-right ideologue, who has "advocated positions detrimental to civil rights 85 percent of the time" and "would join Justices Scalia and Thomas in a radical, right-wing bloc out of line with the values of mainstream Americans."

7 Keeping the cash

While Capitol conservatives, from House Speaker Dennis Hastert to President Bush, publicly jettisoned all campaign contributions from Jack Abramoff after the ethically challenged lobbyist pleaded guilty to conspiracy and fraud last week, Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley said he'd buck the house-cleaning trend and not return the $1,000 he received from Abramoff in 2003 and the thousands of dollars the crooked lobbyist poured into the Hawkeye PAC.

8 Nutty right-wing talk

Before they could get him into Bellevue, Pat Robertson managed to drop on his self-reported 1 million Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club" viewers this zinger: that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's brain hemorrhaging was the result of God punishing him and that said stroke was "deserved." No official word yet on who exactly is punishing Robertson.

9 Nutty right-wing talk II

President Bush dismissed a report showing weaker-than-expected job growth last week and said, without laughing, "The American economy heads into 2006 with a full head of steam." Bush also said, "In 2005, the American economy turned in a performance that is the envy of the industrialized world" before discussing what Santa Claus had brought him for Christmas and why he thinks the moon is made of cream cheese.

10 Paying the price

According to a report released last week authored by Joseph Stiglitz, Columbia University professor and Nobel Prize winner for economics in 2001, the war in Iraq will likely cost between $1 and $2 trillion - 10 times the Bush administration's previous forecasts. And that, Stiglitz says, is a "very conservative" estimate. CV

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