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CULTURE AND NIGHTLIFE

Best Martini
Ducktail Lounge

At the Ducktail Lounge, simple and elegant martinis made with the most basic ingredients can be a delight, and when the mood strikes, you can't help enjoying the crisp, clean taste. They say you can never have the same martini twice, as each colorful concoction of Absolut Citron, Cointreau and cranberry juice is a fleeting moment in time held in a Y-shaped glass. But if there is a place where martinis never die, our readers agree it's the Ducktail Lounge. 1809 N.W. 86th St., Clive, 727-5670.

Runners-up: The Lift, Cosmopolitan Lounge

Best Dive
Greenwood Lounge

Dark, dank and mighty quaint. That's our impression of the Greenwood Lounge. We love the old place so much we could spend hours in the bathroom reading the nonsensical graffiti. But we'll pass. Common sense tells us our bathroom buddies might frown on us snooping around while they're taking care of their business. And that's fine by us. We'll just hang loose in a booth, down a High Life and watch the old people dance to John Mellencamp. 3707 Ingersoll Ave.

Runners-up: Locust Tap, Johnny Mac's Bar and Grill

Best Bar
for Sports Fans
Third Base Sports Bar

A good sports bar needs lots of TVs, beer specials and an indoor basketball hoop. Third Base has it all, from the ridiculous number of TVs mounted on the walls to $2 tallboys all Monday night (think "Monday Night Football") and a hoop and some balls. The gi-normous TVs are locked to ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic, Fox Sports Net and every other sports station in the satellite universe. And for you NFL fans, Third Base has NFL Sunday Ticket, so you won't miss a game, whether you love the Cleveland Browns or Seattle Seahawks. 1720 25th St., West Des Moines, 221-2687.

Runners-up: Down Under, Champps Restaurant & Bar

Best Bar for Old Hippies
Greenwood Lounge

We're not sure what makes the Greenwood the Best Bar for Old Hippies. We're not even sure we've seen any hippies in the bar. But if you want to see if the good people at the Greenwood are a bunch of long-haired, patchouli-stinking hippies, we suggest surfing over to www.thegreenwood.org and clicking on pictures. In the meantime, may we share a few enlightened thoughts on tree huggers courtesy of Eric Cartman? "Hippies. They're everywhere. They wanna save the Earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad." Or how about, "I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about 'protecting' the Earth and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets. I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" Feel the love. 3707 Ingersoll Ave.

Runners-up: Yacht Club, Carl's Place

Best Place to Count Mullets
Iowa State Fair

You can count on several things at the Iowa Sate Fair. Six hundred pounds of butter will be molded into a cow; a million people will walk through the turnstiles by the finale; glad-handing politicians will schmooze for your vote; and the mullet kings will captivate and shock the masses with their business-in-the-front, party-in-the-back hairstyle. Sure, it's just a stale 'do, but no haircut has fascinated Americans like the mullet and no place brings out Iowans' mulletude quite like the state fair. Or a monster truck rally. Or a Mštley CrŸe concert. Or, apparently, a lesbian bar. Or a dive bar. Or stock car races. Or ...

Runners-up: Diesel, Gene's Place

Best New Bar
Buddy's Corral

When we hear the name "Buddy's Corral," we think of a good old-fashioned Western-shootout kind of bar. Ones with swinging doors and a rough-and-tumble clientele. Apparently, Buddy's Corral is none of these things. Instead, it's a pretty modern, friendly neighborhood bar in the heart of the East Village. Last we heard, the popcorn was free and owner Buddy Shaw was cookin' up a little something special for the patrons on Saturdays for free. With a wide range of music pumping from a digital jukebox and reasonably priced drink specials, Buddy's Corral doesn't seem to be having any trouble corralling a diverse hodgepodge of patrons. 418 E. Fifth St., 244-7140.

Runners-up: Aura, Tanner's Pub

Best Place to Gamble
Prairie Meadows
Racetrack and Casino

According to Cityview readers, there's no better place to gamble away your retirement savings than Prairie Meadows. And now, with the addition of table games to the casino, it's even easier to blow your wad. Visit the smoke-free poker room on the fourth floor to try your luck at trendy Texas Hold 'Em or check out the blackjack, roulette and craps tables on the casino level. For some lighter action, park your ass on a stool and feed change into one of the many slot machines, or take in a race. Just don't come cryin' to us when you're living in a cardboard box. Remember: 1-800-BETSOFF. 1 Prairie Meadows Drive, Altoona, 967-1000.

Runners-up: Lakeside Casino, Meskwaki Bingo Casino Hotel

Best Theatrical Production
"Mamma Mia!"

Apparently Cityview readers love their ABBA, but we're probably better off leaving that out of the Des Moines' promotional materials. We are, after all, trying to retain our college graduates. "Mamma Mia!" finished a successful run at the Civic Center of Greater Des Moines earlier this year, ending up as one of the Civic Center's top-box-office draws with about 18,000 tickets sold. This was the second time the musical has played the Civic Center stage. But fear not, residents of Des Moines. You're not alone in your love of this musical based on the music of the Swedish band. More productions of "Mamma Mia!" are playing simultaneously around the world than any other musical. That's way more renditions of "Dancing Queen" and "Mamma Mia!" than is ever necessary.

Runners-up: "Chicago," "Rent"

Best Place to Catch a Flick
Fleur Cinema and Cafè

There are many aspects of the Fleur Cinema and Cafè that make it a unique movie-going experience. Take, for instance, the addition of the word "cafè." Not only does the Fleur sell the standard movie fare - popcorn, candy, soft drinks - but it also sells sandwiches, cakes, cookies, gourmet coffees, wine and beer, all of which can be taken into one of its four theaters. Have we mentioned the movies yet? The Fleur brings in all the indie films before they become popular. Remember "Garden State" and "Napoleon Dynamite"? The Fleur had them first. However, the uber-hip theater also occasionally shows some of the most worthy wide releases - and all for an affordable $5-$7. Oh, and don't be jealous that patrons can chat online with babes all day; the Fleur provides a wireless Internet connection. 4545 Fleur Drive, 287-4545.

Runners-up: Wynnsong 16, Century 20, Varsity Theatre

Best Place to Drink Alone
Gene's Place

Now every mornin' just before breakfast
I don't want no coffee or tea
Just me and my good buddy 'Weiser
That's all I ever need
'Cause I drink alone
Yeah, with nobody else
Yeah, ya know when I drink alone
I prefer to be myself
2117 E. University Ave., 266-9423.

Runners-up: Gronau's, Greenwood Lounge, Manning's, The Yacht Club

Best Local Artist
Christine Mullane

A haiku in honor of local artist Christine Mullane, whom we were not able to get a hold of for a response to her award:

Hi Christine Mullane.
ArtDive's voicemail box is full.
No way to reach you.

Runners-up: Cindy Townsend, Bill Hamilton, Gene Hamilton, John Brommel, Sarah Grant

Best Hotel
Suites of 800 Locust

On our meager budgets, we've never had the pleasure of booking a room at the posh Suites of 800 Locust, but we've heard they're really nice. We have, however, been in the lobby courtesy of the Cosmopolitan Lounge. Though the digs in the martini bar are a little too fancy for us, we're sure the hotel and bar hold a special place in our readers' glitterati-fed hearts. The Web site for the hotel and spa touts it as a destination that blends "European elegance with friendly and attentive service to create a world-class hotel." With a fitness center and spa that boasts a tanning bed, a "cardio theater room," sauna, personal trainers and a steam room, and room service courtesy of the Embassy Club, the Suites of 800 Locust just may live up to its self-described reputation. 800 Locust St., 288-5800.

Runners-up: The Cottage Bed and Breakfast, Embassy Suites on the River, Renaissance Savery Hotel

Best Bartender
Chris Pullen at Blazing Saddle

This year's honorary Brian Flanagan (Tom Cruise in "Cocktail" ... duh) award for Best Bartender is Blazing Saddle's Chris Pullen. He may not be slinging glasses and bottles into the air and spouting poetry from the bar top, but hey, we're low maintenance. So long as our glasses are full, we're happy. Pullen's going on his 11th year of bartending, and he's got the ability to talk to just about anyone who enters the bar. "He has a good time with everybody," says Bryan Smith, general manager of the Saddle. "He knows everybody that comes in and he's very welcoming to out-of-towners. He's just got a great aptitude for it." Stop into the Saddle and visit Chris Tuesday through Friday afternoons for Happy Hour from 2 to 8 p.m. 416 E. Fifth St., 246-1299.

