By Douglas Burns

A democracy functions best when its citizens are educated. We all know this. As our young people are now weeks into the school year — with new friends made and serious work starting in the classroom — it's time for some encouragement.

This columnist, a 42-year-old who went to Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill., from 1987 to 1991 with an early generation home computer and made it through without a cell phone, may not be the right person to dispense advice to kids about their first weeks of college.

But, then again, some may find this useful. Technology changes. Human nature doesn't.

After a few weeks of college many students and their parents really start discussions about the adjustment, so the timing of this column may be just about right.

Top 10 keys to college

1. Getting to class is key. This sounds like some of that "Just say no" advice — so obvious that it isn't worth mentioning.

But it is.

If you do show up for all your classes or have a solid attendance record, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of your peers in the classroom. Many of them will skip class routinely.

A complete set of notes is worth its weight in gold. And simply copying someone else's work won't cut it. We all take notes and organize them in different ways only we best understand.

What's more, many professors are arrogant, and they will test you on their interpretations of American history, for example. They are more likely to test on what they say than the assigned reading.

2. Be social. College is as much about making friends and learning from them as it is the books and notes. Simply put, the more people you know, the more enjoyable college will be.

Don't get bogged down with just one group. It's fine to be involved in a fraternity, as I was, or a sorority. (Full disclosure: my fraternity, Sigma Alpha Epsilon, was thrown off campus a few years after I graduated. We have since been reinstated.) But don't limit your social group to just that.

From a purely professional standpoint, the people you meet in college in the next few years may become trusted and valued associates, clients or even employers.

These college bonds and friendships are forged in social settings, not the libraries or classrooms. Spending all your time buried in the books is not just unhealthy, it's a bad career move, too.

3. Know the school's "drop-add" policy. This isn't something to be abused.

But as a new student you may get into a class you can't handle or land an eccentric professor. Don't let it drag your grade-point average down, particularly if you plan to attend graduate school or law school or medical school. Drop the class.

4. Use a professor's office hours. In other professions in the real world, it would be considered "bootlicking" to go to your boss and ask questions just for the sake of asking questions. But on college campuses, it is often the only way you can get to professors.

If you don't have any legitimate questions, tell the professor what your "study strategy" is for the course and ask if you are "emphasizing the right things."

Having a professor as a reference is important when you're looking for that first job. Many of them have connections in their respective industries.

5. Read a newspaper every day. A professor I had at Northwestern University said every student should read The Chicago Tribune and The New York Times every day. That's pretty ambitious.

What he's basically saying is "keep up with current events." It helps to put what you are learning in the classroom into perspective.

6. Get to know the janitors, cooks and behind-the-scenes personnel. These people are often some of the most knowledgeable about what is really happening on the campus or in a particular building.

Plus, knowing them can make your day more enjoyable when you leave the dorm in the morning and get a "hello" or a smile.

These people will appreciate your efforts because so many college students look down upon them.

7. Women should always travel with friends to parties. On the college-campus party landscape, women can be in an especially vulnerable position. This goes for universities and small colleges alike.

If you doubt this, ask the directors at the women's centers on campuses how many calls they get each year about date rapes.

When a young woman leaves her group of friends and goes it alone at a fraternity party, a dorm bash or an off-campus gathering, she is at the greatest risk of becoming a victim.

Remember, perpetrators generally aren't the guys who pop out from behind trees in the night. They are friends or acquaintances.

8. Never, ever attend a progressive drinking party or mix your drinks. Whether it involves alcohol or sex outside of marriage, the best advice is clearly abstinence.

But officials can't get that to work even at Brigham Young University.

Alcohol is a part of college life.

It is particularly troublesome for inexperienced drinkers who get caught up in a party environment for the first time. Stick to a beer or two and pace yourself. Don't do shots or mix beer and liquor, and always eat first.

9. Stay on campus over the weekend. Have you ever heard the term "Johnny Run Home?" That's what some people call those students who are always going home to mom and dad on the weekends.

Of course, that's a good way to stay out of trouble. But cut the cord already.

10. Drop your hometown honey. Based on a more than a decade of reaction to this column, this advice is either the best or the worst provided here. If you have a high school girlfriend/boyfriend, then it's time for the dumping to begin. The last thing you need as you start your collegiate life is all those phone calls to some girl you took to the prom.

