Have a seat...
Take a peek at some of the best and worst bathrooms in the metro
By Jared Curtis
They have been called many names — loo, water closet, comfort room, dunny, netty and latrine. Al Bundy cared more about his than he cared about his wife. Elvis died in his. And in 1985, “Ghoulies” climbed out of them. We’re talking about bathrooms. One of the most private rooms in a house, the bathroom is the place where you can get away from it all.
Toilets have been around since the beginning of time. From pools, to plumbing-based toilets to outhouses to bidets, toilets have dramatically changed over the years. Romans were the first to use private type bathrooms in 1700 B.C. But the plumbing-based toilet didn’t come into play until around the 19th century, when the English upper class started to use them. Today toilets are fancier then ever, ranging in price from $5,000 (Toto Neorest 600) to $5 million (the Hang Fung 24k Gold Toilet). A new trend that is gaining popularity is the low-flow toilet, as it has been reported to save the average U.S. home 25 gallons of water a day and more than 9,000 gallons a year.
Besides the living room and bedroom, the bathroom is one of the most frequently used rooms in the house. But what happens when you’re not home and have to make a trip to the lavatory? Some people have been diagnosed with Parcopresis, also known as Toilet Phobia or Shy Bowel. Toilet Phobia refers to any number of anxiety disorders that involve using toilets, including fear of contamination, specific object phobias such as Black Toilet Seat Phobia, Paruresis (Shy Bladder Syndrome) and Toilet Proximity Anxiety Disorder. Some people just can’t go when they are away from home, and we don’t blame them.
Some public restrooms are nasty, while others are as clean as your home base. We decided to take a look around our fair city and find some of the best and worst bathrooms in town. Some are dirty, some are small, some were recommended, some just made us laugh and some were so nice we’d consider eating off the floor. Just remember to wash your hands when you are done.
Super Stop gas station
Corner of S.E. 14th Street
and Maury Street
Most gas station bathrooms are not the cleanest to begin with, but this one was particularly nasty. There was trash on the floor, and the smell was awful. Making matters worse, only a few feet away was the station’s Chester Field chicken counter. We suggest holding it the next time you’re in this station’s vicinity.
Carl’s Place
1620 Woodland Ave.
Known as one of the best dive bars in town and a staple in the Sherman Hills neighborhood, Carl’s Place is great place to grab a drink and catch up with friends. But we heard from numerous readers that the women’s bathroom was an entity all to itself. We ventured to the bathroom to find other guys waiting for what we thought was the men’s room, but one dude said he was “guarding the door for my girlfriend.” The small space and sinkhole floor has some ladies cringing. One regular told us, “Carl’s deserves a shout out for the adventure of wondering if you will fall through the floor. And all the interesting options in the vending machine.”
I-80 Rest Stop
I-80 west just past Jordan Creek Parkway
People who stop at rest stops don’t expect the cleanest bathroom experience. And even though the bathroom heading west on I-80 wasn’t terribly dirty, it had that funky smell of something that hasn’t been taken care of for a while. There was a wet floor sign, but does that make it any better?
Liars Club
216 Court Ave.
One of the most original bathrooms in the metro, the Liars Club lavatory was the talk of the town when the bar first opened up. The metal stalls and blood red floor offer a crisp look,but it’s the see-through sink area that people enjoy. Once patrons hit the sinks, they can glance over to the other bathroom. Easy, pervs, you can’t see into the stalls. You can only see into the vanity area, but, nonetheless, it can mess with intoxicated minds.
Hoyt Sherman Place
1501 Woodland Ave.
Sure, there are a few bigger bathrooms in the historic Hoyt Sherman Place, but we chose this small hidden one because of its dainty look. A secluded bathroom full of classy art, tile and a calming green color just add to the ambiance of Hoyt Sherman. We’re happy to wait in line for this tiny treasure.
Kelley’s on Beaver
3606 Beaver Ave.
When we reached out for opinions, Kelley’s was mentioned numerous times. One of our readers spoke up about the men’s side, saying, “The bathroom is nasty, and there isn’t even a door.” A female chimed in, “I agree. I was there on New Year’s Eve and only one of the stalls even worked.” The decor was interesting. We love undergarments as much as anyone, but the bra hanging from the stall seemed a bit out of place, even here.
Miss Kitty’s
8800 Swanson Boulevard, Clive
Country meets city at this local hotspot. Any night of the week people can find line dancers and good ol’ boys tipping back some cold drinks. But the bathrooms at Miss Kitty’s are the real show. First, the men’s restroom has a two-way mirror, allowing patrons to see the dance floor when nature calls. But the women’s restroom is pure class. The sign above the doors says, “4 U 2 P” and inside the women’s is a stall that has a urinal. That’s right, a urinal in the women’s restroom. And a sign next to it says it all, “4 Real Cowgirls Only.” One reader told us, “I’ve never seen anybody use it.”
The Clubhouse
801 73rd Street, Windsor Heights
There is nothing more soothing than watching fish swim in a tank. So why not put a fish tank in the men’s room and ease the public? That’s the case at The Clubhouse, where a gentleman can not only watch fish while using the urinal but also see through the tank into the bar. We’re just glad they kept the tank at eye level.
Von Maur
1551 Valley West Drive, West Des Moines
We’ve heard about this place but didn’t expect such an amazing lavatory. Regular shoppers there told us the woman’s lounge at Von Maur was “immaculate” and “you felt privileged to use this restroom.” It has a comfortable couch and chairs and a “vibrant floral arrangement.” Another person told us, “If I’m in Valley West Mall and need to use the restroom, I go to Von Maur. It has a very comfy lounge and free phone you can use. It is so clean and sparkly, without question it is the best bathroom in the greater Des Moines area.”
The House of Bricks
525 E. Grand Ave.
Since The House of Bricks shows lean toward the heavier side of music, we didn’t know what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised. Although the graffiti is continually covered, there are still a few gems left. The bathroom had a stall, but owner JC Wilson said a customer pulled it down, which leaves a little less privacy. But who goes to a concert to drop a deuce? Even if you do, it has the rock star seal of approval, as Jaret Reddick, singer and guitarist for Bowling for Soup, told audiences at a show a few months ago, “Since we can’t poop on our bus, I have to poop in bars. And this is one of the cleanest bar bathrooms I’ve pooped in.” CV