Runners-up: Allison Riley (Junction 122 Bar & Grill), Andy (Down Under), Bryan "Stinky" Smith (Blazing Saddle)

Best Gay/lesbian Hangout
Blazing Saddle

For 23 years and counting, Blazing Saddle has catered to Des Moines' gay/lesbian population. Perhaps the Saddle is the favorite because it's open to everyone, or perhaps it's because the neighborhood bar is open seven nights a week, 365 days a year. The dance club portion is open several nights a week, with a DJ spinning Top 40 hits, remixes and dance music. No country allowed. The bar also does its part to give back to the community through its involvement in a lot of community service projects, especially the All Iowa AIDS project. 416 E. Fifth St., 246-1299.

Runners-up: The Garden, Diesel

Best Happy Hour
Blazing Saddle

Oh, Happy Hour. How we blame your tempting ways on many a morning hangover. Your cheap drink specials have helped us temporarily forget our working woes, and have undoubtedly led to some of our more embarrassing moments (can you say public urination?). But when it comes to after-work imbibing, our readers insist there's no better locale than Blazing Saddle, where Happy Hour exists Monday through Friday from 2 to 8 p.m. (and Tuesday all day), with dollar draws and $2.75 well drinks. Monday through Thursday catch the early-bird specials from 2 to 4 p.m., featuring dollar cans of beer and $2 wells. From 2 to 8 p.m. on Friday, patrons can also enjoy $3 martinis. Just don't say we didn't warn you of the morning-after consequences. 416 E. Fifth St., 246-1299.

Runners-up: Down Under, Mondo's of West Des Moines, TGI Friday's

Best Local Band
3 AM Band

Memo to the fan(s) of the 3 AM Band: Next time you want to stuff the ballot box in our "Best Of" poll, have more than one person "fill out" the ballots and ask them to use different colors of ink. We expect this kind of thing to happen, but at least have the courtesy to make us think you're trying to fool us. Let's hope your music is more imaginative than your little stunt.

Runners-up: River City Rockets, The Nadas

Best Margarita
El Patio Mexican Restaurant

You just can't top perfection. For another year, our readers voted El Patio's margaritas as the best in Des Moines. In turn, in the spirit of consistency (and deadline), we're compelled to once again share with you a haiku that best sums up our feelings about them:
Mmmm, Margarita
At El Patio: bueno.
What happened last night?
611 37th St., 274-2303.

Runners-up: El Rodeo Mexican Restaurant, Raul's Mexican Food

Best Live Music Venue
Blues on Grand

Blues, like other genres of music, is best experienced live in a small setting where the performer and audience can feed off one another. For many, that place in Des Moines is Blues on Grand, a repeat winner of "Best Live Music Venue." Each month manager Jeff Wagner books a host of rising stars and legends of the blues, who take the stage and easy our worried minds. But there's more to Blues on Grand than just good music. You can't get through the front door without a hug from Lynette Webster or Serena James and there's no better doorman in town than Dana Gowin. Once you're inside, it's easy to get a drink from the friendly waitresses and bartenders, and you don't have to contend with noisy televisions or video games. It's all about the music. Case in point, Tommy Castro's sold-out show last week where solos drew standing ovations, people danced and the band played beyond its contracted time. That's the power of live music. How Grand. 1501 Grand Ave., 244-3092.

Runners-up: Keyster's, The House of Bricks

Best Place for a Game of Pool
Stix

Pool sharks and weekend "bangers" agree Stix is the place where the best 8-ball and 9-ball action goes down. In "The Color of Money," Fast Eddie Felson said, "Money won is twice as sweet as money earned." But beware of guys donning black shorts with the name "Vince" emblazoned on the front. 7211 University Ave., Windsor Heights, 274-0129.

Runners-up: Down Under, Raccoon River Brewing Co.

Best Place to Take Your Kids
Blank Park Zoo

Open year round, Blank Park Zoo is a place where children will be entertained and parents won't get bored (for the most part). The zoological park includes a new Great Cats exhibit, Blank Park Discovery Center, the African Boardwalk and Australian Walkabout. 7401 S.W. Ninth St., 285-4722.

Runners-up: Science Center of Iowa, Chuck E. Cheese

Best Downtown Hangout
The Royal Mile

Is it any wonder that the Cityview readers' pick for the Best Downtown Hangout is a bar? And a British one, at that? With about 30 beers on tap and roughly 150 more in bottles, it's hard to disagree that The Royal Mile has become one of the hippest destinations in Des Moines. And it's no secret among the residents, either. Don't visit this place on the weekends if you're claustrophobic. Perhaps it's safer to venture there during lunch or dinner, when the Mile is serving up authentic British grub like bangers and mash or fish and chips. Oh, and don't forget to say hi to Chief, last year's winner in the Best Bartender category. 210 Fourth St., 280-3771.

Runners-up: Java Joes, Court Avenue Brewing Co.

SHOPPING

Best Art Gallery
ArtHouse

ArtHouse attracts experienced collectors and first-time buyers alike, thanks to its colorful, inviting space and affordable works of art created by local and national artists. There you'll find works of art spanning a multitude of media, including painting, sculpture, photography, ceramics, printmaking, textiles and jewelry. ArtHouse also presents a featured show in its gallery once a month, highlighting an artist or theme. Like its motto says - "Intriguing, not intimidating." 2809 Ingersoll Ave., 243-6601; 1551 35th St., West Des Moines, 222-5665.

Runners-up: Sticks Gallery, Absolute Art

Best New Store
Dillard's

With a new sportswear collection by none other than award-winning singer, actress and Broadway star Reba McEntire, how couldn't Dillard's be anything but the Best New Store? The clothes aren't out yet? Damn. We guess you can't always get what you want, just what you need. And we need some Miami Glow by J. Lo. We're told the perfume is "a sunrise of cool passion fruit, water and black currant that crests into the simmering high-noon brilliance of orange flower and heliotrope and sets with a sultry simmer of sheer amber, vanilla orchid and crystal musk." Yeah, right. We don't need it? OK, you got us. We wanted it. Damn. But you can still shop at Dillard's for all of your hot spring fashions. What? It's just another department store in Dillard's 300-store chain? Nothing creative or special about it? Oh. Sigh. 101 Jordan Creek Parkway, West Des Moines, 440-2277.

Runners-up: Pottery Barn, Colores by Nita, Williams-Sonoma

Best Store for Gamers
Gamers

"Violence is definitely in," says Mike Casner, assistant manager of the South Side Gamers. He's right. Just look at the hot-selling games: "Halo 2," "Devil May Cry 3," "Tekken 5," "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" and "Mercenaries." Yeah, kill 'em all. But that's the way it's always been with video games - the bloodier the better. But as gamers grow older, they're also a bit sentimental and want to play the games they grew up with, which means the older games and systems are coming back with a vengeance, according to Casner. And luckily for gamers, uh, Gamers stocks systems and games all the way back to the original Atari. Pac-Man fever. Yeah, we got it. 2900 University Ave., West Des Moines, 226-0825; 3021 S.E. 14th St., 256-1503.

Runners-up: Best Buy, GameStop

Best Auto Detailing
Bear's Elite Detail Inc.

Before your car leaves the lot, owner Byron Williams will personally give your car a once-over to make sure everything is as right as possible. "We clean, clean, clean," says Williams, who has owned Bear's for three years, although the detailing shop has been open for eight. "Buff, shampoo and make 'em look as good as new." Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. It's hard work to make your car look as if it's fresh off the lot, especially when Bear's cleans between 50 and 60 vehicles a week. And it's the personal touch that makes Bear's the best. 1428 E. Fleming Ave., 280-3926.

