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Review: Seven ways of
looking at a monster
By Dan Vinson
cvfdude@aol.com

Next week "King Kong"
returns as one of the most anticipated
and expensive films ever, courtesy
of Oscar-winning director Peter
Jackson. Starring Naomi Watts,
Jack Black, Adrien Brody and Andy
Serkis, how will it compare with
the classic 1933 original and
largely regrettable 1976 remake?
The original saved a studio (RKO),
introduced special effects to
the masses and inspired generations
of filmmakers. The remake nearly
bankrupted its producers, proved
that ape suits and outstanding
cinematography don't trump stop-motion
techniques or trick photography,
and launched "King Kong"
sequel hell. Jackson looks to
improve the corny dialogue, expand
the story (to three hours!) and
characters, and make his digital
Kong exceedingly authentic. Here
are "King Kong's" essential
components.
I. Carl. The original starred
venerable Robert Armstrong as
adventurer-filmmaker Carl Denham.
Before sailing to far-flung Skull
Island, he needed a new actress.
As Fred Wilson, hammy Charles
Grodin was searching for oil instead
of a woman in '76. Again as Carl,
Jack Black may have found the
showman he was born to play.
II. Ann. Ah, Fay Wray. Most people
probably know whose screams those
are. Her sensual Ann Darrow didn't
expect to be in movies, but Jessica
Lange's sexual Dwan did. Plucked
unconscious from a floating life
raft, Dwan's later explanation
of her odd name is as clumsy as
the crew's constant gawking. Naomi
Watts' Ann will be tougher and
more sensitive, but still with
plenty to scream about.
III. Jack. Uninterested in Carl,
Ann falls for bland first mate
Jack Driscoll (Bruce Cabot), who
then allows natives to kidnap
her. Armed with an ordinary 35mm
camera, Jeff Bridges played grizzled
stowaway professor Jack Prescott
in '76. Adrien Brody's Jack is
a playwright, which actually seems
interesting.
IV. The natives. Skull Island's
original inhabitants were aggressive,
if quite stereotypical, fulfilling
director Merian C. Cooper's filmmaking
motto of "distant, difficult,
dangerous." The remake's
aborigines were confused Pacific
Islander hippies, man. Jackson's
look eerie, fresh from the swamps
of Mordor.
V. Kong. The best part? You hear
him before you see him. When the
original engrossed audience heard,
then saw Kong for the first time,
they could barely breathe. This
perpetually enraged Kong ripped
and stomped - still rather gruesome
- all threats against Ann. An
improvement technically, ardor
drives Kong in'76, though he only
wrestles one giant, ludicrous
animatronic snake. Andy Serkis
(Gollum to you) studied gorilla
movement and behavior in Rwanda
to make his Kong much more emotive.
Motion-capture technology will
do the rest.
VI. The love story. Beauty and
the beast. The first Kong protected
and examined Ann (watch for the,
um, sniffing), while in '76 Dwan
and beast seem to communicate
and have an actual "relationship."
(Watch for the waterfall bath
and yes, blow-dry.) Jackson looks
to have combined the two; Watts,
who met Wray not long before her
death in August, said recently
that this was "a powerful
love story."
VII. The end. In all three versions
King Kong is transported to New
York, where he's exploited as
the "Eighth Wonder of the
World." His rampage in 1933
is brief as biplanes pick him
off the Empire State Building.
(Co-directors Cooper and Council
Bluffs native Ernest Schoedsack
fire the kill shots.) Kong's violent,
lengthy death sequence in '76
reflects the collapse a few years
earlier of the Motion Picture
Production Code (which began the
year after the original "King
Kong"). Jackson's Kong will
surely be allowed plenty of destruction
time, but will Jackson himself
dare to shoot down the monster
that sparked his interest in filmmaking?
Regardless, "It was beauty
killed the beast." CV
Review: 'Aeon Flux'
By Dan Vinson

