By Matthew Scott Hunter
‘Bayonetta’ (M)
Gameplay proves to be too over-the-top
****
Sega
Xbox 360
If “Devil May Cry 3” was action games on crack, then “Bayonetta” is “Devil May Cry 3” on crack. The same designer is credited with both titles, and his signature style of over-the-top gameplay has over-the-topped itself. You play as Bayonetta, a witch who can conjure powerful demons with the flip of her hair. Imagine what she can do with the rest of her body. Every one of her provocative limbs is lethal in graphic and varied ways. With any well-pressed combo, Bayonetta could easily lay waste to any other video game heroine or anti-heroine.
The story is ludicrous nonsense, and at first, the gameplay feels the same way. You’ll be surrounded by hordes of enemies, and the chaos will tempt you to button mash. But as you learn your move-set, you’ll discover slo-mo attacks that afford you an opportunity to make sense of the bedlam. Then you’ll adapt to the high-speed pace of the game, recognizing the subtle animations of the magnificently large bosses that signal the perfect moment for a gorgeously rendered counter-strike. While “Bayonetta’s” convoluted narrative makes it fall short of a masterpiece, you’ll find no other action game with better balance or a more perfectly paced learning curve. And as magical, bespectacled heroes go, Bayonetta kicks Harry Potter’s ass.
‘Guitar Hero: Van Halen’ (T)
**
Activision
Xbox 360
It’s official: “Guitar Hero” has passed its prime. Like many once-great bands, it reached a point where it could no longer evolve, but continued to play anyway, only managing to damage its legacy. The half-assed track list only includes songs recorded before David Lee Roth left. The rest is padded by the likes of Jimmy Eat World, bearing no connection or resemblance to the titular band. The fan-service extras seen in “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith “and “Guitar Hero: Metallica” are completely absent. This is more embarrassing than a bad cover band. Activision didn’t even try, so you shouldn’t buy.
‘Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles:
Crystal Bearers’ (T)
**
Square Enix
Wii
Though originating on Nintendo, the “Final Fantasy” series defected to competing consoles a long time ago. On GameCube, the series returned with a kid-friendly spin-off, and on Wii, that “Crystal Chronicles” spin-off has evolved into a very accessible (i.e. watered down) “Final Fantasy” game. At best, it’s a serviceable action RPG with decent graphics and a mediocre story. At worst, it’s a collection of insultingly simple mini-games involving chocobos and bikini-clad anime chicks. This content would embarrass a moogle, and if you know what that means, you know to stay away.
‘F1 2009’ (E)
**
Codemasters
PlayStation Portable
The two most important elements in a racing game are control and a sense of speed. “F1 2009” definitely has the former. Whether you’re steering with the D-pad or analog nub, you’ll always have nuanced control of your vehicle at any speed. But speed is the problem. Even when the frame-rate is steady (which it isn’t, when more than two cars are onscreen), the lackluster graphics never give you the impression that you’re racing past the dull backgrounds. And with backgrounds this drab, you definitely want them obscured by a motion blur.