Runners-up: Betts Auto Campus, Dynamic Auto Detailing

Best Antique Store
Brass Armadillo Antique Mall

OK, we can admit we know an effective piece of advertising when we hear one. Case in point: the Brass Armadillo's jingle. The only thing more insufferably catchy must be "Rattle, rattle, thunder, clatter, boom, boom, don't worry, call the Car-X man." Yeah, you see where we're going with this one, "Everybody's talkin', talkin' about the Brass Armadillo." Stuck in our heads for the past decade, at least. Still, no one's said a word about the place to us, but we figure it has to be busy, considering that more than 450 dealers pack the Armadillo, selling everything from antique chairs to He-Man dolls, and skip eBay, which would only reach, oh, the entire world. But hey, we like our little slice of Iowa, and the Armadillo is just that, a piece of the fabric of Iowa. A good old-fashioned antique mall, which is as American as Apple Jacks and Tater Tots. Or something like that. 701 N.E. 50th Ave., 282-0082.

Runners-up: Majestic Lion, Collectamania

Best Porn Shop
Bachelor's Library (now Romantix)

Need a good buzz? Looking for a place to perfect your "O-face"? Well, you really should grab a room, be it a one-man mission or a tango for two. Just make sure you've locked the door - mom busting in is such a mood killer. Unless you're kinky like that, please, keep it to yourself. Before you get your swerve or stroke on, swing by the Bachelor's Library for something visually stimulating or manually magnifying. The porn peddlers at the Library got your instant pleasure, whatever your heart desires, be it an inflatable mate, naughty movie or vibrating friend. Careful, you don't go blind. 2020 E. Euclid Ave., 266-7992.

Runners-up: Gallery, Romantix Adult Emporium

Best Body Piercing and Tattoo
Skin Kitchen Tattoo

When the members of Slipknot need some ink, they go to Jack Lowe, co-owner of Skin Kitchen. Need proof? Slide over to www.skinkitchen.com/slipknot.htm and scroll down to see pics of the freshly inked skin of Sid Wilson, James Root, Paul Gray and Shawn "Clown" Crahan. Lowe and co-owner Matt Schager also were part of a three-hour, six-man session on Clown's leg following a 'Knot show. But you don't have to be a famous rocker to get some work done by Lowe, Schager or any of the other talented tattoo artists at Skin Kitchen. Just drop in and give them a good idea of what you're looking for, whether it's that Megadeth album cover you've always wanted on your calf or a tribal symbol for the small of your back, and the Skin Kitchen crew will leave you with a lasting impression. 2607 Douglas Ave., Suite C, 255-4430.

Runners-up: Union Station West Tattoo and Body Piercing, Sacred Skin and Hair

Best Strip Club
The Lumber Yard

You dirty boys - and girls - whether you need a little personal attention or a shower, The Lumber Yard has everything for your flesh-loving urges. Yes, the only place where bachelors can get stripped and whipped on a shower stage is at The Lumber Yard. The lovely ladies will disrobe for you, and they'll also drag your girlfriend or future ex-wife onstage to feel 'em up and give her a tongue lashing. Maybe you should just stick with the boys. As for The Lumber Yard's stable of dancers, you have your Jades, Destinys and Peaches. Our personal favorite: the red-headed Isis, who tests the laws of gravity while shimming up and sliding down a golden pole. 1504 N.E. 54th Ave., 265-1019.

Runners-up: Minx Show Palace, Big Earl's Goldmine

Best Local Store
Von Maur

Perhaps we should have clarified ourselves better. When we said "Best Local Store," we meant "Best Locally Owned Store." We have only ourselves to blame, seeing as how you voted Von Maur Best Local Store last year, too, and that prompted no change on our part. So unless you consider Davenport to be local (we don't), this answer doesn't quite make sense and neither do the runners-up, Wal-Mart and Younkers. But you voted Von Maur the best, so we'll give you Von Maur. The department store, located in Valley West Mall, is, quite frankly, just another department store. However, you've got to love a place that nixes Muzak in favor of a lone piano player regaling customers with instrumental versions of deplorable past hits such as Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." 1551 Valley West Drive, 233-1311.

Runners-up: Wal-Mart, Younkers

Best Mechanic
Don's East Grand Service

Don Roberts gets to his shop between 6 and 6:30 a.m. every day. Doesn't fail. Neither does the stream of customers coming in. He chalks up his Best Mechanic award to his shop's longevity; it's been on East Grand Avenue for more than 40 years. Yeah, we'd guess that's time enough to build a customer base, and there are many who have been coming to Don's for gas, a car wash and everything under the hood since day one. So after so many years, how does it feel to be the Best of Des Moines? "We appreciate that," Roberts says. We thought so. 201 E. Grand Ave., 243-3764.

Runners-up: Little Dave, Bill Wood at Woody's, Drake Garage

Best Hardware Store
True Value Hardware

Hey, tool man. Got a loose screw? Better head over to True Value to get something to tighten it up. True Value has all your needs, whether it's a plunger, a shovel or some power tools. We recommend a screwdriver for the screw, though. And if you were wondering what this month's bargains are, look no further: $1.77 Miracle-Gro (for plants, not your bald spot; there will be no miracles for that, baldy), $4.88 Windex (for shining your bald spot?) and $6.77 Hefty trash bags. And if you can't find what you're looking for, just remember, help is just around the corner. 63rd Street and Grand Avenue, West Des Moines, 279-1648
Runners-up: Miller's Ace Hardware Inc., Lowe's Home Improvement Warehouse

Best Thrift Store
Salvation Army

In the market for used skivvies? The Salvation Army will be at your rescue. The thrift store accepts used clothing and household items to be refurbished and resold by those in need. This is where polyester suits go to die and hideously ugly furniture is given a new life. It's also perhaps the only place where Hyper Color shirts and New Kids on the Block memorabilia are considered good finds. The sale of the items in the thrift stores provides the main support for the Salvation Army's Adult Rehabilitation Centers, spirituality-based havens for those who need help pulling their lives together, so part ways with those parachute pants already. They're never coming back in style. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Goodwill Industries of Central Iowa, DAV Thrift Store

Best Spa
Sahar's Salon and Day Spa

Just thinking about Brazilian and bikini waxes makes us shudder in disgust and pain. We pity the fools who have complete strangers groom their nether regions for the sake of vanity. But for a little over five years, the employees at Sahar's have been selflessly beautifying Des Moines through its full-service salon and spa. In addition to these waxing services, the West Des Moines business provides detoxifying body wraps, massages, permanent makeup, microdermabration and makeup service. But perhaps the most popular service is the half-day excursion, which includes a one-hour massage, European facial, lunch, manicure and pedicure. 4100 Westown Parkway, West Des Moines, 225-7559.

Runners-up: Estilo Salon & Day Spa, Roslin's Salon & Day Spa

Best Wine Store for Beginners
The Wine Experience

"We're the hardest-working wine store in Des Moines," says Kyl Cabbage, president of The Wine Experience. And he's not kidding. Three nights a week, the store conducts wine education classes, and every Friday and Saturday night the store hosts a four-course meal that appropriately matches wines with foods. And there isn't a day The Wine Experience doesn't have 30 wines open in the store for customers to sample. "We work with people on a one-on-one basis to recommend the right wines, and we do it in ways that make it comfortable and have it make sense," Cabbage says. "It's a hands-on approach to the wine business, and we have a great time doing it." Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Ingersoll Wine & Spirits, JT's Wine & Spirits

Best Shopping District
East Village

Thanks, dear readers, for not forcing us to write yet another blurb about the overblown Jordan Creek Town Center. We'll even forgive you for voting it a runner-up. Sometimes, though it may be rare, you guys get it right the first time. The East Village is
home to some of the city's most eclectic and unusual shops, restaurants, art galleries and bars, and is fast becoming a haven for the city's "creative class." One of the best aspects of the area is that all of the businesses are local, ensuring that their patrons support the local economy rather than fatten some corporate slob's wallet. We've spent many of our hard-earned dollars at Zzz Records and Noodle Zoo, and when the House of Bricks makes its move to the East Village next month, you can bet we'll be forking over even more of it. We suggest you do the same.

