on the tube

By Dean Robbins


Steven Seagal becomes a real cop in ‘Lawman’
According to the reality series “Lawman” (Wednesday, 9 p.m., A&E), second-tier action star Steven Seagal has spent the last 20 years quietly working as a sheriff’s deputy in Louisiana’s Jefferson Parish. Now that he’s aged, gained weight and lost access in Hollywood, he’s apparently decided to stop being so quiet about it.

This shameless vanity production follows Seagal the real-life lawman with his sub-Eastwood menacing squint. It’s hard to believe the multiple cameras didn’t get in the way of law-enforcement during the busts and chases, when Seagal makes sure to say such cop-like things as “roger that!” and “cut them off at the pass!”

“Nothing is more important to me than protecting the people of this parish,” Seagal says.

Well, maybe one thing: making sure the camera angles are just right while the protection is in progress.


‘Better Off Ted’
Tuesday, 8:30 p.m. (ABC)

Here’s a rare treat: a new December sitcom episode that isn’t holiday-themed. Better yet, it’s hilarious. Veridian Dynamics, the ultimate heartless corporation, is sending its scary security squad to remove fired employees from their offices. The squad usually surprises the employees in mid-bagel, picking them up from their chairs and carrying them right out of the building.

“Better Off Ted” nails corporate life to the wall. Veridian is ran by psychopaths in respectable suits and haircuts, creating pernicious military products.

It’s hard to believe ABC — a big corporation itself — lets “Better Off Ted” get away with this stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if, one day, security guards picked up the entire show and carried it out of ABC corporate headquarters. CV



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