By Dean Robbins
New blood
‘The Vampire Diaries’ hops on the fang fad
Pop culture has done wonderful things with vampires lately, from the “Twilight” movie to HBO’s “True Blood.” Then there’s “The Vampire Diaries” (Thursday, 7 p.m.). The CW’s new series is nothing more than a turgid teen soap opera — “Gossip Girl” with fangs.
“Twilight” fans will notice shameless similarities, including Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart look-alikes in the lead roles. Paul Wesley plays a virtuous vampire with an eternally furrowed brow, restraining himself from human prey. Nina Dobrev plays a troubled high school beauty who makes goo-goo eyes at her undead hunk in a graveyard as the fog rolls in and a raven flits about.
Yes, “Vampire Diaries” pours on the horror clichés, including a slut who gets bitten on the neck during a solitary nighttime stroll through the woods. But the show fails utterly in creating a sense of fear — unless it’s the fear that this misbegotten mess will be renewed for 2010-11.
‘Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins’
Sunday, 7 p.m. (Cartoon Network)
It might sound incongruous for the Cartoon Network to present a live-action TV movie. But “Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins” is as close to cartoonish as flesh-and-blood actors can get. It’s an origin story about our old friends the Jock, the Hottie, the Brain and the Goofball, who come together to solve ghostly mysteries with the help of (I mean, in spite of) an accident-prone dog.
My only quibble is that the ghosts might be too scary for the Cartoon Network’s kiddie audience. They emerge from their graves with faces right out of a creepy adult horror movie.
Gulp.
‘MTV Video Music Awards’
Sunday, 8 p.m. (MTV)
Last year, an English comedian named Russell Brand, little known in the U.S., hosted the MTV Video Music Awards. Everyone agreed that Brand bombed — even Brand himself. The camera caught audience members staring in disbelief at his dumb one-liners, crude insults and heavy-handed political sneers. Brand admitted that he got loads of hate mail and death threats after the show.
It was quite an embarrassment for MTV. So to redeem itself, the network has chosen as this year’s host… Russell Brand!?! It’s incomprehensible that he’s been invited back, unless MTV has been plotting revenge for the last year and wanted its entire audience to experience the catharsis.
If I were Brand, I’d watch out for falling anvils. CV