Runners-up: Jordan Creek Town Center, Valley Junction

Best Nursery/Greenhouse
Earl May Seed & Nursery

Let's observe a moment of silence for the late Earl May, whose lawn and garden centers have been identifying problems and providing solutions to its customers since the company was founded in Shenandoah in 1919. Today, it operates 52 garden centers in Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas and Missouri, providing plants, gardening and pet supplies to the masses. Despite May's death in 1946, the company has stayed in the family, now run by his granddaughter Betty Jane Shaw, and has become one of the 10 best garden centers in the nation. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Goode's, Boeson The Florist

Best Pet Store
Petco

Petco is the animal equivalent of Wal-Mart. People can get their eyes checked, groceries bought, photography snapped and developed and just about everything else - save a lap dance - under the same roof at Wal-Mart. At Petco, animals and their owners can purchase a wide selection of pet-related products and services, including grooming, photography and obedience training. Both businesses also pride themselves in affordability. With more than 720 stores in 47 states and the District of Columbia, Petco has a stranglehold on the pet-related product market, making it a leading specialty retailer of premium pet food, supplies and services. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Petsmart, Aqualand Pets Plus

Best Place to Buy Your Granola and Sprouts
Campbell's Nutrition

Those who want to avoid their first coronary say Campbell's Nutrition is the place for all their healthy eats. Now, to us, food is fast, vegetables are fries and fruit is foreign, but Campbell's even entices a B-Bop's burger lovin' crew. The store isn't new, having offered vitamins, body-care products, herbs and more for more than 60 years. And if you don't know what you're doing, like, say, us, the knowledgeable staff will guide you. So put down the BLT. You can do it. Trust us. Head over to Campbell's, and try to deflate that spare tire. 4040 University Ave., 277-6351.

Runners-up: New City Market, General Nutrition Center

Best Hair Salon/Barber
Rick Mosley Hair

Westward ho! Rick Mosley Hair was an upscale salon and spa for 13 years in Valley Junction. Now, it's an upscale salon and spa in Clive. After an analysis revealed that most of their customers lived in the western suburbs, owners Rick and Stacie Mosley decided to move their business closer to them in 2003. 12851 University Ave., Clive, 279-4075.

Runners-up: Tivoli Salon, Over Our Heads

Best Bridal Shop
Schaffer's

They say fools rush in. But those rushing into Schaffer's are no fools. They know that the employees are bridal fashion gurus. They also know it's much more than a place full of wedding dresses and tuxedos. Schaffer's also does alterations, and can provide accessories, cigars and wine as well. The East Village-based store is also cornering the market on prom dresses through the 504 Store, an ultramodern-looking haven for all special-occasion-related items, including shoes and purses in almost every imaginable color. Who says nothing matches puce? 601 E. Locust St., 288-0356.

Runners-up: David's Bridal, Weddings by Design

Best Music Store
Peeples Music

For generations of discerning music fans Peeples Music has been THE place to find a mix of competitively priced popular and obscure titles, both new and used. They've outpaced local competitors and weathered the onslaught of music downloading and big-box stores. But for many, Peeples is more than an independent record store. It's a safe haven where music junkies can discuss tunes with like-minded fans and a knowledgeable staff. We like how we don't have the option to buy diapers, books or big-screen televisions there. Fight the power. 4201 University Ave., 255-5839.

Runners-up: Zzz Records, Best Buy

Best Place to Rent A Movie
Blockbuster Video

From "Apocalypse Now" to "Zelig," you'll find thousands of titles on DVD and VHS at Blockbuster. The video store chain has locations throughout Greater Des Moines, making it easy to swing by and pick up a movie for the evening. And since Blockbuster announced it is dropping its late fees, we suspect a lot more of you will be spending your time and money there. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Hollywood Video, Family Video

Best Bookstore
Barnes and Noble Booksellers

It's no trouble at all to spend an hour or two wandering the 35,000 square feet at Barnes and Noble Booksellers, perusing the thousands of titles it offers. It's a labor of love actually. In addition to offering a multitude of books, we like the store's magazine selection (but what happened to Dirty Linen?). Plus, there's a coffeehouse on site with Starbucks products. 4550 University Ave., West Des Moines, 221-9171.

Runners-up: Borders Books Music Movie & Cafe, Half-Price Books Records Magazines

Best Used Bookstore
Half-Price Books & Records, Magazines

Though the price is right at Half Price Books Records Magazines on selections by major authors like Walt Whitman, James Baldwin and Ernest Hemingway, those in search of hard-to-find and out-of-print titles also flock there. Half-Price even sells reasonably priced used CDs and vinyl albums. But for most of us, it's about the books: those stacks and stacks of cheap books that line our shelves at home. Someday, we hope to get the time to read them. 8801 University Ave., Clive, 224-4429.

Runners-up: Lawson's Books, Far From the Maddening Crowd

Best Bike Shop
Bike World

Though you're more likely to run into Lance Armstrong wannabes than Napoleon Dynamite-like riders who rack their bodies jumping homemade ramps, Bike World caters to cyclists of all skills. Serious cyclists are picky about their equipment, which is why they shop Bike World for the best in bikes, parts, accessories and clothing. Bike World's professional staff even customizes rides and offers free estimates for the repair work they do. Queen said it best - "Bi-cycle, bi-cycle, bi-cycle." Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Barr Bike & Fitness, Rasmussen Bicycle Shop

Best Car Dealer
Betts Auto Campus

We're not sure what criteria is used to vote for this category (fewest lemons, fewest cheesy salespeople?), but we've known for years that Betts is the place discerning automobile shoppers go to when they're in search of the finest domestic and imported cars. At Betts, you'll find a plethora of high-performance rides sharing the same lot, including the Volvo XC90 V8, Jaguar X-Type, Cadillac STS, Hummer H2 and Lexus RX330. Betts also houses a quality service department and detailing center - everything you need to pimp your ride. 2121 N.W. 100th St., Clive, 253-9600.

Runners-up: Bob Brown Chevrolet, Holmes Automotive Group

SPORTS AND RECREATION

Best Place to Practice Your Breast Stroke
YMCA of Greater Des Moines

All right already. We get it. Your bedroom, The Lumber Yard and the back seat of your car really are the Best Places to Practice Your Breast Stroke. And you know what? You're the first person in Central Iowa to ever make that joke. Seriously. No one else ever thought of it. Now get your horny butt down to the Y and take a nice dip in the pool. You need to cool off a bit, perv. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Prairie Life Health & Fitness, Ashworth Pool

Best Local Athlete
Thomas Boltnar,
Des Moines Menace

While a soccer player may not be the first thing to pop to mind when someone mentions the Best Local Athlete, Des Moines Menace forward Thomas Boltnar has the credentials to stake a claim to the title. The Czech-born Boltnar has dominated the Premier Development League, winning two most valuable player awards (2002 and 2003) and is the Menace's most consistent offensive threat. If the Menace are smart, they'll add a few extra PowerAdes and orange slices to keep Boltnar in the fold for a couple more seasons.

Runners-up: Cael Sanderson, Tyler Blum (Walnut High School eight-man football)

Best Local Coach
Dr. Tom Davis

Is this a vote for Tom Davis or against Steve Alford? Hard to tell. The good doctor has breathed life into the Drake Bulldogs' basketball program, but so far the results have been mixed, following up last year's sixth-place finish with a seventh-place showing this year. Still, the Bulldogs were in almost every game, and as Davis continues to recruit players that fit his pressing system, they should continue to improve. And let's face it, Dr. Tom is just too dang cuddly not to like.

Runners-up: Kirk Ferentz, Gary Swenson

Best Place to Play Golf
Waveland Gold Course

Waveland Golf Course once again took on all comers and came out on top. The oldest municipal golf course west of the Mississippi River, Waveland has been a Des Moines landmark for more than 100 years. But what is it that sets The Wave apart from the swanky private clubs and upscale public courses as the best place to play golf? Is it the convenient location? Hilly, tree-lined fairways? The challenging layout? I vote price. At only $28 for a weekend round (walking), it is one of the best values around. Call for tee times. 4908 University Ave., 271-8725.

