We all scream over ‘Stephen King’s
Bag of Bones’
miniseries “Stephen King’s Bag of Bones” (Sunday,
8 p.m., A&E) wastes no time scaring you
to death. With horror movies, I can usually
keep my wits about me at least through the credit
sequence, but not this time, thanks to merciless
music, editing and imagery. Pierce Brosnan plays
Michael, a bestselling author who loses his
wife in an accident — though “lose” is overstating
Since he’s apparently never seen a Stephen King
adaptation before, Michael makes the crazy decision
to write his next novel on the lonely Maine
estate where his wife had spent time doing mysterious
I applaud the effectiveness of “Bag of Bones”
while regretting that I’ll have to sleep with
the lights on for the next few weeks.
‘Storage Wars: Texas’
Tuesday, 9:30 p.m. (A&E)
This new series offers all the — ahem — excitement
of “Storage Wars,” but now with Texas accents!
It comes on all badass in the title sequence
as we meet bargain-hunters nicknamed the Rangers,
the Boss and the Outsider. If you’re wondering
how the concepts of “bad-ass” and “bargain-hunters”
go together — well, they really don’t.
The would-be players show up at Texas storage
units to bid on their contents, hoping to make
a few more bucks than they spend by selling
the junk to collectors. For example, one of
the “Rangers” waddles up to a storage unit in
shorts, black socks, glasses and a baseball
cap, his shirt hanging over his enormous belly.
He spots action figures and a copy of “Lord
of the Rings” among the former owners’ garbage.
“These guys were card-carrying nerds!” he cackles.
Look who’s talking. CV