After months of problems, both
during production and after principal
photography was done, Charlize
Theron finally appears as sleek
rebel Aeon Flux. But perhaps the
movie's biggest demon is this:
Who the hell is Aeon Flux?
In 1991, MTV had just begun
branching out from the music videos
that blasted off their company,
when they unveiled the strange,
late-night animated world of "Liquid
Television." Largely dialogue
free, "Aeon Flux" (pronounced
eon), with much more sex and violence
than the movie, quickly became
a cult hit. Set in 2415 after
a virus has killed 99 percent
of the world's population, Bregna,
the Earth's last settlement was
created, and is ruled by, Trevor
Goodchild (Marton Csokas), developer
of the 11th-hour vaccine. Most
believe this tranquil cement playground
to be Utopia, but the Monicans
don't. These well-trained rebel
operatives know what's really
happening. People disappearing,
arrested for no crime whatsoever,
or even murdered - like Aeon's
innocent younger sister, Una (Amelia
Warner). Trevor and his governing
council, including brother Oren
(Jonny Lee Miller), begin to disagree
about how much force is necessary
to keep the citizens in line.
After her sister's death, Aeon's
mission to kill Trevor Goodchild
becomes personal. After receiving
the go-ahead from the Handler
(Frances McDormand in a fright
wig), Aeon teams with Sithandra
(Hotel Rwanda's Sophie Okonedo)
to infiltrate the sprawling Goodchild
compound. In one dizzying scene,
they must cross saber grass and
avoid poisonous pod guns hanging
from trees. They plan a rendezvous,
but by the time it nears, Aeon
has been captured (though she
easily escapes) and uncovers secrets
that reverse her attitude and
mission. Is Trevor who she, and
the rebels thought? Why did he
call her Catherine?
Abandoning her mission, Aeon
decides to investigate further
just as Oren's coup has succeeded.
(Trevor and Aeon have been seen
talking.) Bregna now seems like
Rome without swords. She and Trevor
are working together, but can
he be trusted? Blowing things
up and figuring things out, they
also must dodge Monican assassins,
who can't have a rogue agent running
around. Once you realize what's
at stake, what Trevor was really
up to, the movie greatly improves.
The dizzying action is impressive
throughout, but the first half
plays like an unfortunate combination
of "Star Trek Enterprise"
and episode one of "Star
Wars." (The better parts
borrow "Minority Report's"
sensibilities.)
Director Karyn Kusama's last
film was also her first, the much
smaller "Girlfight,"
but "Aeon Flux" also
displays her considerable talent.
Shot partly in Germany, it's hard
to tell what's real and what isn't
in the exotic scenery, and it's
nice that George Lucas' Industrial
Light & Magic had nothing
to do with it. (Other companies
do exist.) Stuart Dryburgh provides
the crisp, agile cinematography.
If not for the delays, this,
not "North Country,"
would have been Charlize Theron's
Oscar follow-up, and her elongated
frame suits her well for the acrobatics
here, while her emotions universalize
the story. When she speaks near
the end about life, death and
hope it carries unusual weight.
Interestingly, the future still
contains books, mass transit,
xenophobes, machine gun variations,
and, like now to a large extent,
big battles over reproduction.
So "Aeon Flux" is more
than just a sexy sci-fi escape
for fan boys. CV
Review: 'The Kid &
I'
By Erin Randolph

In "The Kid & I,"
writer-actor Tom Arnold does what
he's been known to do (at least
up until this year's great "Happy
Endings"): play the bumbling
sidekick. But this time, it's
to the advantage of his co-star,
who for once gets to look like
the stud he's never been known
as.
Bill Williams (Tom Arnold) is
a lonely, suicidal actor who became
semi-famous with the role he played
in "True Spies" 11 years
ago. But an attempt at offing
himself is put on hold when his
long-absent agent (Henry Winkler)
comes to Bill with an offer he
can't refuse: multi-millionaire
Davis Roman (Joe Montegna) wants
to pay him an ass load of money
to write and act in a sequel to
"True Lies." The catch:
Roman wants his son, Aaron (Eric
Gores), to be the action hero
while Bill plays the dumb, fat,
action-hero sidekick. The other
catch: Aaron has cerebral palsy.
Aaron has aspirations of being
an actor, and moreover, he wants
to prove that anyone can be a
hero - even someone with a physical
disability. Bill first, wants
a paycheck, and second, wants
to act in a film again. So Bill
and Aaron embark on a journey
to create an action comedy that
will suit both of their agendas.
However, as movies of this ilk
always go, Bill obviously gets
much more out of "True Spies"
than a paycheck (a point that
is foreshadowed by a another sub-par
acting job by Shannon Elizabeth,
who plays Aaron's stepmom, when
she says, "Everyone who meets
him says he changes their life").
"The Kid & I"
isn't a great movie. But that
really doesn't matter. It accomplishes
what Arnold set out to do: he
has a venue to talk about cerebral
palsy and the effects that has
on Aaron's ability to lead a normal
life; it gives aspiring actor
Gores a chance to star in a feature
film; and it's entertaining enough
and has enough outside jokes (including
some hilarious jabs at Arnold's
ex-wife Roseanne Barr) to keep
an audience amused while it accomplishes
its other goals. CV
Review: 'Sarah Silverman:
Jesus is Magic'
By Erin Randolph