Runners-up: Des Moines Golf and Country Club, The Legacy Golf Club, Wakonda Club

Best Place to Work Out
YMCA of Greater Des Moines

It's fun to stay at the YMCA ... (all right, that was almost too easy). Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Aspen Athletic Club, Prairie Life Health & Fitness

Best Outdoor Sporting Event
Iowa Cubs

Though the Chicago Cubs are America's lovable losers, their Triple-A affiliate in Des Moines is number one in Central Iowans' hearts. Around a half million fans flock to the ballpark formerly known as Sec Taylor Stadium each year to see the future stars in the Cubs chain, soak in some sun and knock back a few cold ones. If you're lucky, you might catch a hot dog out of the giant wiener gun or see the team's principal owner roaming the stands, looking snappy as always in his little bow tie. Because really, what says baseball in Des Moines more than a bow tie?

Runners-up: Iowa-Iowa State football game, Drake Relays

Best Place to Go for a Run
Gray's Lake

Judging by the last two Best of Des Moines polls, the renovation of Gray's Lake could be the best thing to happen to Des Moines, period. The two-mile concrete path that runs over and around Gray's Lake has turned a onetime eyesore into a gathering spot for young and old alike. With the Principal Riverwalk set to connect the area to downtown, the best may be yet to come.

Runners-up: Saylorville Lake (Neal Smith Trail), Urbandale bike trails

Best Bike Trail
Saylorville Lake

The Saylorville Lake bike trail, aka the Neal Smith Bike Trail, runs 26 miles from Birdland Park in Des Moines to Big Creek State Park. That's a lot of pedaling on the old Huffy. Good thing the banana seat is so comfy.

Runners-up: Gray's Lake, Greenbelt Park

Best Place for a Game of Pickup Basketball
YMCA of Greater Des Moines

Though the talent level might not rival the NBA, or even the WNBA, you can work up a good sweat on the courts at the YMCA. So strap on your Rec-Specs and Stinson-esque headband and show those young punks that even slightly lumpy old-timers with bad knees and no jump shot got game. And if worst comes to worst, you've got 5 fouls to give. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Aspen Athletic Club, Evelyn Davis Park, Prairie Life Health & Fitness

Best Softball/Baseball Diamond
Principal Park

The newly anointed Principal Park, home of the Iowa Cubs, hasn't always been the beauty it is now. In its former life as Sec Taylor Stadium, the park had fallen into disrepair.
All that changed in 1992 when renovations changed it from a strikeout to a home run. With views of the Capitol dome, downtown and the Des Moines and Raccoon rivers, Principal Park is arguably one of the finest stadiums in the minor leagues and even gives some major league venues (see the Metrodome) a run for their money. One Line Drive, 243-6111.

Runners-up: Raccoon River Park, Walker Johnson Park

Best Running Event
Dam to Dam

Run, Forrest, run.

Runners-up: Drake Relays, Des Moines Marathon

Best Miniature Golf Course
West Grand Golf

No cheesy windmills here. But what do you expect when you're only a driver and a wedge from Glen Oaks Country Club? This challenging 18-hole layout features streams, waterfalls and even a practice green. Heck, they even have rough and white carpet for sand traps. 6450 Raccoon River Drive, 225-7076.

Runners-up: Blue Gills, North 40 Miniature Golf

Best Indoor Sporting Event
Des Moines
Buccaneers hockey

One of the few things that can lure Central Iowans out of the house in the winter, the Des Moines Buccaneers retain their best of title again this year. We'll see what happens next year with the arrival of the Iowa Stars and the new Wells Fargo Arena. 7201 Hickman Road, 278-9757.

Runners-up: Skywalk Open Golf Tournament, Drake basketball

EATS

Best Micro Brew
Court Avenue Brewing Co.

For years, beer connoisseurs (whatever that means) have been pouring themselves into Court Avenue Brewing Co. to enjoy ales brewed on-site with customized equipment to guarantee the freshest-tasting beer around. They sit at the bar and order fancy brews with names like Robbie's Rye, Topping Ale and James Polk Porter. Discussions range from the finer points of microbrewed beer to the latest Dave Matthews Band album. 309 Court Ave., 282-2739.

Runners-up: Raccoon River Brewing Co., Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery

Best Local Restaurant
Centro

Great food makes a dining experience. Duh. But atmosphere definitely doesn't hurt, and nothing beats Centro at night. The lights, dim. The wine, fine. The atmosphere, electric. And hopefully, the company is cozy. If not, that's what the wine is for. Centro is no secret to local diners. The Italian urban bistro in the revamped Temple for Performing Arts has been a true downtown treat. From New York-style pizzas baked in two coal-burning brick ovens to scrumptious sandwiches to perfect pastas, Centro's menu is a hard decision in and of itself. God bless you, "young Italian restaurateur" George Formaro and "attorney turned real estate magnate" Harry Bookey. 1007 Locust St., 248-1780

Runners-up: El Patio Mexican Restaurant, Latin King Restaurant

Best Place for Chow After 2 a.m.
Perkins

Frustration fills us every time we shut down a bar only to find closed drive-thrus and dimly lit restaurants. We need something to soak up all of those Jèger bombs exploding in our bellies, and with so few late-night, er, early-morning dining options, it's either journey to Ingersoll or navigate to one of the many Perkins strategically located throughout the city. Depends on our 20. Of course, finding a Perkins is much easier than the runners-up, although you can be sure we'd prefer a slice of pizza or Pat's breakfast in the twilight hours. But Perkins is the winner and if you can get a table, maybe beat the god-awful post-closing time crush, and maybe tolerate secondhand smoke in the smoking section, few places beat Perkins for fast post-beer-drinking grub. If only we'd brought our Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Big Tomato Pizza Co., Pat's Corner Cafè

Best Dessert
Cheesecake Factory

Save room for dessert! Though the Cheesecake Factory's main-course portion sizes are bigger than Pamela Anderson's bust, perhaps the real treat is the restaurant's 50 dessert items. The cheesecake options range in flavor from raspberry truffle to Godiva chocolate to Oreo, while carrot cake, warm apple crisp and tiramisu are tempting alternatives. 101 Jordan Creek Parkway, West Des Moines, 457-9888.

Runners-up: Mondo's of West Des Moines, El Patio Mexican Restaurant

Best Wine Selection/Restaurant
Sage

Choices, choices, so many choices. Sage probably isn't the place for the indecisive wine drinker. With more than 300 bottles of wine in its cellar, Sage has plenty of reds and whites to choose from. But owner Andrew Meek doesn't want to keep them around for long. He aggressively prices his wines to keep the corks popping and the wine flowing. In the winter, Meek says people like bigger, heartier reds because they tend to warm you up more. And it complements the richer comfort food Sage serves in the colder months. And don't think that "Sideways" hasn't influenced a few people's wine selections. Sage has been "blowing through pinot noir," a lighter red that was featured in the film. Meek also realizes not everyone likes to commit to a full bottle of wine. So Sage offers half bottles, which are what the name implies. So instead of locking yourself into five glasses of a wine, you can order a half bottle and mix it up. And if you'd just like a glass, Sage has 27 offerings by the glass. And the glasses are a treat unto themselves. All of the wine at Sage is poured in German crystal glassware, which is constructed just for the experience. Waiter, wine list, please. 6587 University Ave., Windsor Heights, 255-7722.

Runners-up: 801 Steak and Chop House, Mosaix

Best Seafood
Waterfront Seafood Market

For 19 years in a row, Waterfront Seafood Market has been Cityview readers' choice for their seafood. Owner Ted Hanke hands it to his fish buyers, who are buying the fish fresh off the boat and then shipping it via commercial airline to Des Moines. Once it reaches the airport, they stick it in Waterfront's cooler, there, and then the good people over at Waterfront pick it up and cut, so you, fish lover, you get the freshest fish in the city. "It's just a matter of hours old," Hanke says. "I don't think you can get it any fresher from anyone else." 2900 University Ave., West Des Moines, 223-5106.

