Baby talk only OK for babies

DEAR ABBY: When is the appropriate time to stop "baby talk" with your children? My son has just turned 3, and I'm starting to get looks from friends whenever I speak to him in an overly sweet way or use pet names. My family has a long history of "baby talk" that still gets used regularly. I always found it annoying, but now I find it difficult to break the habit with my son. Should I be addressing him as if he's a little professor? I think a kid should still be treated like a kid. -JULIE IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR JULIE: Now that it's you, a kid should be a kid, huh? What, do you still breastfeed him too? Look, baby talk is for babies, used to elicit a response from undeveloped individuals who ignore mouth-breathing monotone types like you unless goo-gooed over. If you ever want your child to start acting like a child instead of a baby, and if you want to stop having people think you are retarded, go cold turkey on the baby talk.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is suffering from an Alzheimer's-like dementia, and her personality has changed greatly. Mother has gone from being a conscientious and polite woman - most of my high school friends called her "June Cleaver" - to losing the checks and balances that prevent her from saying whatever comes to mind. Specifically, my mother can be very unpredictable in restaurants. No matter what we say to her, she does not understand that this behavior isn't acceptable. What can we say to people in a situation like this that doesn't denigrate my mother, but will help them understand the situation? -TORN IN FRAMINGHAM, MASS.

DEAR TORN: Either stop taking her out, or, when you do, make the universal sign for "cuckoo" to whoever she's insulted when she looks away.

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away a little over a year ago from cancer. My question concerns how I should refer to my wife in conversation. I don't want to say "my dead wife." It seems a bit insensitive. I was recently on an airplane going back east to visit my former brother- and sister-in-law. During the flight I got into a wonderful conversation with one of the flight attendants. She seemed really interested in me - until I told her the reason for my trip. Then it was like an invisible barrier went down between us. The minute I mentioned my wife had died, the "connection" was over. Can you help me? -DANNY IN PHOENIX

DEAR DANNY: First of all, flight attendants are not only perpetually horny, they are also away from home, and their inhibitions are nonexistent. Couple that with the fact that widowers tend to be puss magnets, and this should have been a lay-up. The old, "My wife died and her sister and brother wanted me to come out and see them and they're worried about me because I haven't been able to move on for so long" would have had her trying to enter your cockpit like al Qaeda. Besides, you can always tell yourself your wife would want it this way.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a tall, thin, blond-haired, blue-eyed bully. She calls other girls at school fat and ugly to the point of bringing them to tears. The mothers complain to the teacher, who calls her father and me. Today her teacher told me that a schoolmate asked my daughter for a piece of candy, and she replied, "You don't need it. You're fat enough already." The kicker, Abby: my daughter is only 5! I don't know where she learns these things. We have always taught our children never to call names or pick on others because they are different. And my daughter comes from a happy, loving family, and I can't figure out how she can be so mean-spirited at such a young age. Her father and I talk and punish, but it does no good. Please help. -MOM TO A MEAN KID

DEAR MOM: Encouraging fat kids to pay attention to their bodies is actually healthy and will hopefully let those ugly little people be on the not-so "Rocky Road" toward finding a glimmer of hope. However, if it still bothers you, think of it this way: when your daughter has withered away from whatever eating disorder that was brought on by obvious poor parenting, all the chubby children will have the last laugh because your kid has finally received her "just desserts."

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy through an online dating service. We talked on the phone and e-mailed each other for a couple of weeks. He said he wanted a picture of me, so I sent him a couple. I didn't hear from him for a few days. Then he sent me an e-mail and a text message. His message read, "U R moving way 2 fast for me." I have tried to e-mail and call him, but he doesn't answer. I stopped calling and sent him a couple more e-mails, but again, nothing. I'm not sure what to do next. I liked talking to him because we both are looking for the same thing in a relationship. I would still like to meet him and straighten things out and see how we get along. Do you think there is a chance we could get together? -LONELY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LONELY: Straighten things out? You sound like a stalker. Slow down. You are smothering him and he is running in the other direction. When he asked for a picture, he didn't want an album. See, guys like to make the first move and they especially like girls who play hard to get. You made the first, second, third and fourth moves and started planning your wedding. Lonely, that sound you hear isn't your hard drive, it's your biological clock. And the alarm obviously woke him up, too. CV

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