In Sarah Silverman's world, nothing
is off limits. Not the Holocaust,
not AIDS, not rape, not religion.
Not midgets, Osama bin Laden,
9/11 or Martin "Loser"
King. Nothing. The pretty, innocent-faced
comedian slaughters sacred cows
in such a nonchalant manner that
it seems like second nature.
"Sarah Silverman: Jesus
is Magic" is a strange amalgamation
of live stand-up, musical theater
and film. It starts out with her
sitting in a living room with
colleagues who are inadvertently
bragging about their current comedic
career exploits. Silverman then
lies, just to have something to
tell them, saying that she has
this weird show planned for that
very night in which she will touch
on taboo topics. This backfires,
of course, when her colleagues
want to attend, forcing her to
actually write and star in her
own show.
For much of "Jesus is Magic,"
the audience sees Silverman on
stage doing a stand-up routine.
However, at certain points during
her spiel, the film will cut to
taped scenes that complement her
dialogue or to music videos of
sorts, with Silverman singing
off-kilter tunes about random
topics.
And it's during these songs
that Silverman really shines,
including one she does, with a
huge smile on her face, for some
elderly people in an old folks
home that one can only imagine
is called "You're Going to
Die Soon," in which she talks
about "doody" in their
underwear and graying pubes. ("It's
not cold in here, you're just
dying," she sings to one
old person.) In another, she expresses
her love to an unknown person
by relating the strength of her
affection to racial stereotypes.
("I love you more than Jews
love money. I love you more than
Asians are good at math.")
At the beginning of "Jesus
is Magic," Silverman, talking
to herself, says that she "could
take this mixed up world and put
it in a show." And that's
exactly what she's done. And the
result is a hilarious comedic
performance by a female comedian
who isn't afraid to match the
vulgarness of her male comedian
counterparts. CV
Review: 'Just Friends'
By Erin Randolph

At the beginning of "Just
Friends," the audience is
treated to a retainer-wearing,
fat-suit clad Ryan Reynolds. But
it's not the fat suit that's funny.
It's not the addition of the prosthetic
second chin, either, which really
is more of a second neck that
looks like it's about to eat the
rest of his bloated face. It's
the sincere lip-syncing in the
mirror to All-4-One's "I
Swear" that's the funniest
part, because it's like, so 1995.
And it's this beginning part that
shows how good "Just Friends"
could have been. And it's another
bout of lip-syncing during the
end credits that really brings
this point home.
But back to the fat suit. Here
we meet Chris, the token "fat
kid" in school who just happens
to be best friends with the "most
popular girl" (Amy Smart
as Jamie) in school. He also happens
to have (surprise) a major crush
on her that she doesn't yet know
about. But at a party on the night
of their graduation, Chris writes
his true feelings and his plea
for something more in her yearbook.
But of course, a mix-up puts Jamie's
yearbook in the hands of the "asshole
football player," who reads
Chris' sentiments aloud, much
to Chris' dismay and embarrassment.
And then, as if things couldn't
get worse, Jamie responds to Chris'
writings by dumping him in the
dreaded "just friends"
bottomless pit.
Jump 10 years in the future,
when Chris is now a skinny, successful,
hunky music executive in Los Angeles.
He'd left his teenage home in
New Jersey long ago, vowing never
to go back. And why would he?
He's now neck-deep in females.
However, when his plane trip to
Paris with a music artist prospect
(Anna Faris as Samantha Jones)
- also unfortunately an overbearing
ex-girlfriend of his - gets grounded
in new Jersey, he returns home,
where he tries to woo Jamie with
his LA bravado.
But now he's got new competition.
The once-acne ridden, and now
hunky-nice guy Dusty (Chris Klein)
is also back in the picture. And
while the two do battle for the
affections of their high school
crush, snafus occur, such as a
hockey puck to the teeth and Christmas
decorations set on fire. And while
there are moments of mild amusement,
"Just Friends" adds
up to little more than a mixture
of romantic comedy and Christmas
film clichés. And though
many of the elements are the same,
"Just Friends" is no
"Something About Mary."
It's not that the laughs aren't
there. It's just that we've already
laughed at these physical comedy
antics before - in much better
movies. Reynolds, who's perhaps
better known for his relationship
with moody Canadian alt-rocker
Alanis Morrissette than for his
roles in "National Lampoon's
Van Wilder" and "Waiting...,"
is an easy enough guy to root
for, and he's a funny enough actor,
but here he just doesn't meet
the challenge of carrying this
film into redeeming territory.
And to use the cliché
the film encourages (because,
hey, the movie wasn't all that
innovative either), "Just
Friends" is a film that will
never rise above a casual acquaintance,
the kind that's good to have around
in case you're left with the people
equivalents of "Jersey Girl"
or "Deuce Bigalow: European
Gigalo." CV
Review: 'Rent'
By Carolyn Szczepanski