Runners-up: Splash Seafood Bar & Grill, Red Lobster

Best Pizza
The Tavern Pizza & Pasta

How dare we omit Best Pizza from the Best Of Des Moines awards? Bad Cityview. Bad Cityview. Yeah, we forgot last year, so we're trying to make amends by remembering this year. Aren't we swell? Oh, the winner. Cityview readers can't get enough of The Tavern's pie, and it must be true because our moms couldn't agree more. The Tavern's been serving up the city's best pizza since 1933. Well, at least at the Valley Junction location. This family restaurant with pizzas, soups and grinders is open seven days a week and apparently earned a four-and-a-half-star rating from someone called the Grumpy Gourmet. Sweet. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Big Tomato Pizza Co., Noah's Ark Ristorante & Fireside Lounge

Best Lunch Spot
Palmer's Deli & Market

Don't let the long lines deter you from popping into Palmer's. Most days, the wait is only a few minutes, if that, and if you're skipping the deli sandwiches in favor of salad or soup, you're in like Flynn. Or something like that. Bonus points to Palmer's for being a great people-watching spot, although it is a little weird to have everyone in the skywalk gawking at you while you eat in the front window. No worries. If it means dining in the same place as media glitterati (Ken Fuson! John Carlson! All our favorites!) or local politicians (Matt McCoy!), count us in. May we suggest a bowl of chili? A word of caution, though: Not all Palmer's chili is created equal. The downtown chili is our favorite. Westown Parkway comes in second. Ingersoll just can't touch 'em. And don't forget the brownie. You've gotta get the brownie. It's an irresistible impulse buy, strategically placed right before the cash register. And we're suckers for it every time. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Noodle Zoo, Manhattan Deli, Panera Bread Bakery Cafè, Skip's

Best Hamburger
B-Bop's

Some would say a cheeseburger is just a cheeseburger, right? Wrong. We do enjoy a good burger, and there are plenty around the city, such as those at the Drake Diner, Bob's Sports Bar and Court Avenue Brewing Co. But for our burger-lovin' bellies, only the double drive-thru will do. B-Bop's is our official artery clogger. These burgers leave Des Moines expatriates craving 'em. Veterans of the '50s-style fast-food spot know a skimpy single won't due. We're talking the big-daddy doubles - two slabs of meat, melted cheese and whatever fixins you want to top it off. They go down easy, ending any hunger pangs - although you can feel your heartbeat slow just a little with every bite. No worries. That's what defibrillators are for. And for the uninitiated, this is B-Bop's 15th first-place finish - in a row - making this category one of the most predictable, but we couldn't agree more with our readers. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Drake Diner, Culver's

Best Breakfast
Waveland Cafè

Seven years in a row, the Waveland has been voted the best place for the most important meal of the day. Why? Hash browns. The eatery serves up two tons of the browned potatoes every month. Every month? Good Lord, that's a lot of spuds. Early birds aren't the only ones who can scarf down the Waveland's belly-busting breakfasts. The full Waveland menu is available Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m., so no matter the time, you can still get yourself a plate of hash browns. Wake-y, wake-y, eggs and bakey. 4708 University Ave., 279-4341.

Runners-up: Perkins, Drake Diner

Best-Kept Secret on the Local Restaurant Scene
Olympic Flame Restaurant

This little Greek-American restaurant may be tucked away in an East Village storefront, but after 18 years, how can it be a secret? Well, Olympic Flame doesn't advertise, so you can bet that's one reason. Instead, they rely on word of mouth to lure new customers because, hey, the food is going to bring anyone who's been through the door back. If you go, you gotta have the lamb chops or a gyro. But Olympic Flame is famous for one dish, Saganaki. The cook will come out and light it on fire right in front of you. Now that's service. And if you need a show, check out the belly dancers every Friday night from 7 to 8. 514 E. Grand Ave., 243-4361.

Runners-up: El Patio Mexican Restaurant, Baby Boomers

Best Wait Staff
Down Under

We must admit, the night we visited Down Under to test this so-called Best Wait Staff, we waited ... and waited ... and waited - first for a mere menu, and then to get our order taken. We're not calling foul play on the part of our voters. All we're saying is, this seems a little suspicious to us. But if you, wary reader, say they're the best, then we'll believe you and chalk our visit up to an anomaly. As to why his employees were named the Best Wait Staff in Des Moines, owner Alex Banasik points to their experience. At Down Under, two people have surpassed a 10-year tenure behind the bar and most of the floor staff has exceeded five. With that kind of longevity, patrons see familiar faces every time they enter the bar. "They're trained, they're pretty and they do their job," Banasik says. "They treat customers like they're special." 8350 Hickman Road, Clive, 278-6718.

Runners-up: Latin King, El Patio Mexican, Junction 122 Bar & Grill

Best Appetizers
Down Under

There's nothing better than a heaping pile of nachos, smothered in meat (beef or chicken), peppers, olives, onions and cheese sauce. The patrons of Down Under know this, as the popular appetizer has become something of a signature item at the neighborhood bar. Apparently Cityview readers know this, too. Perhaps the most popular appetizer on the menu, though, is the chicken strips. Neither option sound appealing? Try the wings, hot pepper cheese bread or hot pretzel. May we suggest the cheese nuggets? 8350 Hickman Road, Clive, 278-6718.

Runners-up: TGI Friday's, Granite City Food & Brewery, Mondo's of West Des Moines

Best Coffeehouse
Java Joes

Java Joes has provided a caffeinated jump-start for countless downtown workers. Coffee is roasted daily at the downtown hotspot, and cappuccino, cafŽ latte, cafŽ mocha and espresso are also available. But Java Joes is much more than a coffeehouse. It also sells beer and wine, and has a food menu that includes sandwiches, Indian dishes, desserts and a host of vegetarian options. Most Friday and Saturday nights, live music entertains the patrons of this smoke-free coffeehouse. A couple of computers hooked to the Internet are available for use, or you can bring your own and use the free wireless connection. Don't forget Java Joes' game room off the main service area, where you can foster your competitive spirit. 214 Fourth St., 288-5282.

Runners-up: Starbucks, Grounds for Celebration

Best Bread
Panera Bread Bakery Cafè

We're still not sure how this award sneaked past us and made it onto the ballot. And we're still not sure what, exactly, there is to say about bread. It can be crispy, crusty, crunchy, doughy, chewy ... OK, enough. Panera Bread Bakery Cafe bakes its bread fresh every day using only the finest ingredients and absolutely no preservatives. How this differentiates its bread from your standard Iron Kids balloon loaf, we're not sure. But you can eat Panera's bread in a made-to-order sandwich in the cafè, which is more than Pillsbury ever offered ya. Um, yeah, that's all we've got. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: South Union Bread Cafè, Basil Prosperi Bakery

Best New Restaurant
Cheesecake Factory

The Cheesecake Factory is not for the indecisive. With more than 200 menu selections ranging from pizza, pasta and seafood to specialty dishes like Chicken Madeira, Miso Salman and Cajun jambalaya pasta, it takes longer to flip through the menu than it does to create a boondoggle keychain. Did we mention the ridiculously large portion sizes? In order to save room for one of the restaurant's many dessert choices, you might have to tuck the leftovers in your pants pocket for later. 101 Jordan Creek Parkway, West Des Moines, 457-9888.
Runners-up: P.F. Chang's China Bistro, Bravo! Cucina Italiana

Best Italian Restaurant
Latin King

Mmm ... chicken spiedini. What the hell is spiedini? Who cares; it tastes good, and Bob Tursi and Co. have perfected the dish - white chicken rolled onto a skewer, marinated and lightly rolled in bread crumbs before being cooked on the grill. This East Side family-oriented restaurant has a strong following of regulars, and it's not hard to figure out why. Just stop on by for some spiedini, steak or Italian fried mozzarella - all favorites. What we're still wondering is: Why is an Italian restaurant called Latin King? 2200 Hubbell Ave., 266-4466.

Runners-up: Cosi Cucina, Tumea & Sons

Best Beer Selection/Restaurants
A Taste of Thailand

A Taste of Thailand is in the process of revamping its beer menu. See, some of the 122 bottled beers the ethnic restaurant has been serving are no longer available in Iowa, if that's any indication of how sprawling the list is. Perhaps the most popular selection is Zingu, a Brazilian beer, but the restaurant also stocks brews from every other corner of the world. Represented are countries like Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, Czech Republic, Denmark, India, Japan, Kenya, Lithuania, Netherlands, Poland and Scotland. A Taste of Thailand also serves microbrews from the United States as well as the standard domestics. 215 E. Walnut St., 243-9521.

