By Matthew Scott Hunter
‘New Super Mario Bros. Wii’ (E)
****1/2
Classic Mario proves to be a winner
Nintendo
Wii
In his last platforming adventure, “Super Mario Galaxy,” Nintendo’s durable mascot could move in any direction in three-dimensional space. But many original fans of the 28 year-old icon still believe he did his best brick-breaking goomba-stomping work when he simply walked from left to right. “New Super Mario Bros.” for Nintendo DS proved that the classic sidescrolling formula still works, and nobody does it better than Mario. But this time around, rather than hogging the spotlight, Mario is sharing the pitfalls of the Mushroom Kingdom with Luigi and two other friends in simultaneous multiplayer play.
For the first time in a “Super Mario” game, four players can play at once, and the results are delightfully (and sometimes frustratingly) chaotic. Players can work both with and against one another, hopping off each other’s heads or stealing each other’s power-ups. It’s most enjoyable with players of comparable platforming prowess. Bad players have a tendency to drag others down into the lava pits with them. But “New Super Mario Bros.” Wii also offers training for the uninitiated. Die eight consecutive times, and the game will play through the level for you, pointing out what you’re doing wrong. So thank you, Mario. Thank you for teaching us to live and love sidescrolling…again.
‘Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles’ (M)
***
Capcom
Wii
“Resident Evil” returns to Wii with more on-rails shooting, revisionist history re-caps and some of the dumbest dialogue ever uttered by mediocre voice actors. As with the “Umbrella Chronicles,” “Darkside Chronicles” lets you relive some of your favorite survival horror moments from the past while shedding light on a few new dimly lit corners of “Resident Evil’s” increasingly convoluted mythology. It’s fun to guide Leon and Claire through the events of “RE2” from a new perspective, but it’s depressing to wonder if the story and characters were this stupid the first time, and you just didn’t notice.
‘Tony Hawk: Ride’ (E10+)
*1/2
Activision
Xbox 360
After many, many iterations, the “Tony Hawk” franchise has finally captured what if feels like to smash your crotch on a hand-rail. That’s what this game feels like from the first moment you set foot on its pricey peripheral. The skateboard controller simply isn’t responsive enough to please real skaters, and those of us who’ve only experienced skateboarding with a controller in our hands will be completely lost. The worst part is that even without the gimmicky peripheral, this would still be a lousy “Tony Hawk” game, with ugly graphics and an infuriating number of menus and load screens.
‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Arcade Attack’ (E10+)
*1/2
Ubisoft
Nintendo DS
Do not mistake this for Konami’s classic arcade beat’em-ups from the ‘90s! Those games — simplistic and primitive as they were — actually gave you your money’s worth, a few quarters at a time. This game sucks out all the fun, leaving behind only a hollow shell. You and a fellow turtle (friend or A.I.) fight an endless stream of identical foot soldiers and a pathetic number of bosses (who go down just as easily). You walk, stop, fight, then walk again. It’s slow and steady, but you won’t want to win this race. CV