What do you get when you cross
a couple episodes of "Dawson's
Creek" with a mix of low-budget
music videos and a few pick-up
truck commercials? An embarrassing
mockery of a Pulitzer Prize- and
Tony Award-winning play.
Jonathan Larson's "Rent"
- a play following a group of
starving artists battling disease
and discrimination in New York
City - debuted in 1996 to critical
acclaim and instant popularity.
Reinventing the musical genre
for the modern audience, it was
only a matter of time before this
rock opera went Hollywood. But
those who have seen "Rent"
on stage will alternately cringe
and chuckle at the ineptitude
of this big screen adaptation.
First off, the music is so overblown
it nearly drowns out the actor's
voices and Larson's lyrics, which
in the case of the former isn't
necessarily a bad thing. While
on stage the progression of songs
creates continuity and plot flow,
here tunes are shuffled out of
context producing the disjointed
feel of an extended string of
hackneyed music videos. In fact,
even scenes so well-conceived
they'd be a no-brainer for an
elementary school cast are inevitably
overcooked or stone cold, leaving
fans marveling at how contrived
such inspired songs can appear
in 2-D.
But it's not all Director Chris
Columbus' fault. Though big on
name recognition, the cast is
short on substance. Collins (Jesse
L. Martin) is cartoonishly hyper,
while his ebullient drag-queen
partner, Angel (Wilson Jermaine
Heredia), is underplayed. Mimi
(Rosario Dawson) is all victim
and no vibrancy, while Roger (Adam
Pascal) sticks to being a vacuous
pretty boy, barely hinting at
the character-defining bitterness
at a lifetime of hopes extinguished.
And Mark (Anthony Rapp) must have
been cast by a deaf guy in a dark
alley because the blonde-haired
wimp is downright insufferable.
Of course, not all the laugh-out-loud
inadequacy is the fault of the
actors either. The bungled translation
from stage to screen also is to
blame: sure, the outstretched
arms, poignant stares and grasping
the sides of the pool table in
the midst of an emotional song
are all good drama onstage. But
on the big screen, such overdrawn
liberties make the whole production
look like a childish farce. A
farce that will, no doubt, leave
true "Rent" fans grasping
for their soundtracks to resuscitate
their faith in this modern theater
classic. CV
Review: 'The Ice Harvest'
By Joshua Tyler

"The Ice Harvest" should
be a slam dunk. Harold Ramis is
the right director for this sort
of thing, his wry wit and biting
sense of humor ideally suited
for the dark, crime comedy this
is supposed to be. It's got the
right cast too. John Cusack and
Billy Bob Thornton teamed up for
a "Trapped in Paradise"-esque,
Christmas caper? It should be
genius. It isn't. Here's the thing:
it just isn't very funny. Instead,
"Ice Harvest" is a morose,
sometimes depressing flick. It's
not a dark comedy so much as it
is a miserable one.
The premise is all too familiar.
Charlie (John Cusack) and Vic
(Billy Bob Thornton) have decided
to steal from their employers,
the mob. Charlie is a mob lawyer;
Vic heads up the strippers and
porn division of gang boss Bill
Guerrard's empire. Their plan?
Steal $2 million and get the hell
out of town before anyone notices.
Well, maybe not right out of town.
Instead, they decide to hang around
a few hours, for reasons understood
only to them. There's talk of
icy roads, but that doesn't seem
to stop them from driving around
town from location to location
as a plot device to get themselves
in trouble. In between stealing
money and getting himself caught,
Charlie hops between strip clubs
and bars making a spectacle of
himself even though Vic has just
reminded him to lay low and act
normal. Charlie bumps into his
old friend Pete (Oliver Platt)
and the movie comes alive for
awhile so that Oliver Platt can
steal scenes.
The basic problem here is this:
"The Ice Harvest" thinks
it's a comedy and it isn't. It's
not even a dark comedy. For the
most part, it's simply unhappy
without purpose, meandering from
one depressing stripper, drunk
or corrupt cop to another. The
witty lines are too few and far
between. The film's trailers have
heralded it as this year's "Bad
Santa," and they're only
doing it a disservice. "Bad
Santa" is sick, twisted,
irreverent and depraved. "The
Ice Harvest" is none of those
things and instead kind of settles
in on being flat--out sad. CV
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