Runners-up: Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery, Royal Mile

Best Place for Vegetarians
A Dong Restaurant

Fellow vegetarians, we all know how tough it can be to persuade our meat-eating friends to forgo steak or pork in favor of tofu and raw vegetables, so let's not waste our breath anymore trying to get them to change their ways and keep this our little secret. For years, A Dong has attracted our ilk thanks to its 37 vegetarian dishes. They offer a light taste that most people prefer once they try it. But like the old saying goes, you can lead horse to water... ah, forget it, pass the lemongrass and let's enjoy ourselves. 1511 High St., 284-5632.

Runners-up: Campbell's Nutrition Center, El Patio Mexican Restaurant

Best Steakhouse
Iowa Beef Steak House

Tom Callahan said it best: "I could get a hell of a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it." What we mean is: If this place is good enough for our readers, it's good enough for us. Bring on the beef! 1201 E. Euclid Ave., 262-1138.

Runners-up: 801 Steak and Chop House, Outback Steakhouse

Best Asian Restaurant
A Dong Restaurant

A previous winner in this category, A Dong offers 147 mouth-watering Vietnamese and Chinese dishes, but Vietnamese food is the preferred choice of most loyal patrons. Though the friendly staff is eager to help describe each dish, most customers have memorized the number of their favorite dishes, which makes ordering quick and easy. To-die-for spring rolls and specialty fruit drinks round out A Dong's extensive menu, and the relaxed atmosphere makes it one of the more enjoyable dining experiences in the capital city. Now, pass the lemon sauce. 1511 High St., 284-5632.

Runners-up: A Taste of Thailand, P.F. Chang's China Bistro

Best Power Lunch
801 Steak and Chop House

If you think new business practices have made steak-and-scotch deals passŽ in the 21st century, you obviously haven't been to 801 Steak and Chop House for a power lunch. There you'll find business leaders, politicians and other decision-makers setting the table (pardon the pun) for business deals or sealing them with a handshake. The restaurant's blue-ribbon menu, as well as its list of 350 fine wines, is a key ingredient to the art of the deal. 801 Grand Ave., 288-6000.

Runners-up: Centro, Nick's Bar & Grill

Best Place for a $5 Lunch
McDonald's

Seriously? We know what it's like to be cash-strapped, but Mickey D's? Have you people not seen "Super Size Me"? OK, you wanted the Golden Arches, and you got it. McDonald's one dollar, make-you-slobber menu is full of cheapie eats for those on a budget. Needing a quick fix, you can snag five of the following, pre-tax, and put together a meal that you'll be expelling about a half-hour later: double cheeseburger, McChicken sandwich, fries (the most-eaten vegetable in America), soft drink, snack-size fruit 'n yogurt parfait, hot fudge sundae, pies and a side salad. Well, McDonald's does feed more than 46 million people each day. Yeah, we're lovin' it. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: Subway, Tasty Tacos

Best Mexican Restaurant
El Rodeo Mexican Restaurant

We may not be professional food critics, but we know that Mexican food, at its very best, is simple, honest and filling, which is why many of you agree El Rodeo is the place to go for tasty, authentic Mexican cuisine. The restaurant serves a variety of enchiladas, burritos, flautas, fajitas and quesadillas, as well as other time-honored dishes like chicken mole and chile verde. Most entrees are accompanied by a plethora of sides like refried beans, cheese, guacamole and sour cream. You'll want to wash it all down with a delicious frozen margarita. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: El Patio Mexican Restaurant, Monterrey Restaurante Mexicano

Best Salsa
El Rodeo Mexican Restaurant

We agree with George Costanza, salsa should be served on every table in every restaurant, especially if it tastes like the variety served at El Rodeo. Though the Spanish word "salsa" translates into English as "sauce," we know the term to mean a mildly to intensely spicy uncooked condiment that starts with tomatoes but can incorporate everything from watermelon, cherries, mangoes, pumpkin seeds and minced clams. We're not sure if any of those ingredients are in El Rodeo's salsa. All we know is that it has the proper balance of heat, acid and salt, and that's good enough for us. Multiple locations.

Runners-up: El Patio Mexican Restaurant, Monterrey Restaurante Mexicano

Best Fancy Pants Food
801 Steak and Chop House

If you voted 801 Steak and Chop House as Best Fancy Pants Food, you're not alone, Mr. and Ms. Fancy Pants. Distinguished Restaurants of North America, Wine Spectator and Cigar Aficionado have heaped oodles of praise (and for good reason) on the downtown Des Moines restaurant for exemplifying the highest quality standards in all aspects of the dining experience, including food, wines, interior design and cigars. How's that tickle your fancy? 801 Grand Ave., 288-6000.

Runners-up: Sage, Forty-Three Restaurant & Bar

Best First Date Spot
Fratello's on Eighth,
Sam and Gabe's Italian Bistro, Trostel's Greenbriar Restaurant & Bar
(three-way tie)

Leave it to the single crowd to turn this category into a three-way.
Fratello's, 1261 Eighth St., West Des Moines, 223-8808; Sam and Gabe's, 8631 Hickman Road, Urbandale, 271-9200; Trostel's, 5810 Merle Hay Road, Johnston, 253-0124.

UTOPIA

Best Radio Personality
Dic Youngs, KIOA

Voted "Best Radio Personality" by both listeners of KIOA (It's OK, we heard Youngsy tell a similar joke about a winner of last year's "Best Of" poll), Dic Youngs has been spinning oldies tunes for the last 38 years like they're going out of style (sorry, we couldn't resist). But seriously, generations of radio fans have tuned into KIOA just to hear Youngsy, especially on Saturday nights, making him a legend of local radio. One request though, Youngsy, how about a little less Herman's Hermits and The Association and a lot more Gene and Eddie?

Runners-up: Greg Chance, Steve Deace, Van Harden

Best Annual Event
Iowa State Fair

Happy 151st birthday, Iowa State Fair! Cracking the million attendance level was special, now if we could only keep them all coming back for fried Hostess products on a stick, Nelson and, of course, the midway. The fair is tagging itself, "America's favorite state fair ... and it's right in your back yard!" It's true. We can't think of any other state that takes as much pride in its state fair as ours. Nor would we want it any other way.

Runners-up: Des Moines Arts Festival, Gay Pride Week

Best Local Sports Commentator
Keith Murphy, WHO-TV

Keith Murphy has to be the most modest guy in television. In fact, if we knew Channel 13's humble sportscaster wouldn't blush, we'd rename this category in his honor. Murph consistently takes the award, and he's gracious every time we talk to him. "I'm very pleased there are people who enjoy what I do," Murphy says. "That's a big reason we get into this business. I can't say that it doesn't matter or I don't care what people think because I do want people to enjoy what I do." Murphy even tried to downplay his victory, saying he's blessed to have an added advantage over the competition every Sunday night with "Sports Sound Off," which has breezed through eight years and is closing in on its 500th episode. In a showing of Ving Rhames modesty, Murphy couldn't help touting his Sunday night co-anchor, Andy Fales, and his "What's Bugging Andy?" segment, which Murphy calls "storytelling on steroids." However, Murphy denies having ever been in the same bathroom as Fales, so no word on his back acne. Anyway, here's to another year of Murphy on top.

Runners-up: Heidi Soliday, Mark Meisenheimer

Best Radio Station
KISS 107.5

To save any indie cred we may have over here at Cityview, we'd like to iterate that we don't listen to KISS 107.5. Then again, we don't listen to the radio at all. So don't worry, KISS. It's not you; it's us. Even so, that doesn't mean the station isn't deserving of the title of Best Radio Station, seeing as how it already touts itself as Des Moines' No. 1 "hit music station." Surely the station - and Cityview readers - know something we don't. But we hope KISS plays that new Kelly Clarkson tune, because Cityview Managing Editor Justin Kendall thinks it's "empowering." Hear that? That's the sound of Kendall's cred dying.

Runners-up: KGGO, WHO

Best TV Station for News
KCCI

For years, the award-winning tag team of Kevin Cooney and Jeanette Trompeter helped lead KCCI in the ratings, especially when it came to 6 and 10 p.m. time slots. Now that Trompeter has left for Minneapolis, WHO-TV, WOI-TV and KDSM are hoping the race will tighten a bit, though that remains to be seen. Much like the ratings, KCCI has a firm grip on Cityview's unscientific Best Of poll, making it a repeat winner in this heralded category.