A friend of mine had such trouble with his hometown honey, that he failed a bunch of tests early in his freshman year, digging himself a hole academically from the start. CV

Douglas Burns is a fourth-generation Iowa newspaperman who writes for The Carroll Daily Times Herald and offers columns for Cityview.

Back on the Facebook crack

By Sean Cirone

Editor's note: Stand-up comedian Sean Cirone attempted to kick the Facebook habit and wrote a humorous story for us that detailed his struggles in our July 21, 2011, issue. This commentary is a follow-up to that story.

The doves have returned smelling like nicotine, and my Facebook abandonment experiment has run its course. Did I miss it, one asks? Like a trucker craves Sudafed, I did.

Within days of my Napoleonic exile, I found new shitty employment, met a lady friend with a clean bill of mental health and even started yoga. Yes, yoga. The only reason a man should partake in this aerobic equation of water boarding would be if he is trying to master that nifty trick Ron Jeremy used to be able to perform on himself. Besides that, the only thing I can say about yoga is the phrase "Stick your head up your ass" probably originated from a past participant.

I filled a lot of the time I used to spend on Facebook reading, cleaning and purchasing losing lottery tickets. Currency and financial stability, that's for the rich, I say. Depression, hacking blood and engaging in destructive self habits are my five-year plan.

Another regrettable decision during my Facebook reprieve was mentioning to my mother how I had free time and could help her with housework. See, when one throws out false offers, one expects the reply to be "no problem" or "it's OK" or maybe "thanks for asking." Not with my mom. Before the last syllable rolled off my tongue, her Irish came out, and the next thing you know I'm a genetically-related, indentured servant. I kid, I kid. All I did was paint one yard decoration, oh and dig a hole and fill it with stones, and weed her garden, and move bricks heavier than gravity. Oh, yeah, and paint a storage shed the size of a fallout shelter. I would have done more, but the testicular physical therapy is dragging on longer then anticipated.

On visiting my father, I learned he has taken up the daily ritual of walking his homicidal cat. With his new hobby underway, he has gained the unofficial neighborhood title of "Crazy Cat Man." The day I visited, he accidentally introduced this feline version of "Saw" to a fellow tenant. I watched as this furry member of Jihad cornered an unsuspecting woman in the hallway, causing her to flee while leaving a trail of groceries in her wake. The scary part was hearing my father, with whom I share the same D.N.A., utter, "She really moved on that one!"

Searching for tranquility and peace in my Facebook-free time, I tried utilizing my state park seasonal pass. Unfortunately I came to discover the unwritten park rule: Family at park, no problem. Couple at park, no problem. Single dude in an unregistered car, yeah, let's get his plate.

Returning to Facebook was surprisingly uneventful. My first post went: "Forty days Facebook free. Finally I'm back from my self imposed exile. Oh this tastes so good! It's always better after a good meal. It's no biggie. I can always quit again."

This was followed by a barrage of comments including, "We knew you'd be back. Facebook is like crack except people don't sell their TVs for it."

Who ever said I had a T.V?

One friend called me out by posting, "I saw you on here once a week accepting friend's requests. B.S!"

Yes, I skewered the experiment. I accept that, but come on, it was just a taste, it was just a taste.

Hands down the best was the comment, "Where'd you go, FB Anonymous?"

That would be a good idea in concept, but you know the meetings would be whacked. I can just see myself standing in front of other users proclaiming my faults, bowing my head in shame and then hearing them all state "LIKE" in unison.

Just like riding a bike, I returned to posting strange facts and observing the like button until someone inflated my ego. A couple of my posts included "10 CDs for a penny? I miss that. They even had a spot where you could tape the penny to the envelope. They really wanted that penny." I still double lock my doors in fear of Columbia House henchmen rerouting my kneecaps because of the one unpaid Papa Roach CD.

Another went "Best deadliest warrior episode: welfare mom vs. birth control."

That one lit up the like button like Dick Cheney's heart monitor but unfortunately got me disqualified from ever attending another Nickelback concert. Actually, in hindsight, it really wasn't that unfortunate.

Well, I'm back on Facebook, I'm hooked and I'm screwed.

Oh, yeah, before I forget feel free to add me at comedianseancirone@facebook.com.

LIKE. CV