Runners-up: WHO, WOI

Best Local Talk Show
Jan Mickelson, WHO radio

Jan Mickelson isn't hurting for material for his radio talk show, "Mickelson in the Morning." "A culture in collapse is target-rich environment," Mickelson says. "There is just an unending supply of material." But Mickelson isn't boasting. In fact, he admits he'd trade his job in a heartbeat for a "stable, prosperous, virtuous society." We tend to believe him because, as much as we usually disagree with him, we know he wants what he says he wants. Why is society on the road to ruin? Mickelson sees it this way: The forebears, the first generation, were "passionate, god-fearing, self-disciplined, self-regulating, self-governing" folks who lived well and prospered. The second generation coasted on their parents' hard work. The third "rejected the bull work and still coasted." The fourth generation "forgot how we got here." Now, we're back to square one. "The conclusion of this not a foregone thing," Mickelson says. "We could lose our freedom; we could lose our country; we have certainly almost lost our ability to be a self-governing republic; and there's several different "-isms" in the competing religious worldviews and political worldviews that would be just happy to see America disappear into the dustbin of history." But it's also an exciting time to be alive, Mickelson says, adding, "We've been severed from our history, severed from our culture and we are the most gullible people on the planet. Rich, fat and stupid. And we can't keep any of those propositions going more than this generation if we can't get rid of that last category." Hear Mickelson weekdays on Newsradio 1040 WHO from 9 to 11:30 a.m.

Runners-up: Mac and Mr. Fisher, Van and Bonnie

Best Self-Righteous Media Hog
Jan Mickelson, WHO radio

We really should name the award after Jan. He owns this category. Sorry Deacer. Always the bridesmaid. And, in Jan's immortal words, "I only have myself to thank." Now, how can Jan be the Best Self-Righteous Media Hog and the Best Local Talk Show? Well, Jan says, Cityview readers are either contradicting themselves or "They highly approve of self-righteous media hogs. They consider that not a criticism or critique, just the proper evaluation of skill recognized." Jan has some advice for aspiring self-righteous media hogs. "Your message ought to be the medium here," he says. "As I've often said in the past, 'The Pharisee stood afar and just to look down his nose and say, "I just thank God I'm not like others." He's the model for my life." We figured.

Runners-up: Steve Deace, Christine Hensley

Best Drag Queen
Stinketta

Des Moines has a sense of humor about its drag queens. Stinketta is a whole lotta woman, thanks to the fat suit donned by Bryan Smith, general manager of Blazing Saddle. But it's all comedy as far as Smith is concerned, which shows in Stinketta's revolving cast of wigs, including one frizzy reddish-brown number that's teased more than Jacko's plastic surgery methods, ridiculously over-the-top makeup and tacky taste in eyeglasses. Smith doesn't know what earned Stinketta the title of Best Drag Queen, but our money's on the Ÿber-curvy figure and flair for dramatic accessories.

Runners-up: Savannah Sanchez, Champagne Showers

Best Place to Take Visitors
Iowa State Fair

OK, the Iowa State Fair lasts only 11 days in August (this year, the Aug. 11-21), so why our readers have deemed it the Best Place to Take Visitors is beyond us. We get that it's a great slice of Americana, with butter cows and cow chip throwing, but c'mon. Then we saw the runners-up, and our complaints disappeared. The state Capitol? Jordan Creek Town Center? Valley Junction? OK, we get Valley Junction, but the Capitol and Jordan Creek? Unbelievable. This is the best Iowa can do? Whimper, sigh, cry.

Runners-up: State Capitol, Jordan Creek Town Center, Valley Junction

Best Place to Watch People
Iowa State Fair

Where are you gonna find the oblivious mullet kings of the state? The Cro-Magnon men who seem to have come from a farmhouse somewhere down south? Fair fashion faux pas from decades past - and available at most thrift stores or in Napoleon Dynamite's closet? Yes, the Iowa State Fair is your one-stop gawk at the oddities of Iowa - or just the regular inhabitants. Either way, we know what it's like to stare, mouth open at the creatures drawn to the fairgrounds every year. We suggest packing a copy of the Cityview State Fair Bingo card and checking off your finds or documenting your journey with photographs. We're certain paranormal investigators might want a look.

Runners-up: Jordan Creek Town Center, Valley West Mall

Best Museum
State of Iowa Historical Museum

They say you don't know where you're going until you know where you've been. If that's true, the State of Iowa Historical Museum is a must-see because no building sums up Iowa's past, present and future better. There you'll find archives, a library and interactive permanent and touring exhibits. And a walk through the building wouldn't be complete without a meal or cup of coffee at the in-house cafŽ or a visit to the Museum Store. Best of all, admission is free. 600 E. Locust St., 281-5111.

Runners-up: Des Moines Art Center, Science Center of Iowa

Best Elected Official
Gov. Tom Vilsack

Again, we're not sure what criteria, if any, people are using when they vote in this category as it is open to a variety of interpretations. But we are sure of two things: First, Gov. Tom Vilsack is an elected official and second, depending on your political affiliation, you're sure to have an opinion about him winning this category. Let us know how you feel. Send your opinions to Cityview, 100 Fourth St., Des Moines, Iowa 50309.

Runners-up: Frank Cownie, Matt McCoy

Best Cityview Staffer You Would Like to Tie Down to the Railroad Tracks
Justin Kendall

So, you don't like reading Justin Kendall? You should try working with him. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't gaze upon the railroad tracks across our parking lot with great wonder and sing, "I hear the train a comin', it's rollin' 'round the bend and I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when." Get a rope.

Runners-up: Connie Wimer, Erin Randolph, Joe Sampson

Best Elected Official You Would Like to Publicly Flog
Christine Hensley and George W. Bush, tie

El Presidente Busho and City
Councilwoman Christine tied for this year's flogging honors. A kinky combo if we've ever seen one. Now, let's clarify: Our S&M fantasies have never included either of these two ... at all ... ever. Tie in leather, whips and chains, and we're ready for our safe word, or Freddy Krueger's five-fingered glove of death to kill us in our sleep. At the least, we'd need one of those leather masks with the zipper over the mouth - and eyes.

Runner-up: Tom Vilsack

Best Local TV Anchor
Kevin Cooney, KCCI

It's good to be the king. But we're willing to bet that if we named this category after KCCI's Kevin Cooney, voted "Best Local TV Anchor" by Cityview readers for the fourth consecutive year, he would probably blush. That kind of humility, not to mention his professional delivery of the news and well-timed sense of dry humor, is what we Iowans like about him. For more than 20 years, we've invited him into our homes at night, where he's earned our trust while helping KCCI maintain the market's highest ratings. As an aside, we dig the fact he's a White Sox fan and he doesn't color his hair. Hail the king!

Runners-up: Jeanette Trompeter, John Bachman

Best Meteorologist
Ed Wilson, WHO-TV

We can see clearly now the rain is gone. We
can see all obstacles in our way. It's a bright sun shiny day at Channel 13 as Ed Wilson reclaims his "Best Meteorologist" crown from KCCI's John McLaughlin. The prognosticator of all weather prognosticators and seer of all things that drive us to our basement (or the golf course), Wilson reigns supreme when it comes to delivering the seven-day outlook and explaining things like barometric pressure and dew point in a professional and sunny way. Looks like another year of Wilson on top is in the offing.

Runners-up: John McLaughlin, Curtis Gertz

Best Media Personality Who Should Seriously Consider Another Career
Ed Wilson, WHO-TV

Oh, Ed. We giveth, then we taketh away. What can we say? I'm sure once our readers sober up they'll see you in another light. Maybe it was that missed call a few weeks ago when you forecast sun and we got snow. Hey, nobody's perfect. Then again, maybe it's not a bad idea to have a backup plan in case the last 15 years or so of being the leading meteorologist at WHO-TV prove to be a fluke. McLaughlin has that helicopter pilot/professional fisherman thing as a backup. How about starting a band or opening a go-kart track?

Runners-up: Brooke Bauma, John McLaughlin

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